


Hempen Halter

by RewaAllana



Series: Mithridates - A History of a Micronation [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Pirate, Autism, Autism Spectrum, Bonfire, Character Death, Character Turned Into a Ghost, Christianity, Corporal Punishment, Corruption, Dwarfism, Execution, F/M, Family Reunions, Gaelic Language, Gen, Ghosts, Grief/Mourning, Hanging, Historical, Historical Inaccuracy, Letters, M/M, Murder, Pirates, Racism, Regrets, Sad Memories, Scottish Character, Slave Trade, Torture, Unreliable Narrator, diversity, ghost chat, meltdowns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-28
Updated: 2019-11-05
Packaged: 2020-11-01 03:23:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 50
Words: 78,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20807918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RewaAllana/pseuds/RewaAllana
Summary: 1807.Britain is still at war with France. America also bans the slave trade - effective 1808. And there are still pirates out there in the sea.One of the last notable pirates to be caught is Richard Hood, and young James finds himself captured after his father's trade ship, on her maiden voyage is captured and leaves him the last survivor. Now, his rich days are over and he is condemned to a life of work to his captors.





	1. The Top of the Hill

David was breathing heavily.

A long ten minutes had passed since he forced himself up the hill that once had his childhood home on top. Still, he was exhausted.

The old dog who had followed him from the farm stood with a worried eye on him and one at the sea.

David, not yet old, wearily eyed the sea. His wet, brown stick shook as the cold air bit into him.

He could hear two hurried steps behind him.

Snap, his - or rather his sister's - dog was alerted but David ignored the sounds until his brother took his shoulders.

"No."

David was stubborn and shrugged off the hold.

"Davie, we do this every year," his brother John told him, "she won't be back."

"There’s hope yet! There has to be!"

David had to cover his ears. John may have said the truth, but he couldn't hear it.

John felt helpless. He was the younger of the two yet he had a family to care for and to help forget his grief. David was the one who lived day by day on grief and regret. And he didn't know what to do for his brother.

Their neighbor and very good friend Kate Matthews - much older than they - picked up his stick that had fallen; "Listen to your brother and come home. It’s not worth you freezing out here."

"We’ve already lost too many in our family. I don’t want to lose you too brother." John again took a hold; "Please let's just go home."

Snap barked out towards the sea which everyone stopped to watch in hope. But nothing.

They went back to the farm, John's very worried wife greeted them. His two boys practiced their English as best they could.

"She was the best at English out of you three." Kate told the men, wincing at the common mistakes; "probably the best out of everyone."

Today was the anniversary of the day David and John Munro lost their childhood. Their town, already in fear of the Scottish Clearances despite promises, was still reeling from the attack of ten years. David and John had already lost their father. That day, they lost their Uncle, their mother and their little sister was taken by those attackers, never to be seen alive again.

The brothers mourned them all as if they were all dead, but David had yet to accept that his sister was gone.

Something told him that wasn't true.

Something did.


	2. Ten years

1797: John Adams is sworn in as the second President of the United States.

1798\. An uprising against British rule in Ireland. The death toll is as many as 50.000.

1799\. George Washington dies. Tipu Sultan is killed by the British who also get themselves involved in the French Revolutionary wars by capturing a French frigate squadron.

1800\. The premiere of Beethoven’s Symphony No. 1. Christmas Day is recognized internationally as a public holiday.

1801\. The legislative union of Great Britain – bringing about the Untied-Kingdom, while Toussanit Louverture declares war against slavery.

1802: Marie Tussaud exhibits her wax sculptures. William Wordsworth composes the poem “Westminister Bridge”. A great man with many talents.

1803: France and Britain are still at war. And then Robert Emmet tries a failed uprising in Ireland.

1804: A more exciting year. The only successful slave revolt happens at the start of the year – Haiti becomes the first black republic. Sadly results in a massacre of white skinned people. The British Foreign Bible Society is founded by Thomas Charles. New Jersey becomes the last northern state to abolish slavery. Alexander Hamilton is killed by Aaron Burr. A meteorite falls in Scotland.

1805\. Napoleon continues to aim high by becoming King of Italy. 5,573 people die from an earthquake. Who ever heard of such a thing? The Lewis and Clark Expedition arrives at the Pacific Ocean. Lord Nelson is shot and killed at the Battle of Trafalgar.

1806\. The British Navy gains victory off Santo Domingo. Yes they’re still at war with France. And Spain. The Auckland Islands are discovered. Napoleon declares a continental blockade. 

It is now 1807.

February.

The war with Napoleon is still ongoing. He attacks Russia.

But the British fight hard and captures Montevideo from the Spanish Empire.

Taxes are high from all these wars.

Aaron Burr is being tried for conspiracy.

The rich are richer than ever. The poor struggle to survive.

And Richard Hood is still at large. These are ten of fifteen years he has been at sea. A privateer - now pirate. His ship - a stolen trade ship named "The Black Lady". With the British

Navy locked in a war with France, he is free to attack ships and raid small towns.

Fifteen years. Surely that’s a record?

Jonathan Seller wondered that question as he played alone in his well furnished room in Richard's Hood's ship.

Bach’s “The Well-Tempered Clavier - Prelude and Fugue No.1 in C Major" was performed while outside his room, Hood's slave carried an unconscious young man into Dr Robert's room.

"1807." Seller said to himself; his red fingertips yet to be cleaned; "Fifteen years today. Lot of years wasted."

He finished the piece and wondered, not for the first time, why he didn't follow his dream of performing in concert.

Now he was stuck, Quartermaster of little power to the most dangerous man he had ever known.

He could hear the drinking and merriment of the crew - successful in their capture of food, money and booze - and felt sick.

One of these days, he might jump from this ship. 

He opened his cabinet and pulled out a bottle.

He heard something and looked around.

He frowned at the person in the room; "It's over. Out of my sight."

The girl, who had been ordered to hide in his room during the attack, obediently left.

He wondered why she hadn't mocked him like she usually would.

Then he remembered what day it was.

He locked the door so no one would get hurt.

Then he screamed and smashed the bottle.

Fresh blood flowed down his wrist.

He gave a deep breath.

Then he cleaned his wounds and went back to the piano.


	3. Friendly Faces

"A little man, a black man and a Welsh woman. You know he’s going to get a shock when he wakes up and sees us."

Tony was greeted by the ships chaplain Joel Travesty as he entered, carrying the young man.

"Oh be quiet Joel." Bess, the ships cook, reprimanded her much smaller friend.

"If he’s anything like his Grandfather-"

""Joel." Tony, a man who usually had few things to say, told him to be quiet.

"Alright." Joel put his hands up.

"What happened?" Bess asked Tony.

"Hood had us raid that slave trade ship and – didn’t you see it?" Tony put his own coat under the boy's head.

"I was down here watching your son."

"It went well – no casualties except of course the crew."

"I like how your avoiding the word massacre Tony, good work."

The pirate doctor - "Dr Roberts" - as he was called - had entered to find what three slaves - even if two of them didn't hold that title - in his room. HE didn't mind. These three were friends in these trying times.

"Very funny doctor." Tony responded.

"Thank you."

Tony went back to the story; "Hood saw Sebastian fighting one of his crew and fired. His son was lying at his feet."

Bess looked at the young man; "And this – Sebastian fellow – this is his son?"

"Hood doesn’t know his name."

"He says." Roberts added. Captain Hood was notorious for lying to his own crew.

"I’m in charge of him. If he acts up, it’ll come down hard on me. I can’t do that to my boy."

Suddenly, the young man began to stir.

Bess spoke to him; "Sir-"

"Where am I?" The boy blinked at the unfamiliar faces and the unfamiliar room.

He remembered the bloodshed.

He tried to get up. Tony and Roberts held him down.

Bess stood back helplessly; "Sir it’s alright. No one’s trying to hurt you."

"Where am I?"

"Young man -" Roberts learnt the hard way that even at his weakest, the young man was strong

"Where am I?" 

"Please!"

The energy suddenly left the prisoner. He tried to punch Tony's arm but it had little effect. He breathed heavily, his eyes moved to face to face.

"Can we ask what your name is?" Travesty broke the silence with a warm smile towards the young man. 

"James – James Henry Sebastian Coleman. My Grandfather was Captain Henry Coleman -"

"I just asked for your name." Travesty chuckled to show he was joking; "My name is Joel Travesty. I’m the ship’s minister."

James stared.

"My size shows the height of faith here."

Bess sighed at that joke; "Ignore the little man. Please relax. You’ve been through the wars."

Tony and Dr Roberts let go.

"Where am I?" James tried again.

"You’re in no state to stand just now. Please do what the lady says." Roberts told him firmly. He couldn't see much damage to the young man. He had fainted but there no physical harm. 

Bess let her inner excitement out; "Your Grandfather was THE Henry Coleman? Did he ever by any chance talk to you about Richard Hood?"

Tony sighed at his friends lack of tact.

It did however distract James's fear for now; "Richard Hood worked under my Grandfather. Then he turned pirate and stole one of his ships – “The Black Lady”"

"You’re on that very ship."

James didn't respond.

The others waited.

"Where is my father?"

Tony licked his lips with nerves; "I need to tell you something important -"

"Can that wait?" James snapped, remembering that this black skinned man had touched him; "Where is my father?"

"He died young man. He died on his feet protecting you. Captain Hood told us to bring you on this ship to serve one of his crew until the end. I’m afraid you’re with us now." Bess answered for Tony.

James was silent again.

The others waited.

"A slave." He looked at Tony; "Like yourself?"

"Like myself." Tony grunted.

"And myself." Bess spoke up; "I understand it’s a difficult thing to hear. But please, you can trust us. My name is Bess Driscoll; I am one of the slaves under your new mistress. This is Doctor Edward Roberts. He’s an ally, he can be trusted."

Roberts just nodded. Greetings made him feel awkward.

"And I’m Tony. I belong to Hood." Tony gave the young man his full attention; "I’m also in charge of discipline so if they tell me, I’m afraid any trouble you cause will be dealt with by me."

Bess objected; "We mustn’t scare him -"

"He’s young but he’s no child. He understands don’t you son?"

"Do not call me son." James wiped his forehead; "We’re not going back to England are we? We could all make a run for it?"

"I hardly doubt Mr Hood wants’ to go near a country that wants to hang him." Travesty answered him.

"So we’re stuck here?"

"I’m afraid so."

James felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up to see Tony, his face much more kinder, looking at him; "Let's get through this together shall we?"

James wept that night. His father would have been disappointed at this act of softness but he didn't care.

His life had changed forever. The clothes he was given to wear felt thin and ragged. He was forced to sleep on the wooden, filthy floor - not a grand bed and alone like he was used to.

He prayed his mother would not miss him. And he prayed he could get back at the men somehow.

His innocence had all been destroyed. 


	4. The  Quartermaster

"Welcome aboard."

James turned to see the Quartermaster looking at him.

Both were on the deck. James had been told to scrub and had just finished after a long hour. His back hurt and his eyes also hurt from the tears during his first night. The start of his first day was rough. His mood down. His thoughts were on his father who he feared yet missed dearly.

"Are you a slave?" James asked innocently.

"I may as well be. Jonathan Seller. Quartermaster. I report to Captain Hood and then tell everyone his orders." The man came near and James noticed that the man's sleeve was red; "Sometimes I even give my own orders. Sometimes I even get to rest to smoke or play my piano. Sometimes I even get a little peace........"

James broke the silence; They say I’m working for a Mrs Ban?"

"God be with you."

"Oh?"

"My sister. Annie. She oversees the Galley. You've met Bess? My sister makes her work. You'll probably end up helping her."

"Must I be scared?" James already felt it.

"She scares me. Do you know how much damage an older sibling can do to you? Especially if that sibling is a girl? I swear she ruined me before I took this job."

"A job involving killing innocent people?"

That was a dangerous question.

Seller glared at him; "You were on a trade ship. As far as I’m concerned, the people you associate with had it coming."

James knew showing anger would end him; "How?"

"Are you naive? Did you know what you were trading?" Seller spat on the newly scrubbed floor; "Listen – I don’t care for slavery. It’s the worst thing you can do to someone. Never mind hundreds upon thousands."

"I don’t know what you mean."

"So you are naive. Get back to scrubbing little boy. Have a pleasant trip."

James stared after the man who angrily ordered a sleeping crew member - Wade was his name - to get up and give him fifty push ups. When the rather large man failed, Seller kicked him again and again and James listened to the man's groans and cries.

He went down on his knees; he scrubbed and prayed again. For strength. And a way to get home.

\----

"We ought to start playing together again – you, me, Bess and Tony."

"Playing together?"

Travesty was confused by Seller's deceleration. 

After his talk with James and his "discipline" on Wade, Seller had entered the ship's chapel and sat in front of the cross until Travesty, deep in his books, finally noticed him and offered a seat. 

"We used to play for the others." Seller reminded the Chaplain; "Me on the piano; you on the flute, Tony on his violin and Bess singing along, I miss those days. This place could be less gloomy if we all came back together to play again. Lesley Dodds – you know, the new girl? She says she played the cello and she has a good set of pipes-"

"It’s not going to happen, Jonathan." 

"I miss those days."

"As do I." Travesty was honest; "And so do the others."

"So why are you the only one who talks to me?"

Seller knew the answer of course. He wasn't stupid.

"I’m your so-called minister. I have to forgive and forget. It’s not easy for most people." Travesty answered him.

"What did I do to offend Bess?"

"You’re involvement on that business with Fran. Amongst other things."

Travesty was avoiding the real reason. Even when friendly, Seller was dangerous and as a short person, Travesty knew he was no match for him.

"And the buck?"

"Tony." The Chaplain corrected him; "You hit his son. Amongst other things."

Again, he avoided the main reason.

"I’m not respected Travesty." Seller said after a while; "I used to have the ship under my thumb. Only Richard Hood himself could order me. Now everyone just laughs behind my back or even..." His put his hands up in a shrug. Apparently clueless.

"They say you’ve grown soft." Travesty dared to say.

"I can draw blood with them and I can drink as hard as they can. But I’m not one of them anymore. I can’t figure it out."

Hold on.

Where is she?

Seller got up; "Where's the slave gone?"

"Which one?" Travesty frowned.

"The only one I have Joel!"

Seller had taken off his shoes. He put one on but in his haste, he left the other one in his hands and headed out.

"Jonathan, wait, please calm down -" Travesty feared for the slave's safety.

Seller ignored him.

His slave was supposed to be on the deck. He had searched for her. James had distracted him. Wade had made him forget.

His grip on the shoe got tighter as he marched back up to the deck.


	5. The Slave Girl

The sound of the sea was music.

James shared a love of the sea with his father and his Grandfather. His mother had always feared drowning and would never board a ship. He remembered how she made him promise that he wouldn't do anything rash or dangerous and that he would be safe.

He wondered how well he had obeyed that promise.

You couldn’t tell there had been a fight. James remembered the blood flowing on this very deck but now it was all cleaned up. Like nothing happened. Nothing James saw even happened.

Yet he had seen his father lying there.

Everything now smelt bad – the ship, the sea, even the air.

He stood on the ledge. He didn't notice someone was watching him yet again. 

A smaller, inquisitive, younger person. 

"I don’t belong here. I shouldn’t be here. I won’t belong here. Forgive me mother."

As he started to lean forward, he felt his shirt being grabbed.

"Sir – Sir is everything good with you?"

He yelped in fright.

He crashed down onto the deck, his head bumped hard and he groaned. He opened his eyes to see a younger pair looking down.

James's mouth was open as he realized what had happened, he slowly got up and observed the girl who had saved him. 

The girl was holding her ears and shaking; "Are you – are you good? Is everything good?"

"I’m sorry?"

"You’re new – new around here. I haven’t seen you before so – you’re new aren’t you?"

James had never heard the accent coming from this girl before so he was listening carefully despite his pulse beating hard; "Yes. I came during..... During......"

"Last night’s raid?"

James nodded, looking at her clothes and trying to be subtle about it.

"I’m sorry. It must hurt in there yes?"

He flinched when he pointed at his chest.

"Worse pain you can feel really. I’ve broken an arm and leg you know, but that’s the worst one."

James didn't know what to say.

The girl was clearly younger than him. Her voice was too low to be that of a mere child.

She also had a bandage wrapped around her right arm just above her elbow. James could only guess she was fourteen or perhaps older. She had rather large eyes which James couldn't help but be fixated on.

And then there was her clothes.

This girl was in a badly ragged dress but she was also wearing slobs underneath.

James thought that his mother would faint if she saw this girl's wardrobe.

The girl seemed distracted now; "Sometimes I come up here and look out at the sun. Helps me to forget a little."

"This place?" James watched her carefully.

"You’re one of us now aren’t you? A slave?"

James nodded.

"I know it’s – it seems bad and all but.... but, but, but you can fight it you know? Find ways to forget so - Well I – I just need to get away from the dark down there. I I’m most – I’m mostly down in the dark and I – well I like the light. Not the sun, I mean it – it – it hurts my eyes some.... Sometimes. Sometimes."

The girl's stuttering visibility made her blush.

James found it oddly endearing.

The girl tried to recover; "What’s uh.... who are you by the way?"

James remembered his manners: "James Coleman"

He put his hand out and his movement made her flinch. Then slowly, she took it with both hands; "The first few days are pretty bad. But we can make things a bit – better. Who did Captain Hood give the authority to order you around?"

James was wondering what had made her flinch; "A Mrs Ban."

"_Rach-air-muin......"_

James blinked.

"The surname itself sounds wrong....."

"I’m sorry, what did you just say?"

Again the girl blushed; "Uh... I'm sorry sir but.... I’m originally from up north in Scotland and English isn’t my first – my first um.... um....."

"Language." That explained the accent.

"Yes. And no, I won’t tell you what I just said."

"Then I won’t ask." James smiled.

The girl's attention diverted again; "Look at the sea!"

He did. He saw nothing.

"It changes a lot – look – today it’s green, like grass."

He frowned; "Grass?"

"I miss the grass." The girl leaned against the side, her arms folded and her head rested on them; "I liked it under my feet. It felt nice. Your hair’s all up – spiky. Just like grass. Imagine say there’s a place in the world where people have green hair. I think I’d rather have that than my own hair."

Before he could react, she had climbed up on the same ledge.

"Be careful there child!" James felt fear and he reached up and grabbed her skirt.

"I don't like the feel of water." the girl didn't react; "It’s like your touching a ghost. I don’t like ghosts. They should go to heaven or hell, not wander around or say, watch you from the shadows. This place has seen so much death, I wouldn’t be surprised if every corridor and every room was haunted."

James thought hard. This girl wasn't budging; "Do you have a mistress?"

"Master. He's -"

She was interrupted by a cry. Another hold, this time stronger, this time by the hair and she too was on the ground.

James backed off in shock.

Seller let go, his heart racing; he bent down to the girl's level; "Why the hell were you up there? I told you once; I told you hundreds of times – James? Oh, so you’ve met this young madam?"

"Yes sir." James watched as the girl got up.

Her kind eyes had changed.

"Already made an impression on you I see." Seller glared at his slave; "She does that. Scared away a few young men haven’t you Stevens? She’s a troublemaker – putting it lightly. And worst of all she’s mine. It’s not the first time I’ve pulled her off this ledge."

"My hero." the girl mumbled.

Seller turned and stared.

James wondered what had happened. Seller looked like had just witnessed a miracle. The girl just stared at her Master with a hint of anger in her eyes. The innocence and kindness James had seen were gone.

The Quartermaster finally turned to James: "Did you actually have a conversation with her? "

"Yes sir." James was now very confused.

Seller turned to his slave; "Have you been joking around these past three weeks? These past three weeks!? Do you not realize how worried you made everyone?"

The girl didn't blink; "You told me to be quiet last time we -"

"I don’t need to hear more talk from you. You’ve already got me in a bad mood today so don’t push it!" And he pushed the girl towards James; "I want you to finish your chores as soon as possible. If I catch you up there again, I won't pull you down, I'll push!"

The girl smiled and James now saw the mischief overtaking the anger in her eyes; "We ought to put him in a pram, so he can throw his toys out."

She didn't say it quietly enough.

Before either young person could react, Seller ran up behind her and with the shoe in his hand, he began to beat her.

James was frozen. He couldn't look away. He wanted to run. He wanted to jump in. But he couldn't.

"Stop that!"

Someone pushed past him.

A young lady in a proper dress for a woman on a ship put herself in front of Seller and the girl; "Stop that! Uncle!"

"Get going Sarah!" The Quartermaster went for another round.

"Uncle please! You know how you get when you’re in this mood."

The slave girl looked up, shaking in pain but her face was defiant.

Seller pointed at her; "If you can keep your bloody mouth shut around me, we’ll have no other problems."

"You always find something to moan about." the girl retorted.

Seller pushed his neice away and grabbed the girl.

"No."

It was weak but Seller stopped and looked at James.

"No." James repeated himself.

He wondered why he was shaking so much.

Seller let go of the girl who quickly ran behind James; "I'll start on you as well if you do that again."

James felt a small gasp escape him.

Sarah frowned at the both of them, not liking what she was seeing.

"You don’t strike someone else’s slave Seller, you know the rules." The slave girl defended her new friend.

Seller now just seemed irritated; "You never know when to shut up when you get going, do you?"

The girl shook her head.

He turned back to James "Keep your nose clean and you won’t end up with enemies. Ask your new friend."

And as he left, he suddenly moved quickly and bashed the younger girl in the ear. James grabbed her as she fell.

"I want that paino cleared of any dust girl." They heard Seller yell back as he left them alone.

_"Rach-air-muin...." _The girl mumbled as her head rang.

A shadow descended on them and James looked up to see the new girl - Sarah standing over them. Her hands folded with a stern look.

"What happened here?"

"I eh..... She was on the ledge and I..." He wasn't sure what else to say.

"Thank you. Please excuse me."

James felt the firmness of Sarah's pull as she took the smaller girl away from him and took her shoulders; "Ruth? Ruth. Look at me."

Ruth, knowing full well she was going to get a telling off, reluctantly obeyed.

Sarah sighed; "Honestly, can you not see that your words make things worse?"

"I like annoying him. I get bored."

"Ruth-"

"It makes things interesting."

James noticed that Ruth was not as confident with her backtalk as she was with Seller. She was back to the shy girl he had first met just a few moments ago.

The girl was strange.

"At the cost of your health?" Sarah's scolding continued; "What were you doing on the ledge? We told you about this, it’s dangerous. What were you thinking?"

"The sea looks like grass".

Sarah threw her arms up in frustration.

Ruth just looked at her fingers; "I like grass. Grass is green and spiky."

"What is wrong with you?" Sarah openly sighed.

Ruth suddenly seemed insulted; "I’m not known for my sanity. Why don’t you turn round and say hello to James and stop giving me your daily lecture. You’d think I was twelve."

"I’m just worried he’ll kill you one day."

"He won’t. He might beat me near to death but I’ll live. He’d be doing us a favor-"

Sarah grabbed her again and boxed the other ear; "Don’t you ever say that again!"

"Make me." Ruth pulled herself away.

James noticed that Sarah's slap - softer than her Uncle's - had clearly upset the slave girl.

"I have places to go." Ruth mumbled, fighting back the tears and she walked off. Both James and Sarah saw her wipe her eyes.

The older girl sighed in frustration and sadness; "I’m sorry about her. She’s a strange one."

"Who was she?" James asked.

"That was Ruth. Ruth Stevens. She’s a highlander. She belongs to my uncle – poor thing."

"Is she.... alright?" 

"She’s a liat. She’s a little shy but when she gets going – my goodness. When did she start talking again?"

"I’m afraid I don’t understand. She came up to me herself and started a conversation. Seller seemed surprised she was talking but -"

Sarah stopped him; "James – is it James? We had a terrible thing happen three weeks ago and she just stopped talking and – well we were worried that something was wrong. I..... It’s just a relief to hear her voice again. Before I forget my manners any further – my name is Sarah Hudson. I’m Mr Seller’s niece."

James smiled; "My Pleasure."


	6. A Tour

"Bess! James got her talking again!"

James found himself in the Galley. Having introduced himself, Sarah had decided to show him where her mother - Mrs Ban would most likely put her to work.

Bess was there, already preparing something. James couldn't tell what.

Suddenly, he felt himself getting crushed by a warm hug from Bess; "Thank you, thank you so much!"

"Bess!"

Bess let go and her shoulders sunk.

"Get back to work."

It was Mrs Ban. She glared at James; "So you’re the one. Christ. A Lord’s son. That’s all I need."

\-----

"That’s your mother?"

James and Sarah had made their escape. It was clear her mother had nothing for her new slave to do so they decided to use what free time he had to get to know each other.

"It was. She’s really no better than my uncle. At least Uncle Jonathan feels sorry when he’s crossed the line."

"It must be hard for you."

"I suppose it is."

They entered the Chapel - James saw the make shift pews with a golden - possibly stolen good cross right in the middle.

And Joel Travesty was carrying a ton on books to his desk. Both Sarah and James rushed over to help him. 

"How are you today Mr Travesty?" Sarah asked, trying to be polite.

"I like it when you try to hide your smile every time you say my surname Miss Hudson."

James decided he quite liked this minister.

Sarah grinned; "It’s so peculiar."

"Aren’t we all?"

"A pirate ship with its own minister....." James wondered out-loud as he looked around the room.

"And a little one too." Travesty sat at his seat.

James felt embarassed; "Oh, sorry."

"You’re not a very cheery one are you? Sarah, I think you’ve found your soul mate."

"Joel!" Sarah wasn't at all offended.

"I’m sorry – I meant no disrespect." James apologised.

"It’s just another day for me James. I found it rather odd when Hood captured me and said he wanted me to do Sunday services. First one ended in bloodbath – one young man gestured at me and the Captain shot him. I’m not a joke apparently."

"We are glad to have you." Sarah said earnestly.

"Are you a pirate?" James asked.

"No." Travesty answered bluntly.

"A slave?"

"I consider myself one yes."

James knew he was making things awkward.

Luckily for him, he was saved when they all jumped in fright at the sound of a voice coming from under the table:

"How about a book to stop this table from wobbling so much? See? It wobbles and I’m not moving it."

It was Ruth. She crawled out like nothing was unusual and put the book she had been reading onto the table.

"Sweet Lord" Sarah mutteredm recovering from her shock.

Travesty wasn't amused; "I’ve asked you not to do that – what’s wrong with you?"

Ruth had gone behind James.

"Come on, I’m not going to bite."

"I don’t like it when you tell me off." Ruth complained.

Travesty remained firm; "Am I scarier than Seller?"

"I don’t know."

This girl was really strange, James thought to himself again.

Travesty gave up, he didn't like telling young people off; "Come on. Put the chess board out and let’s play."

James turned around; "You play chess Ruth? A highlander like you can play chess?"

He saw Ruth's irritation and regretted his quick tongue.

"I can also read and write. Can you?" she responded.

"Yes." James responded.

"Can you count to fifty?"

She was teasing him.

He grinned; "To a hundred"

"Can you play chess?"

"No."

She had him. 

A big grin appeared; "An Englishman who can’t play chess?"

"Don't be rude." Sarah scolded.

Ruth's brief moment of happiness faded.

"Well, do you want to teach him?" Travesty asked the slave girl

"No."

"You want to play by yourself again?"

"Yes. But I can't. Adam broke the board. I beat him."

"Tony’s son." Sarah explained to James; "He’s fourteen – we grew up together back home."

"Well I hope you told him off." Travesty told Ruth.

"I told him if he carried on like that, I’d cut off his pathetic excuse for manhood and feed it to the sharks."

Sarah opened her mouth to tell her off but Travesty beat her to it; "Why did you say that?"

"I don’t know."

"So you said it but you don’t know why?"

James could feel Ruth's discomfort; "It happens to the best of us."

His response made Ruth - like a much younger child - move closer to him; "Can I stay with you?"

"Me?" James was confused but he stayed polite.

"Can I?"

"Sure. Sure um – can you show me around the ship?" James looked at Sarah and Travesty for permission.

Sarah just frowned at Ruth like an annoyed older sister; "You could do that – or you could stay and help Mr Travesty and I."

A small pause.

James felt a tug from Ruth; "Follow me."

Sarah tutted; "Such selfishness."

"Sarah. Leave her be." Travesty unexpectedly scolded Sarah.

"But to leave you -"

"I can handle my work, she knows that. Let her have a few minutes without someone giving her a telling off."

James decided to obey Ruth's insistent tugging as Sarah glared after his new friend.

\---

Ruth took him down to the room he had slept in; "This is the Cargo Hold."

So she was giving him a tour. He decided to play dumb. Ruth might have been strange but she was harmless.

"This is where they keep the barrels and stuff. Also where most of the slaves sleep."

"What’s in the barrels?" James pretended to be interested.

"No idea. Don’t care."

He grinned. 

Then they were in the corridors. She took him up a flight of stairs he hadn't yet seen - "Up there is the Captain’s Quarters. His daughter lives in there and she’s not allowed to come out."

Now this was interesting; "Why?"

"The men."

Then the Galley.

"Oh Christ, not you!"

Mrs Ban hated Ruth.

"This is Mrs Ban." Ruth ignored the angry woman; "I just like to point her out. Not that you can miss her."

And she gestured width around the stomach.

"Get out!"

James dodged a spoon flung at them both.

Then he saw a boy, also ducking down.

"Hello James." The boy said nervously.

Ruth pulled James out of the Galley.

"Sorry about the board." The boy shouted towards her.

"Was that Adam?" James asked; "Tony's son?"

"Yes. Don’t mess with him if you don’t want Tony coming after you. Good chess player, but I always beat him."

They went up to the Deck. James wondered what she was going to show.

"Stevens!"

James felt Ruth smuggle into him. 

Two young men approached. Older than James himself but probably not that far. One was white-skinned and the other who had spoken was black.

"Emmy, give it a rest." the other one said.

His friend growled; "Emmet!" He turned back to Ruth; "where’s the quill you took this morning? Wade’s going to kill us both unless you give it back!"

"Do you mind?" James defended his friend.

Emmet gave him a look; "Who’s this then barmy? Come on, I heard you were talking again."

"James." James answered for himself as Ruth seemed to sink further into him.

"I'm Emmet – that's Kayser."

"Pleasure" Kayser mumbled.

"So where’s the quill?"

"Christ sake....."

"Our lives are on the line here!"

"We can go and ask Travesty for another."

"I know that."

"So you’re doing this for no reason. Leave her alone."

Emmet pulled Ruth away from James and pushed her. She pushed him back in retaliation; "You're a ninny."

"Mingebag." Ruth responded.

Emmet laughed as he followed Kayer downstairs.

Ruth turned to James; "And people think I'm strange."

She had a point.

"That was Emmet and Kayser. Emmet’s real name is Kobina and Kayser’s real name is Giles."

"Did they change their names?"

"They’re owned by Danny Wade. No one likes him."

As they started to move again, they were interrupted by the pirate James recognized as the one Seller had beaten that morning. 

This time Ruth's behavior was even more alarming. Instead of hiding behind or into him, she seemed to take a step in front as if to protect him.

Danny Wade was drunk, but he saw the pair and pointed; "I'm coming after you – I come after all the young girls."

And then he was gone.

"Are you alright?" James asked.

Ruth looked at him.

It was clear to James that she wasn't used to hearing these words.

And she didn't know how to respond.

"Um..... So the Deck?"

She visibly relaxed; "This is the deck. This is where I sleep. It usually isn’t so crowded."

"You don’t like sleeping with the others?"

"I’m seventeen and I’m surrounded mostly by adult men. In the dark. So no, I don’t like sleeping down there."

Seventeen.

She certainly didn't look or act that old.

"Aren’t you worried you’ll freeze to death?"

"I have a huge coat that keeps me warm. I’m also wearing men’s clothing under my dress – you can’t see because they’ve been pulled apart by age but – well, it keeps me safe."

He understood.

"Tony doesn’t mind so long as it’s not raining. When it does, he forces me to go down. I'd still rather be here though."

"Tony’s in charge of us right? Is Tony an African name?"

Ruth gave him a look; "Short for Anthony."

He realized his stupidity; "Oh."

"Don’t worry. I ask very stupid questions too. We’ll get along."

She said it with seriousness but James grinned. Until she showed the buckets right at the back of the ship.

"And this bit of the deck is where you drop your trousers for your daily shit."

James shook his head: "Thank you."

"Most use the corridors but I have to clean it up so – please."

"My honor as a gentlemen." He promised. 

This girl went through enough in one day - in less than ten minutes even. James wondered if he would have any sanity left himself.


	7. Words

_My child has a new friend._

_I can tell he is from a rich family. Perhaps one who encourages looks over character. He is uncomfortable, mortified to be in this position but I can tell he has taken a liking to my child and not - thank God - in the way the other men do._

_James is nineteen. Young in many ways but old in many more ways. He lost his innocence a day ago. My child lost hers ten years ago. You wouldn't know it._

_My child does have friends on this ship, but they don't have a lot of patience for a girl who is different. Ruth has always been different. She enjoys drawing, chess - she loves to learn. She had a doll which she clung too but never played. Yet she was very shy and couldn't make many friends._

_Ten years on, I continue to watch and observe. My child is a young woman but she also is not. And I know that she thinks of me everyday. What I did to her. And what happened to me._

_I can never forgive myself for what I did. Nor can I forgive myself for what she saw that day._

_I hope this young man can show her some patience and make her life more bearable as she has already done for him. _


	8. End of the first week

James had survived his first week.

His hands were red raw from the work he was forced to do and he was more hungry than he had ever been. He went to sleep on the wooden floor or against the crates in the Cargo Hold and often he was too tired to dream.

He did however have his ally's and he knew that made him one of the lucky ones. Other young men he saw only stuck by themselves and in his first week, two of them had been thrown overboard. He needed his new friends to survive.

Being in Tony's good books was important. The man knew his way around the ship and it's dangers. When he told you not to do something, he was looking out for your welfare. James understood that and wisely listened.

Bess was already like a motherly figure to him. When she could, she gave him what little food was left behind and sewed his clothes when they were easily damaged despite her own sore hands. 

Travesty kept everyone in some sort of good humor but he also gave comfort to James when his grief overwhelmed him. He also had books to keep from boredom which James relished.

Sarah Hudson - very much unlike her mother and uncle - was someone who seemed to go out of her way to talk to all the slaves. James noticed that every time he looked up from his work, she was watching him an the others with concern. She was always ready to jump in if him or the others got into trouble despite the abuse she would receive verbally from her mother. 

Ruth was the one who kept him from starving. Despite her oddness and her habit of daydreaming, Ruth was an excellent thief. She would be in the Galley for three minutes only for Mrs Ban to find a loaf had been taken apart. She had yet to be caught but James noticed that his mistress and even Bess kept a close eye on her in the Galley. It was never close enough.

Adam was only a child to the nineteen-year old, but his friendship, James understood, meant that Tony was much less hard on him. Adam was also a distraction - playful and eager to learn from the people around him. 

"How are you?"

Sarah had followed James to the Deck. They had hoped for some peace only to see Ruth and Adam drawing squares on the ground and jumping around them, but they paid little attention to the older pair.

"It’s quite small. For quite a large crew, it’s very small." James remarked about the ship, too tired to think of much of a conversation; "Everything is so small except the Cargo Hold."

"It was just a trade ship before it was taken. I suppose that’s why Hood has been so successful. You’d never think this ship was run by pirates." Sarah pointed at the mast; "he waves the British flag as do all ships do. We've never been bothered. Yet."

"You’re not trying to colour them in are you?" they heard Adam ask Ruth.

"Some of them are in the dark." She responded.

"That’s shadows Ruth."

"Some are in the dark, most of them are not. It needs to be half and half."

"Now what?" Sarah sighed, going over. James followed.

"You’re a real kill joy you know that?" Adam dropped his chalk in frustration.

"No I’m not." Ruth responded, taking his chalk and finishing her coloring.

"I agree with Ruth actually, everything needs to be the equal." James said.

Ruth gave him a brief glance towards him to show her thanks.

"Equal?" Adam frowned.

"Um – say everyone should get the same."

"I know what it means but that’s quite an elegant word. What is it in your old language?" Adam asked Ruth.

Ruth already didn't look pleased; "_Leithid"_

Adam scoffed; "Now that's just-"

"Stop it." She went back to her squares.

"I've told you about mocking her language" Sarah scolded Adam; "It's hard to learn one never mind two."

Adam didn't care as he spoke to James; "Are you a Lord’s son? The clothes they took from you, I saw them."

"I suppose I am. My father was a judge. I was training to be one."

"Are you a lawyer?" Ruth re-joined the conversation.

"I have the degrees yes."

"Degrees?" Adam was confused.

"Paper that says he’s clever." Ruth explained.

"How do you even know that?"

Ruth ignored her younger friends rudeness; "You have degrees yet you can’t play chess?"

James was amused; "Lawyers aren't that smart Ruth."

"They can still play chess."

"Some of them can’t even do their job."

"So in England, it’s rich folk without much brains?"

Ruth's tone showed no malice but Sarah gave her a warning with her finger.

James however smiled and folded his arms in mock offence; "Call it what you want – I was training to be a judge."

"God help us."

"That's enough jokes from you Madam." Sarah firmly told Ruth.

Ruth gave her a questioning look, then frowned and began to pace.

"It's fine." James wasn't pleased with Sarah's intrusion.

"If you don't stop her now, she won't stop."

"What was a lawyer doing on a trade ship?" Adam changed the subject. 

"It was my Grandfather’s design. He died just before the maiden voyage so my father and I went in his place."

"A Trade ship?"

Ruth had stopped pacing.

James ignored Sarah's sigh; "Yes."

"As in slave trade?"

Adam now frowned at her.

James didn't know how to answer; "I don't know."

"Was it going to Africa?"

"Yes."

"Then it was a slave ship."

Ruth didn't hide her disgust.

"I didn't even know, and I know that's still not an excuse -"

She shrugged; "I mean you weren't in charge so -"

"Enough." Sarah again interrupted. Ruth was now clearly very perturbed but she said nothing. 

Sarah hadn't been the only one to treat Ruth like this. James had noticed that a lot of the crew and slaves seemed to shut Ruth out of their conversations, even if what she had to say was interesting.

Surely if she hadn't spoken in three weeks, shouldn't they all be encouraging her to talk?

It made him feel rather sorry for her.

"So you’re from Plymouth? Adam and I live there." Sarah now interrupted his thoughts.

"Live there?" James was still annoyed with her.

"We came on only a month ago and then we’re going back home." Adam explained, "we were both here a few weeks before you came on. I was really small last time I was here. Sarah was thirteen."

James turned away from them and included Ruth; "Ruth, don't you get to go home?"

"No. There's no point."

It was a quick response. James had really hit a nerve.

He quickly pretended he hadn't noticed; "If we stop at Plymouth, maybe I could make a run for it."

"You could try." Sarah clearly thought that was a stupid idea.

"Without getting shot like -"

"Ruth. No."

"I meant-"

"That’s enough."

"Are these papers yours?"

Ruth privately wondered why this "Lord's son", as she heard some of the others call James behind his back, was being so nice. She had no complaints, but it wasn't something she was used too.

And the drawings? No one had ever asked about them. It was astonishing.

She recovered, awkwardly replying; "My drawings."

"You like drawing?" James encouraged her.

"Yes. Always. I liked to draw the view back home. I mostly just draw when I want to now."

"All the time...." Adam was heard to mutter.

"Let her talk." Sarah now scolded Adam.

James guessed correctly that Sarah realized she was out of line.

"My Grandfather was a painter. His name was Captain Henry Coleman. "

Ruth just stared blankly.

"You don't know him?"

"I don’t know any artists." Ruth confessed; "I lived on a farm, and then I -" She started stuttering, "please don’t take that rudely sir it’s – I’d like to know more if I could but um -"

"Hurry up." Adam mumbled. Sarah told him to stop.

"They don’t have pictures in any books in this place. I rather think it’s a waste having books without pictures."

"I’ve always wanted to go and see your country. There’s many a person who say how wonderful it is. Lot of good views. Friendly people. Full of life." James sat on a crate.

Ruth shrugged; "It was full of life. By the time I was taken, it was starting to be full of sheep."

James felt some sadness; "Ten years ago?"

Ruth didn't respond at first. She paced up and down twice before saying; "I was lucky because I didn’t need to learn another language. Just an accent."

"I can still hear some of the Scot's accent from you." James told her truthfully

"Good." That pleased the girl.

"Do you miss it?"

"The accent?"

Sarah smiled at that answer.

"No home." James hid his own amusement.

Ruth scratched her face; "I don’t like to think about it to be honest with you sir."

She had said enough; "That's alright."

"Take my advice. Don’t dwell on the past. You’ve got to focus on your survival here. We’re on a ship in the middle of the sea and there’s no land for miles. We have people here, who will kill you over a card game. There’s a chance that one day we can all escape. Captain Hood and his crew of wooden planks won’t be doing this forever. Then you can go home. Then you can dwell."

James again wondered why no one wanted this girl to be in their conversations.

"Why don’t you do us all a favor and take that advice to yourself?”"

Sarah put herself between them.

"It’s easier to think about others. And easier to give advice than to take it." She suddenly turned to Adam. "Why are you telling everyone I have a fancy on James?"

"And the conversation changes." Sarah muttered towards James.

Adam frowned; "It was a joke."

Ruth wasn't happy; "You shouldn’t tell untruths and I don’t like it when you talk about me."

"I'm sorry." He didn't really mean it.

"I’ll throw you overboard myself if you do it again." She turned back to James; "You like horses?"

Adam gaped;

"I can't keep up." Sarah gave up.

James did his best to ignore the awkwardness; "I do. At home."

Suddenly his personal space was invaded; "You do? Does it run really, really fast? Can you ride him?"

Ruth apparently liked horses; "Yes. His name is Leroy. He's old -"

Ruth was off in her own world; "I want to – I want to get off – When I get off – a horse - the first thing I want to do is pet a horse. I’ve never – I HAVE seen them but I’ve never touched one."

"You can come and see him when we get out of here." James promised her.

"Really?"

"My honor as a gentleman."

"Why did you keep shutting her down?" James now asked Sarah once they truly were alone.

"Ruth has a bad habit of saying things that get her in unnecessary trouble." Sarah explained; "What if we do get out of here and she's said stuff to you that upset you? You may have her locked away -"

"What makes you think I'd do anything like that?" James was confused; "I owe Ruth my life. I want to help."

"We all want to help her James."

"If you think I'm going to use my influence to further destroy lives around here, let me assure you that I won't."

"I only know so few people of your class James. You must understand my concern. I want to be friends - I want you to look fondly on the others but I didn't want Ruth to..... Do you understand?"

"I understand. But can she have a conversation without anyone telling her to be quiet?"

"You've only known her a week James. You'll see what I mean eventually."

What did she mean?


	9. Evening

"How do you know about degrees?"

"Because I'm smart."

Adam was ready to leave the Deck to go back to the Galley but Ruth - who was never in any hurry - showed no sign of leaving. His father had told him that he needed to be patient with the older girl but patience was something Adam didn't really learn;

"Sarah’s wit is probably sharper than you. And she’s got no sense of humor."

Ruth didn't respond.

"You didn’t understand me did you?"

He was met with a glare; "I hate it when you do this to me."

"You wave your arm about like a baby; do you think anyone’s going to take you seriously?" Adam teased. Her glare was the only one that didn't scare him.

"I speak two languages stupid. I am smart."

"You don’t act it."

"Stop."

She stopped drawing and covered her ears.

Adam suddenly felt bad; "Am I upsetting you? For real? It’s alright. Don’t you go telling my father will you?"

She looked at him.

"I hate it when you make me feel guilty." He reached out and took a hold of her fingers; "You're shaking and you’re staring at me weirdly again."

She looked away. No response.

"No one at home? I have to go back to work anyway. Catch me when the chess board is fixed. I’m sorry about that. I’ll try and find something in the galley that you like."

"Apples." Ruth mumbled in response. 

Adam shook his head; "Not right in the head....."

Ruth gave herself a moment to calm down.

She didn't understand why her friend's teasing had bothered her so much. Adam was too young, he meant no harm, she knew that.

She put her drawings in a small bag she carried and started to move.

She noticed two pirates - Fairly and Marston - playing cards by the door that led downstairs.

She knew them well. Fairly was only the second tallest man in the crew. He had volunteered and it was rumored he was regretting it. Then there was Isaac Marston, a man who prayed a lot and wore a patch across his eye. Usually, a parrot would have balanced on his shoulder but there was no sign of her now. He had also volunteered. He was very openly vocal in his regret of joining Hood's crew. Why he hadn't yet been killed, Ruth didn't know.

Maston was drinking heavily. This made Ruth pause and wonder if going down was a good idea.

"I'm sorry about Ida". She heard Fairly say.

Yes. It was a bad idea. Marston almost lunged at friend.

"Marston, keep your anger for the minister or for Miss Dodds." Fairly warned him. You didn't want to fight him.

Marston groaned; "Where's Seller's slave?"

Ruth quickly hid.

"Why would she show her face?" Fairly muttered; "We’re all bored – we’re drinking and we’re all tired. She’s not stupid enough to show her face for you to use your fists."

"I need to hit someone and no, I wasn’t going to go for the Quartermaster’s slave. I know better than that."

Ruth wasn't so sure.

Danny Wade - completely hammered- appeared and she was sure going near was now a very bad idea.

"Here's your man." Fairley grabbed Wade and Marston punched him. The drunker of the two fell down and was asleep.

"Better?" Fairley asked.

"Much better". Marston was satisified.

Then Dr Roberts appeared from the door. He saw Wade on the ground and sighed; "Gentlemen, I’d hoped for some peace tonight."

"Go back to your books." Marston told him.

"With pleasure."

Fairley stopped him; "Here, so who is this boy Hood’s given to Annie? Is it really Coleman’s grandson?" Roberts confirmed it was; "Jesus. I remember my mother telling me horror stories about the man."

Ruth rubbed her nose to stop a sneeze and listened on silently.

"His grandson seems to have a good heart. He was seen talking to Seller’s slave." Roberts said, hiding Marston's bottle. The man had drank enough.

"Someone who can keep up with that girl?"

"I’d rather we didn’t talk about her." Marston growled.

Roberts growled back; "Still in mourning? Over some animal you said you’d break its neck anyway? I hardly doubt it was the girl who did it Marston, she loves any and all animals."

Ruth hadn't been aware she was being blamed for_ that_. She was insulted.

"What else does she do in the Galley?" Marston responded.

"Nothing but torment Annie Ban from what I hear. Seller deliberately sends his slave over there just to annoy his sister. She does a good job just by being in the room."

"He’s kept that animal for ten years?"

"None of that Isaac." Fairly told his friend.

"Peace!" Roberts ordered them.

Ruth saw that Adam had been seen. He was carrying a jug,

She wondered if she should step in.

Adam was shaking; "Mr Marston? It wasn’t Ruth who had to kill your bird, it was Bess. But she was ordered -"

"Shut up and fill my glass." Marston responded.

"He knows Adam, it’s alright." The doctor reassured the boy.

Marston suddenly got up.

Before Ruth could move, Adam had already taken flight. The jug now smashed on the deck.

Fairley and Roberts grabbed the drunk man; "Doctor, how about we lock this one up until he’s sober?"

"Agreed."

Ruth decided she'd seen enough and went back to where she was before.

Stars were starting to appear when Sarah took a walk up on deck alone. She was thinking of the people she had been forced to leave behind for this godforsaken "trip". She hadn't wanted to go at all but she had no choice. At least her Uncle seemed to scare of the men who were eager to have her on their laps.

She was homesick. Missing her friends, wanting to go home soon. Hoping something would happen which would send everyone home.

She stopped as she heard a familiar sound.

She followed the sound and found Ruth on the ground, now in her long coat, drawing.

Sarah had known about Ruth before this trip. She knew that unlike her, Ruth would probably never go home. She couldn't understand why her Uncle would keep a slave never mind....

Well, Ruth.

Sarah approached her; "Ruth?"

Nothing.

"Ruth."

Again nothing.

Sarah gave her a light kick; "Ruth!"

"I sometimes hate my name. It sounds like you’ve turned into a dog." Ruth grinned.

"Very funny" Sarah wasn't impressed; "Why must you hide behind books and drawings? Why can’t you just do as you’re told? Why can’t you make things easier for yourself and just..... If something were to happen to you, it would hurt a lot of people, myself included."

Sarah could see the girl was confused. She shouldn't have ranted, but it was too late now.

"Are you angry with me or something?" 

"It’s not that I – I’m worried. I hate scolding you, I really do – you get enough of it but I just can’t bare to see or hear of you getting hurt."

"I think if you stayed here as long as Tony or Joel has, you’d be used to it."

Oh God.

"That’s not what Tony says."

Ruth was blunt; "He has to hurt me sometimes. He hates it, I know he hates it. When’s Adam’s not here, he treats me like I’m this child that needs his protection. I hate it. How is your Grandmother?"

"Why do you change the subject like –?"

"How is your Grandmother?"

Ruth didn't want to talk about herself.

Sarah was still confused; "You’ve never even met her. Or Tara."

"No – Hood told me to stay down on deck when we reach land. He said my appearance would cause suspicion."

"That’s hardly your fault." Sarah wondered if anyone would even care. Ruth was small enough to pass of as someone younger but at the same time, that wasn't unusual with the whores other captains brought on. Also, a Scot? No one would care.

"Do you like James?"

Sarah again was blindsided; "Oh... Yes. I think he’s a good person."

"You told him?"

Sarah understood Ruth's real question; "It’s just nice to see a fresh face around here. I’m just surprised the Captain didn’t recruit him."

"Hood’s got people he can trust. And he said the slaves needed more young men. Preferably white. Makes his image look good."

Ruth had learned a lot simply by listening to conversations as she already done moments ago.

Sarah shook her head; "He's an idiot."

"I wish I was allowed to say what I think of him." Ruth said enviously.

"I’m not going to ask."

"It involves a lot of really, really bad words."

Sarah smiled; "What about you. Do you like the new boy?"

"He's nice." Ruth admitted.

"You’re rather talkative around him aren’t you?"

"He asks me things."

"But you didn't even speak for three weeks. Just remember that there are other people who want to talk to him alright?

"So you do like him?"

"Ruth please..... You always keep your head down when people talk to you but whenever you’re with Uncle Jonathan..... Please swap it around. Talk like this with your friends and don’t acknowledge my Uncle when you can."

There was the real fear Sarah had.

She had seen her Uncle at his worst and feared for this vulnerable girl.

"“Keep your head down?”"

"Am I confusing you?"

"I don’t know."

"Just please be aware of what you’re doing and how that affects people alright? Alright?"

Ruth had stopped talking.

Sarah sighed and walked away;

"Hopeless....."

Ruth blinked as she heard that word coming from Sarah's move and watched the well dressed member of the Seller family leave her alone.

Sarah was kind. And a friend. She knew that. 

But did she have to act like she knew better than she did? 

She sighed. People were strange.

She covered herself in her coat as the cold started to creep in.

Tony found her a few minutes later. He picked her up and carried her downstairs as he always did when he thought it was too cold.

James was still awake so he watched Tony put his friend in one of the empty crates and leave her there.

He then prayed for himself that he could find the same strength to live and carry on as she seemed to have.

He wouldn't have known the terror she was going through in her dreams that night, 


	10. Cards

The next day was Sunday and by the law of the Captains word, the slaves needed work as hard.

Unable to find his younger friends after the church service, and Sarah being forced to spend time with her family, James agreed to a game of cards with Tony, Travesty and Bess.

He couldn't help but notice the small Chaplain and the Galley slave were both rather flirty towards each other. He could see Tony was a little embarrassed to be witnessing their behavior but at the same time, he was used to it.

Honestly, it was nice to see someone happy on this ship filled with unhappy faces.

"So you met my son and Ruth?" Tony asked him as they got through the slow game.

"I met them both on my first full day," James responded; "I've mostly been talking to Ruth."

"A fascinating character isn’t she?" Travesty asked.

"She’s a character alright." Bess muttered.

Tony looked around; "She’s talking again?"

James decided to ask; "Can something explain to me what..... Uh, what was everyone talking about? About Ruth speaking again?"

His question was met by silence.

Travesty put his cards down; "We’ve had a bad three weeks James. I suppose you being here was a blessing in disguise."

Bess spoke up; "There was dog we had on this ship that belonged to the Captain – Ruth got very attached to the animal – in fact anything that isn’t human gets her full attention – birds that fly around the ship, cats that we bring on board to catch the rats - even the rats. But this dog was allowed to roam free around the ship and it used to keep her warm on deck. Its name was Pitt and we were told not to kick or hurt to or risk serious punishment."

James frowned; "Meaning?"

"Death."

Oh God.

"You’ll find out a lot of punishments end up in death anyway." Travesty bluntly added to that.

"Two pirates got drunk" Bess continued; " And stabbed the poor mutt right in front of the younger slaves. Ruth tried to stop it - but you see her bandage?"

James had noticed one on the girl's arm; "They stabbed her?"

"It was a slash." Travesty answered; "Thankfully it wasn’t too deep but there was a lot of blood. Ruth’s always been very squeamish when it comes to blood and she started shaking. And then Richard Hood goes and hang’s those men right in front of us as we’re treating her – and she starts whimpering and clutching her head like a mad woman. And then once she calmed down – after half an hour - she just wouldn’t talk."

"Until I came."

"Yes and you don’t know how much I’m grateful to you." Bess said with a smile.

"I was on the ledge, thinking about falling in. If anything, she saved my life that day and I should be grateful for that."

"That's not Ruth." Tony finally spoke; "She's not one to approach strangers. It took us a long time for us to gain her trust and it took longer for her to talk to Adam and Sarah. What did she see in you?"

"I like his hair. It's spiky."

Bess let out a shriek when she heard the voice coming from under the table. Must to Travesty and James's amusement, she pulled the cloth over and bent down; "You!"

Ruth, under the table, folded some paper; "I'm going to sleep now."

"I’ve warned you about scaring everyone like this. My heart is getting too old for your tricks."

Ruth was out but she looked puzzled; "Tricks?" She hadn't heard that word in English yet.

"Don’t you know the old saying that those who listen behind doors rarely hear anything good about themselves?" Bess continued to scold.

"I wasn’t behind the door, I was under the table."

"You’re a hopeless case." Bess turned around to see Travesty was in silent hysterics; "It's not funny!"

Tony wasn't smiling; "Before you go young lady."

Ruth sighed; "What is it this time?"

"Why did you tell Adam that you’d throw him overboard?"

"It was a joke."

"It wasn’t very funny."

"Yes it was. James smiled."

James looked away to avoid Tony's glare.

"If I hear about you threatening Adam again, you’ll be over my knees." The man then threatened.

"Might as well." Bess added.

"The pair of you need a sense of humor." Travesty stepped in to defend Ruth; "You better go Miss Stevens, before one of these two bursts a vein."

Ruth hadn't much reacted to the scoldings. James wondered why.

She smiled at James; "You’re hair’s nice and spiky. I like that."

"Ruth," Tony gave her a verbal warning to leave.

This time she frowned at the older man. She didn't say another word as she left. She didn't need to.

"Why is everyone always scolding her?" James broke the silence. "In my short time here, I've seen and heard everyone being quite sharp to the girl when she's hardly done a thing wrong."

No one responded.

"Am I missing something, what's so wrong with her?"

Ruth had made her way to the doctors room. Dr Roberts always had it open to her though he talked little and was often never there.

Ruth was someone who valued her own privacy, hence why she hid under tables or stayed up on deck away from the arguing and misery. How Roberts kept his door open, Ruth thought that was silly.

"Ruth!"

She was greeted by a woman.

Lesley Dodd's. Irish. One of the newest and only female pirate on the crew. One of her legs was out of her slobs, her knee blistered and covered in some liquid she's just put on herself.

Ruth quickly averted her eyes; "Sorry, I didn't know anyone was here."

Lesley dressed herself quickly; "No, come in!"

Ruth sensed some warmness from the woman but didn't go to near. Pirates were unpredictable as she'd learned in her ten years.

Mind you, the new ones - both this woman and James - had shown some kindness towards her.

"I see you have your bag. This is where you hide to draw is it?" Lesley pulled her out of her thoughts.

"Sometimes." Ruth answered truthfully.

"You ought to show some of them, I’ve seen some from afar. You’re very good." Lesley noticed there was same space between them as she got up; "You’re a bit scared of me aren’t you Ruth?"

" A little".

"I’m not surprised. I’ve seen how the men treat you around here. And that bitch Annie Ban. It’s not nice is it?"

Lesley had witnessed Mrs Ban yell at the younger girl before and had publicly stood up for girl against the angry older woman.

"I can handle myself."

"I saw. You’re insults might be childish but at least you give them a fight."

Ruth wondered when she would be left alone or if she should just leave.

"You're not pretty, but no one can help looking at you. You're a unique girl. Have you ever heard that word?"

"No." Ruth admitted.

"It means you’re different. And it’s not just because of where you came from or – say what happened in your past. I don’t think you see the world through everyone else’s eyes. I envy you."

"I wouldn't." Ruth was honest.

The door opened.

Lesley smiled; "Isaac!"

Ruth rolled her eyes.

Here we go again.....

Marston saw her; "Get out!"

"Let her stay, I'm already leaving" Lesley said.

"Where to? Everyone is working or drinking and I just want some time alone." He grabbed Ruth by the hair and pushed her towards the door; "I said get out!"

Ruth left and decided to go and hide in the Cargo Hold. It was just another typical Sunday.

"I was talking to that girl." Lesley was disgusted.

"And now you’re talking to me."

"You can be a right bastard Mr Marston."

"I don’t want to be even more miserable looking at that dud."

"No need for that! So you’re upset over some bird’s death – she died to give us some meat."

"We could have waited another day!"

"Well she would have died anyhow. Are you going to stop acting like a baby now?" The Irish woman slapped him once; "Be a man! And don’t pick on that girl around me again; go after someone your own size!"


	11. One Gun Shot

The next morning, James was ordered by Mrs Ban to help tidy her brother - Jonathan Seller's room.

What James had seen of Seller was the usual. Seller demanded respect from his pirate crew but oddly enough seemed civil with the older slaves. He ignored Adam - the young boy was already terrified of him and he hardly gave James a glance. 

With his own slave, Seller would glare. Ruth never spoke to him unless he did, at which point she openly talked back with no concern for her own safety. Seller's words were often needlessly cruel. He mocked her culture, calling the Scot's barbarians, accusing them of cannibalism. Ruth would not respond to these taunts until he attacked her own family, asking when was the last time they sat together and ate a child. Her own taunts were feeble but effective enough and James would watch in both fear and confusion as Seller would mumble an apology and leave them. If Bess happened to be there, poor Ruth was scolded for "endangering herself and the others in the room". Sarah didn't take sides, calling both her Uncle and his slave childish while Adam and James always took Ruth's side.

James also noticed that a female pirate seemed to stick up for the younger slaves when and if Seller or the others were being hard. He also noticed Tony and Travesty were talking to her. This was a good sign that the slaves had a new ally.

"What's Miss Dodd's story?" He asked Ruth as he changed the sheets on Seller's bed.

"Don't know", she was sweeping; "Marston picked her up in Ireland. A famine or something, I didn’t pay attention to find out. But she's nice."

"And Marston. What's his problem?" James had been yelled at by the man already.

"I don't know. I know he's American. Captain Hood met him in some basement. Both were hiding. Marston was praying and apparently he was scared in case someone would get upset.

"Is he a Quaker?"

"Muslim." She saw James' confusion; "Don’t tell me you don’t know what a Muslim is."

"No I - I, he..... just doesn't look like one?"

Ruth stopped working and gave him her full attention.

"Have I said something wrong?" James asked.

No response.

"Something stupid?"

"Jesus Christ, seriously?" Ruth was unimpressed; "A man with degrees and a good knowledge of the world can’t use his intelligence to realize that skin color doesn’t mean a person is this or that?"

"Yes I can actually."

"Poor show."

"It’s just that when you think about Muslim’s, they’re usually always -" 

"I could be a Muslim and Scottish too you know. I won’t, I’m quite happy cursing at my own God for creating an abomination like myself but I could. I’d still be me. Abomination and all. _Gòrach "_

James was more impressed than insulted; "I just slipped up and made a mistake. You're right."

"I like you. You're a nice person and make me feel smart."

James knew she was teasing him but didn't mind; "Anyway, Marston?"

"Marston’s family were rich farmers who owned slaves. Some of them happened to be Muslim and he got converted after a few secret meetings. When they found out, his family killed those slaves so he ran away. He ran all the way to New York from down south and that’s where Hood met him. He bought a bird with him – a big yellow one but its disappeared recently. Mr Marston’s been in a mood ever since. I’ve never really seen him smile anyway. _Tha e duilich_ "

"I heard they cooked it."

"I don't think so. They wouldn't."

James remembered the story the others had told him. Ruth obviously loved all animals and didn't like the idea of the bird getting harmed in any way.

"Have you been as far as America?" He asked as she came over to help him.

"Three times in my ten years. Never set foot on the streets but it looked nice. How’s Sarah doing?"

He paused; "Why do you change the subjects when I’m least expecting it?"

"I don't know. How is Sarah?"

"Why are you asking me?"

"She’s behaving funny. Keeps looking around for you. She says I’m bad but she’s worse. Adam says she has a crush on you. I don’t know what he means. “Crush”. Why does she want to crush you?"

James wasn't sure how to respond.

Ruth suddenly got worried; "Have I said something stupid?"

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

Sarah was in the room she shared with her mother. Her Uncle was there, writing a letter to be delivered at their next stop. Where, no one yet knew. And Sarah was bored and fidgety. He mother was not happy. 

"I don't know what to do with myself." Sarah confessed.

"You're disturbing your uncle!"

"She's not." Seller bluntly responded.

Her mother opened the door; "Out! Now!"

Sarah sighed and obeyed.

Seller rolled his eyes as his sister huffed and puffed and he got up and followed his niece out; 

"Sarah. What's wrong sweetheart?"

Seller was many things, but he could be a good Uncle when the time came.

"Ever since that boy...." Sarah blushed.

"Oh."

"Yes. I'm sorry. It's silly."

"No it's not. Believe it or not, your mother was the same at your age. It’s better to talk to someone. Even if it's me."

"Ever since he came I’ve felt strange. He’s such a gentleman and he treats others indiscriminately like they deserve his respect – even mother."

"Hood's unimpressed."

"Why?"

"James is the Grandson of a famous privateer. He taught Hood all he knew."

"I know about that." Sarah was impatient; "But James is nothing like him."

"Exactly. I think Hood wanted him to break as a slave and then join him as a pirate – but he gets on very well with the slaves."

"You know Ruth’s started following him around when she’s not drawing or hiding in empty rooms."

"I know."

"I think it’s good for her Uncle. Please let her talk to him, it’ll do her some good."

"Yes. He uses it."

Ruth warned James to be very careful while removing the dust from Seller's piano.

"So he has a talent besides yelling orders and beating up other men?" James joked.

"Most murderers are if they don’t play the cello."

"Where’d you get that idea from?"

"I used to be friends with a woman called Kate back home. She said some things that you can’t forget."

James looked at her; "Was she a neighbor?"

No response. Ruth seemed distracted.

"Someone who lives hear?"

"Yes. She lived near the school. Sometimes I stayed over........." She shook her head; "I don't like his picture."

James realized she was looking at a small picture on top of the piano.

He picked it up and looked at it.

He couldn't believe it.

"Something wrong?" Ruth couldn't make out what was going on.

James showed her; "That’s my Grandfather’s. It’s one of his pictures. This one he did in Scotland. "

Ruth grimaced; "Do you like it?"

"It's not his best. Do you?"

"No not really. Where's the house?"

James frowned; "The house?"

"There’s supposed to be a house on that hill."

The room went silent.

Ruth's voice went quiet; "When did he do this?"

"Five years ago."

She nodded; "Alright.... I get it."

She turned away and grabbed her ears. James watched her as she muttered some words in her own language and he was unsure what to do. He put the picture back but placed it down so she couldn't see it. Then he put his hands in his pockets and quickly thought up a new conversation;

"This isn't what I thought it would be."

She recovered a little; "Boring? Because it is boring. Don’t worry, you’ll see someone get hanged pretty soon."

He regretted his choice of action; "I'd rather not."

"You English love hangings."

"I'm not like everyone."

To be fair to her, his Grandfather and a lot of his friends enjoyed what they called "a good hanging". Ruth had a reason to think of his culture that way.

"Neither am I." Ruth responded to that.

James decided to stop his pretense; "Are you alright? That picture hasn't upset you has it?"

"I think so."

"You think so?"

"I’m not sure." Ruth's hands cradled themselves; "Am I strange? Am I strange to you? _Neo-àbhaisteach?"_

"Uh.... Neo?"

"Abnormal?" Ruth remembered the English word.

"You are different Ruth but that's not a bad thing. Not to me. To be honest, you make things more bearable."

She gave him a sad smile; "Did you think any of this would be more exciting?"

"I expected worse." James admitted. 

"It does get worse. You can’t live in a place like this and expect everyone to get along. We’ll both fight in the future. We'll argue and hit each other."

James didn't like that idea; "I hope not."

"We will. I fight with anyone. I’m a very good fighter. _B 'urrainn dhomh a thoirt leat."_

He smiled; "I don’t know what you just said but I’m guessing you think you can beat me."

"Don't tease me Mr Coleman." She responded with her own smile.

James picked up the picture.

"No." Ruth stopped him.

"The house -"

"No. Sorry - sorry, sorry but...."

James could sense her pain; "Some other time?"

"Yes."

"Of course. Whenever you're ready."

Ruth watched him put the picture back; "I don't think I will be sir."

James looked at her, startled at the word "sir".

She looked away and again grabbed her ears.

James went up to her and took her hands. They were shaking.

"I don't like it." Ruth tried to explain, clearly embarrassed.

James nodded; "I'll get rid of it."

She panicked; "_Is e do sheanair a th 'ann -_ It’s your Grandfather’s."

"I don't miss the man anyhow."

"But Seller -"

"Don't worry." James went firm; "Please. He has other pictures up here see? And with the mess he makes, I hardly doubt he'll remember he had it." 

And James broke the picture in half, opened the small window and threw it out to the sea.

He could hear Ruth's panicked breathing behind him start to slow down and he turned round to see her holding herself.

"You have someone waiting for you?" She finally asked.

"My mother." James confirmed; "You know, my Grandfather was awful to her. I know I talk about him a lot but I didn’t like the man. We used to fight. I wish we didn’t but....."

"You're dwelling."

"I know."

"I suppose it’s ok to sometimes. I don’t have anything from my Grandparents. Not even my name."

"The first daughter is supposed to be named after the Grandmother right?"

"Right."

"So....?"

"I don’t really know. Davie said it was because she called me a “dud” and _màthair_ didn’t like that. They stopped talking because of me."

"Who's Davie."

Ruth's voice slowed; "Someone who used to look after me when my parents were busy."

James couldn't help his curiosity; "What do you mean about your Grandparents? You said they stopped talking because of you?"

Ruth took care of her words; "_Athair_ said to me that Grandfather was upset over the name thing and then he died before he could meet me. Apparently he was remorseful. And then Grandmother visited us a lot – but then I was – I was _tri_ \- three and I was turning this plate around and around. And she said to my mother that I “was a dud child”. That really upset my parents."

James himself felt offended; "Yes, that's not very nice."

"I wasn’t allowed to go near her after that. I didn’t mind, she wasn’t very friendly. If I could, I'd avoid the people that -"

The door slammed open.

Seller and Sarah were at the end of the corridor and saw who went into his room.

"Danny Wade." Seller grumbled; "A man on my "to kill list"".

Sarah suddenly remembered; "Uncle, James and Ruth are in there!"

Seller gave his niece a reassuring squeeze of her hand.

"Mr Wade, you should leave."

James saw a complete change in Ruth. She had picked up the broom she had been using and stood between him and the older man as she had done the last time. And she sounded angry.

Wade just smiled; "Where’s your master Stevens?"

"With his sister." Ruth kept her eyes on him.

"What’s wrong pet? Most girls’ your age would have killed to have two men in one room."

James realized why Ruth was acting this way.

"Go away." Ruth repeated.

"Or what? You’ll beat me with your little mop? That wouldn’t draw blood." He saw James; "That’s a good looking young man Annie got. Do you want to keep him for yourself?"

"If I was looking for men who knew how to speak properly."

Seller and his niece appeared at the door. Sarah looked frightened while Seller just looked annoyed. Wade didn't notice;

"You’re a fucking highlander. A savage!" Wade came closer.

"That’s what a lot of people said about Shylock. He responds _“Hath not a Jew eyes? Hath not a Jew hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passion?” _He goes on a bit more but do you see my point?"

Wade was silenced.

"You know Shakespeare?" James couldn't help himself.

Ruth gave him a look.

Seller closed the door; "A sad day when a “savage” shows up your stupidity."

Wade became very cheerful; "Jonathan! Sarah!"

"Stay away from me" Sarah ordered. She turned to Ruth; "Put that down, we're here."

Ruth disobeyed.

"What’s your game Wade?" Seller folded his arms and glared.

"I just came after your slave."

"Came after?"

"I like young small women with little sense. Come on. We’re trapped on a ship working day and night, gagging for the opposite sex and a pretty face to look at."

Seller turned to his slave; "What's your view on that Ruth?"

"Sir. I don't have a pretty face."

"Without insulting yourself." Seller firmly told her, hiding his amusement.

"If he does see something pleasing about my face, then we are in great trouble. I heard from the other men that Mr Wade here much prefers the cat."

Seller openly chuckled.

"Ruth!" Sarah whispered but the slave ignored her.

Wade's cheerfulness vanished and he growled at Ruth; "I ought to take my belt to you. Teach her a lesson! Go on!"

"I don’t punish truth tellers Mr Wade." Seller responded.

"See the way she’s looking at you! Your slave has no respect for you."

"Stop it" Sarah told Ruth.

Ruth gave her a glare.

Seller drank from a bottle; "Go outside before I order the whip – I may even throw the cat over board if you don’t leave quickly."

Wade attacked him.

Sarah rushed to a cabinet, grabbed a pistol and somehow managed to give it to her Uncle.

A shot.

Wade lay dead on the floor.

"Christ....."

Seller gave himself a moment to recover. Then he turned to the shocked James; "This is the man who killed your father you know that? Your Grandfather’s painting’s made your family very famous, that’s how I know. You have my condolences for both of their deaths young man.

"James, are you alright?" Sarah was by his side.

James could feel his ears ringing; "Fine...."

As his ears cleared, he heard whimpering.

He turned and saw Ruth was bundled in a corner. The noise had set something off.

He tried to go over but Sarah stopped him, nodding at her Uncle who was watching his slave.

Seller knew what was up with the girl. He knew Ruth very well. He knew what triggered her anger and he knew why she hated him. At the same time, he knew she understood that he was the only one who knew what she was going through.

He should have just knocked the man out.

He was an idiot.

He went over and gave her a gentle shake; "Alright. Up. It's alright kid. He's dead." He turned to Sarah; "Go and find Tony, tell him what’s happened – mention who saw it."

Sarah gave James an apologetic look and left.

Seller sighed as he looked at the body; "I won't get the both of you to clean this up. You can have the rest of the day off."

"What should I say to Mrs Ban?" James asked.

"Don't say anything," the man then turned to the girl who, will now standing, was still visibly shaken. He bent down and pointed to the gunshot wound; "See the hold in his head Ruthie? He didn’t feel a thing. You see? He didn’t suffer."

Ruth wiped her mouth; "I don’t like being called Ruthie."

Seller burst out laughing.

James didn't like it.

Seller got up; "I just shoot a man in my own room and that’s all you have to say?"

Ruth wasn't amused; "I don’t like being called Ruthie."

Seller turned to James; "Do you hear this one?" He gave Ruth a small push; "Stevens you’re an odd one. Scared of the dark, scared of fire, scared of loud noise – won’t speak to anyone if she can help it - Sitting around corners of rooms drawing nonsense..... If you ever get off this ship alive, you’ll be no use to anyone but a window-licker. You’ll probably be told to lick a dog’s bowl clean since you’ll be of no use anyhow."

"Go to hell."

Seller's good mood vanished and he grabbed her by the throat.

"Sir!" James stepped in.

Seller sighed and let go; "Both of you get out."

Ruth wasn't finished; "A window licker probably gets more pay in one year then pirates do in five. Are you even getting paid for all this anymore? This nonsense you got yourself involved in."

James opened the door and silently begged Ruth to stop.

"I can't handle this right now." Seller warned her.

Ruth shrugged; "By the way, someone’s been taking more drinks from your cabinet."

Seller felt anger; "Who has the keys?"

"Not me. I am of no use to take such a responsibility."

She was teasing him.

James wondered if this was bravery or stupidity.

Seller was seething; "You’re one step close to having that pretty face of yours -"

"What pretty face?"

He lunged at her but she managed to escape while James slammed the door shut. They both bolted to the deck.

They stopped to catch their breath,

Ruth recovered first; "Was that exciting for you?"

That was s serious question. James just stared at her.

"What?"

"Weren't you scared?"

"I don’t like it when guns go off. It hurts my ears. Also dead bodies. They’re pretty creepy."

James finally recovered; "Why did you argue with that man?"

"I don't like stupid people."

"He seems genial when you’re not angering him." James felt his back creak.

"Genial? He's sadistic. Sadistic people are stupid people. If they can’t see beyond killing, then they’re stupid."

"Don’t you think it was a little silly arguing with him then?"

"No. Cause I don’t think about it. I don’t like the man."

James now realized why Sarah had been so firm with this girl. Ruth apparently couldn't see the line she was crossing every time she spoke. It was a worrying trait. 

"I understand that but don’t you want to make your life here better?"

"I always feel better when I annoy him."

"I don't understand that Ruth."

"Neither do I."

He saw her face suddenly change to cautious.

Marston was behind him.

"Miss Stevens." He was cordial; "I’ve been looking for you. I just want to apologize for my behavior this week. It’s probably best we stay away from each other until I feel better. You’re a safe one to throw my weight around but I don’t want it to come to that. If it happens...... You don’t take it personally do you?"

"Mr Wade's dead." Ruth just responded bluntly.

"Well that’s some good news for a change. Good day."

He left them alone.

Ruth sighed in frustration; "I can't keep up with these people."

James wondered if he could keep up with her.


	12. A "Dud" child

_ My family lived in a croft in a town somewhere near the sea in the highlands. _

_ My husband was David. He was a farmer. My parents disproved of him but with so many young people moving to the cities, they had to hold their tongues and be glad their daughter was in love. _

_ Our first two children were boys - David and John. Healthy and strong. Also full of mischief who both needed my husband's firm hand. _

_ David, a large child whose hands I sometimes felt were bigger than his brain, was the most energetic of the boys while John was a follower yet left to himself, he was very sociable and picked up reading and writing quicker than his brother. _

_ Our third child was Robert. Robert only lasted three weeks before death - in it's usual indiscriminate nature - took him from us. My husband and I agreed after that loss that there would be no more children. We had two healthy sons and just about got through each year with food and money. _

_ Ruth was a surprise. _

_ The baby was weak and we were told by our local priest that we should prepare for the worst. Weak babies did not survive in the harsh environment. Or at least, weren’t supposed to. Yet death spared her. _

_ From the start, the child was a quick learner but she was shy and hardly talked. _

_ I knew she was "different". At the same time, I resented the stares my child received by the elders in church and my heart broke when I saw her playing alone while children her age ignored her. Even her brothers preferred to play with each other and would shut their sister out. She never seemed to mind as much as I did, but often I worried how lonely she felt. _

_ My parents were furious that we didn't name the child after my own mother as is tradition. I named her after the old midwife who nursed and kept my baby safe while my husband tended to me. The old woman wept with joy on hearing the news so I had no regrets. _

_ My father refused to see our family after that argument but he died not long after and my mother was free to visit. _

_ At age three, Ruth was the only child who didn't greet her Grandmother. I believe she sensed the woman's coldness and I refused to discipline her when my mother ordered. _

_ Then one day, my mother observed my child playing with a plate. Ruth would take a plate and spin it around on the ground for at least half an hour before she finally got bored. _

_ "That is a dud child." My mother remarked with a sniff; "It probably will be a problem for us." _

_ My husband and I were furious. I never allowed my mother to go near my children again. _

_ My husband adored his daughter. He would boast to his friends about her intelligence, get her to say a few words in English for him and his friends to praise her and try to grow her in confidence. He used to take her out while he was working and she would help as much as she could or play with the doll he made close by. _

_ He even took her when he had to leave home to sell our crops despite her young age. I was afraid she'd get hurt but he assured me he would take care of her. _

_ On their last trip together, a small puppy jumped into the cart and they brought it home. I was not pleased but the dog thankfully proved to be easily trained and the boys suddenly became interested in playing with their sister who now had a dog. They called him Snap. _

_ Then my husband died. _

_ And the happiness in our lives was gone. _


	13. The Captain's Daughter

Two weeks had gone by.

James was now used to being ordered around and spat upon. He kept his mouth shut when the crew jeered and ignored the slaves drunken antics when they were allowed some booze.

Sarah was now a close friend. When she could, she would talk to him about anything that would help him remove himself from his situation - English literature, hunting, buildings. She shared his fascination with art, admitting that she was always eager to see his Grandfather's paintings and had sneaked a few peaks or Ruth's drawings.

"She's very good." She told him, "Have you seen them?"

He hadn't bothered to, he was a little ashamed to admit. Ruth herself didn't like sharing her drawings and _really_ didn't like it when you touched her small leather bag which Travesty had gifted her.

Travesty, Bess and Tony were all mature, level-headed people that James enjoyed his time with. Travesty's door continued to be open for him, Bess kept him from the worse of Mrs Ban's outbursts and Tony would warn him in advance if something terrible such as a lynching or punishment was to take place. James had a weak stomach and Tony knew it.

As for Ruth and Adam, they were still very much the children of the ship. Adam more so due to his younger age and lack of maturity. James was an only child so it was nice to feel like he had a younger brother or sister despite the differences - Adam, a black child born into slavery, Ruth, a Highlander who hadn't stepped foot on land in over ten years - and himself, a Lord's son who had only known the rich life yet had been curious, sympathetic almost to the poor man's plight.

Now here he was, two weeks later and he felt these people were better friends than the people wondering what had happened to him back on shore.

He found himself playing with both Ruth and Adam, throwing a ball between them. The small ball was a tiny cannon ball that had been thrown at Adam and he had kept it every since.While they played, they discussed the events in Seller's room and Marston's apology to Ruth.

"Marston’s alright. He respects folks like me unless he’s really drunk." Adam said; "He can be very scary when he's drunk but he's one of the better ones."

He threw the hard black ball to James.

"The people here are really interesting. I guess I should take more time to learn about others then simply bond over social status or wealth when I get home."

James threw it to Ruth.

She threw it to Adam.

"Not so much force" the younger boy scolded. He threw it to James; "My father was slave back in America until Richard Hood bought him and my mother. I was born in England."

James threw it back to him; "You don't see him that much?"

"No." Adam threw it at Ruth.

"I haven't met your mother." She said, throwing to James.

"She's a nice lady. She's always worried."

"That is their job."

James threw the ball to Adam; "I’ll put my hands up and say I was close to my mother. What about you Ruth?"

Ruth forgot to watch for the ball; "She was alright."

"You must miss her."

"I -"

The ball struck her in the head.

Adam swore at himself and with James rushed over to her.

Ruth clutched her head and said some Gaelic which both boys new were words not for their eyes but other than that she was fine. She recovered quickly.

James noticed that the glare she shot was not at Adam but at him.

What had _he_ done?

"Under arm until someone drops out". Adam brought him out of his thoughts.

"Can I draw you both?" Ruth asked as the boys got ready to face off.

"Whatever." Adam didn't care.

"Haven’t you already done some drawing today?" James then asked. Ruth had been told off twice for drawing in the Galley by both his mistress and Bess.

"Yes."

"So....?"

" I like drawing. And there’s no chess board anymore because of _him_."

"It was an accident." Adam defended himself.

Ruth started to draw; "Whatever."

"She’s been annoying me all day." Adam whispered to James. He threw the ball.

James caught it, just; "She was with me all day actually."

"Doesn't she annoy you?"

"No."

The ball was thrown and Adam easily caught it.

"You’re a trained lawyer I suppose. I wish I had your patience. I really do. I like this girl, but she’s -"

_"Dùn do chab"_

They both stopped and looked at Ruth.

"You’re nippy without your beloved chess board."

Adam flinched; "Alright. I'm sorry."

“_Dùn do chab__?”_ James asked for translation.

""Shut up."" Ruth gave it him.

"I’m not that well trained really." James responded to Adam.

"You sure? You seem very good with people. I mean you got Ruth here calm and able to talk to you."

"He's the only one who doesn't roll his eyes at me." James heard Ruth quietly mutter.

He pretended he hadn't heard; "I'm not good at court." He turned to her; "What is court to you?"

She frowned; "Explain?"

"It’s a place where he works. He must stand there and condemn or try to save someone from goal or death" Adam said helpfully.

"Ah, _cùirt lagha. - Court of law"._

"Well, I only did it a few times and it was always with my father." James answered Adam's last question.

"What was the worse one?" The boy now asked.

The game stopped abruptly.

"My father was once involved in a case with a black man. Everyone knew he wasn’t guilty but – so he had no choice but to hang him. He never really got over it. I was appalled by it all."

Ruth frowned; "Why did they find him guilty."

Adam was not surprised; "He was black."

"And?" Ruth still didn't get it.

"A lot of people are very stupid. The jury were full of them and worse." James said to her.

"I'm stupid but I know there's no difference but colour."

"That means you're not stupid."

"I don't like that word anyway."

"Neither do I." Adam agreed. "I've been called that enough by strangers back home. Along with "fat lips.""

"You know, I think between the three of us, we could easily run this ship with no problem." James said, hoping to bring the mood up.

"Don't like ships." Ruth responded bluntly.

"Well I understand that."

"Or wooden floors that leave dust everywhere. Or the sea. Why do we have so much water and why does it have so much life in it yet kill too?"

Adam rolled his eyes; "She's thinking deep again. James, you better snap her out of it. Or I can hit her with the ball again."

James gave him a disapproving glare before turning back to Ruth; "What else do you not like?

"I don’t like flies, the sun, fire, the dark, blood, fish, bells, wet floors, bread, yellow flowers, pink dresses, black toe nails, my own red hair and loud noises. And I hate loud noises and colours."

"Big mistake James." Adam sighed.

James ignored him; "What about the Navy's uniform? It's bright."

"I don't like them." Ruth insisted.

"Suppose they were the ones who save us in the end?"

"They won’t. Hood’s took down three when I’ve been here."

"The ships get bigger and better."

"Yet they always miss him when he comes to England to see his wife and daughter." Adam agreed with Ruth; "Actually, why is his daughter with us? I thought it was supposed to just be me and Sarah this year?"

"His daughter's here?" James hadn't seen or heard about her.

"Bess told me the wife died" Ruth said; "Catherine's still not yet sixteen so she has to stay with him. _Tha i beag-naire."_

"What did you say?" James asked.

Ruth was still getting used to being asked about her language; "I said she has no shame."

"She got better after you slapped her." Adam reassured her.

James blinked.

"Good." Ruth was pleased; "I hope so."

James and Adam had to return to the Galley to prepare the next day's meal and clear up the mess left afterwards.

"How did she slap the Captain's daughter and still live?" James asked.

"She did it in front of my father."

"Tony saved her? What happened?"

"I can tell you."

The boys stopped and turned around.

Catherine Hood was just standing there.

Adam became frightened; "Miss Hood we -"

"It's alright." The young girl reassured him. Then she looked at James; "James is it?"

James frowned; "I know you...."

She nodded; "We’ve seen each other at parties or hunting events but I don’t think we talked. My mother was a friend of your father’s. She only used her maiden name among company."

"Gosling." James remembered now; "You have my condolences about your mother, she was a good woman."

She smiled sadly; "Thank you – the same for your father and Grandfather."

Catherine was wearing a yellow plain dress, her wrist had a watch and silver bracelet and she wore comfortable, acceptable shoes for the ship. It was clear her father - as dangerous and unpredictable as he was said to be was - he loved his daughter and looked after her well. Still, she was ordered to stay in her room all day and he went days without speaking to her. Today, she had escaped and was taking a walk before anyone would notice.

"Tell him about when Ruth slapped you!" Adam begged excitedly.

"Adam." James shook his head.

"It's alright" Catherine was a little uncomfortable but wanted to talk; "I was a brat. This one day I decided to escape for a while and spent a good hour insulting Ruth in the cargo Hold. She was drawing in the corner and didn’t seem to be listening so it was easy. Then Tony comes in to look for me and I tell him – calling him some terrible names - to go away or I’ll tell father he touched me and did so forgetting his wife. And then I turn back to Ruth and she hits me across the face."

"You didn't tell the Captain?" 

"No. I would never do that - even then, I knew what that meant." Catherine bit her lip at the memory; "She then showed me this mark on her arm...."

Catherine repeated the then fourteen year old's angry words; "_“You see this? This is what happens when you spill water on your master’s papers. Do you think Tony is simply going to get fired over some spoilt brat not wanting to go back to Daddy? What if he’s not there anymore huh? How would you feel about that? Galla...."_

A startled Catherine then witnessed Tony boxing the girl's ears, apologizing to her and promising she would be dealt with. Catherine immediately apologized to them both but she couldn't save Ruth from Tony's arm.

"Tony had me watch that." Catherine remembered; "She took her beating silently but I had already made up my mind that she's suffered enough and I would not tell father or anyone else. I couldn't bring anymore harm to her."

"You were young." James tried to comfort her.

"That’s no excuse. I first met her when she was about nine – she’d drawn on the floor on the deck these squares and she jumped in them all by herself. I thought she was either my age of younger – she just had those eyes that made you think....... You don’t really forget the first time you meet Ruth. You can’t help thinking about her either."

"No you can't." Adam agreed.

James just wondered how Ruth's name managed to appear in almost every conversation. 


	14. Hidden Thoughts

** __ **

** _I’m starting to find music does not truly make me forget. Sometimes a chord or even a note brings me back to scenes or, or dreams that I had that chilled me. So now I’ve started talking to Joel Travesty – then a minister in training that only lived because of his height. Hood wanted a priest or a minster but he wanted someone special. I guess he got it. But despite his lack of height, Travesty is a very good minister – not because of his faith – but because he lets you talk. I’ve already confessed a lot to that man and he’s never turned his back. I’ve only withheld one information. I’m not sure when I can even talk about it as it kill me every time I remember what I did._ **

In his room, Seller wrote these words. He drank from the bottle and wrote some more. Then, realizing he had a book he had borrowed from Travesty, picked it up and left.

"Travesty?"

The minister looked up to see Ruth was in the room.

It was way past midnight.

He gestured to his bible and papers; "I’m in the middle of some work right now child."

"How come you talk to him?"

Her tone made him pause.

"Hmmm?" He could only respond.

"How come you talk to him?"

"Who?" He sighed; "Oh for goodness sake. Ruth, you have to explain to me what you’re talking about." Ruth put her fingers in her ears, "You can’t just assume I know what you’re talking about."

"How come you talk to him?"

Joanathn Seller entered with the book; "Joel, sorry I had this." He pushed Ruth as he left; "Out of my way!"

Ruth pointed at the door; "How come you talk to him?"

Travesty frowned after Seller, unimpressed with the man's behavior; "Sometimes he just wants to talk that’s all."

"Tony doesn't like you talking to him."

"Tony needs to remember that I'm a man and I know the dangers." He folded his arms; "What are you doing down here? Why are you awake at this time at night?"

"It's cold."

That was only part of the truth.

"Then you should be in the Cargo Hold with the others. I’d offer you a place to sleep here, but I don’t even have a hammock."

"How come you talk to him?"

Travesty tried to stay patient; "I just told you. Mr Seller seeks my ear and comfort from time to time like everyone else. And I don’t think I should be saying anymore." He went back to his Bible, hoping she'd leave; "Where’s that chapter I always have trouble finding?"

"How can you read that every night?"

"Because the Captain asks me to do a sermon and I can’t do a sermon unless I have this book."

"It's boring."

Travesty smiled at her bluntness but asked firmly; "Have you even read it?"

"Not by choice."

"And you're thoughts?"

"It's a bit outdated." She had another thought; "Very outdated."

Travesty put his Bible down and gave her his attention; "Ruth. Do you believe in God?"

"Of course I do. I just don’t believe everything in that book. There’s a lot of stupid stuff in it."

"I have to agree. This was written so many years ago by various different people who all had a belief in God but felt they had to sneak in their own views of how life should be. I wonder if they ever realized how their words could easily contradict what God really wants out of us."

"What does he want from me?"

"That's really up to you to find out."

"Joel, wouldn’t it be better if we just followed that one rule where everyone forgives and forgets? Or say we just be kinder to one another?"

"If that’s how you feel, then you ought to start following your own heart."

"I don't think I can."

Travesty realized she was trying to tell him something.

And he had acted very dismissively towards her.

Hoping it wasn't too late he asked; "Are you trying to tell me something?

A long pause.

"No sir."

Travesty cursed himself; " You know I’m here if you want to talk to me alright? I won’t tell anyone what was said if you wish, but there’s no need to keep it in and worry over things by yourself. Even I need to talk to someone at times."

"Can I go?"

Thunder was heard outside. The ship swayed, causing both of them to almost lose their balance.

"Stay." Travesty made up his mind; "It is too cold. Use your coat, sleep under the table. I need to go and speak to one of the men now so I’ll lock the door."

Ruth suddenly showed some fear; "Bess said I wasn't supposed to disturb you -"

"I’ll make sure I get the worst of the scolding, don’t you worry." He promised before blowing out the candle and leaving her in the dark.

Ruth was very much afraid of the dark so she was under the table in seconds. She reached up, found a lone candle on Travesty's desk and lit it, bring it under.

She gave a sigh of relief.

She then came out, stole some paper from Travesty's drawers and went underneath. 

Then she began to draw.

The thunder roared outside.

She grabbed her ears and whimpered.

Then she went back to drawing. Her breathing irregular. Her eyes stung.

“With sad unhelpful tears; and with dimm’d eyes, look after him, and cannot do him good.” “I did not think to shed a tear; in all my miseries; but thou hast forc’d me, out of thy honest truth, to play the woman.

No.....

No, I’ll not weep: I have full cause of weeping; but this heart shall break into a hundred thousand flaws or ere I’ll weep.”

Her eyes stopped stinging. She sighed in relief again, her heart beating hard.

_I really wish you’d stop that. If it’s going to upset you, why bother with it at all? Come on now, focus. Look at the ground. How make trees do you think it took just to make the floor? What about the whole ship. One ship Ruth. The only thing protecting you from the sea are these wooden walls. From trees. Like the one you used to hide under if a storm suddenly caught you as you tried to run home. It’s amazing how – however long the tree itself was died, it still looks after us. Why don’t you think about your father and your mother that way? Please focus, try to get some sleep now. Please sweetheart. Please._


	15. A failed Order

** _“And why am I finding this out only now?”_ **

** _Apparently, my sister spilled some salt on the floor, screamed bloody murder and ordered Bess to find Tony who was then ordered to beat his Lordship with his strap._ **

** _My slave was the one who told me this when I asked if she had any idea why my niece was in hysterics._ **

** _“Well?” I demand to know why I was not informed._ **

** _She looks sheepish for once; “It wasn’t too bad.”_ **

** _“Hasn’t that boy defended you since he came on board, yet you didn’t defend him?”_ **

** _“I tried. Bess told me to shut up.”_ **

** _“And Bess terrifies you more than my arm?”_ **

** _“More than you know.”_ **

** _To be fair to her, Bess is scary when she is angry at one or more of the younger slaves. She can frighten Miss Steven’s mischief out with one glare._ **

** _Still;_ **

** _“One order I want followed is when my sister intends to punish her slaves, you must find me.”_ **

** _“Bess was there to calm things down.”_ **

** _“Bess cannot control Annie’s orders. You were supposed to come and find me.”_ **

** _“You can’t control her either.”_ **

** _I had had enough; “Do you never stop and think that one of these days, your mouth is going to get you killed?”_ **

** _She was silent._ **

** _Ruth, when alone, does not talk back as much. She still shows little fear but it’s there._ **

** _“I thought you cared for this boy.”_ **

** _She blinks._ **

** _“Why did you risk his life like that?”_ **

** _She glares._ **

** _“Answer me!”_ **

** _“Again, sir, both Bess and Tony had it under control.”_ **

** _“And my presence would complicate the issue, is that what you’re telling me?”_ **

** _“Your presence always complicates things.”_ **

** _“Again, you dare to speak in a way that can get you killed on this ship. Do you learn nothing-” I feel my rage take over; “don’t you understand you’re endangering yourself? Are you trying to get yourself killed?”_ **

** _She doesn’t buy my worry. I know. And she has every right to think that._ **

** _“I’ll just have to try and beat some sense into you, mustn’t I?”_ **

** _She tries to keep a straight face, but I see it twitch and know what arrogance she had left is gone._ **

** _No, not arrogance. This girl’s self-worth is almost as low as mine. She’s just the better performer. She’s been wearing a mask even before she was snatched and ended as my slave._ **

** _I walk right past her and remove my belt. In the mirror over my fireplace, I notice she hasn’t moved. She’s been here before; she knows what I’m going to do. And she just closes her eyes._ **

** _I start to beat her._ **

** _I know this is not healthy for us both, but I don’t care. This girl has made my sleep unbearable. I wake, shivering in fear and when I see her during the day, I sweat and wish to throw myself into the sea. At least this way, I get some pay back._ **

** _I’ve yet to tell my sister that I do indeed discipline my slave despite what she thinks. If she were to know, she would demand to watch and she would laugh, and I consider that too cruel even for someone like Ruth._ **

** _I stop to take a breath and blink._ **

** _I must have been beating for a good minute or so and she’s on the ground. She has yet to cry out or shed a tear, but I don’t expect tears. Ruth never cries. She will show anger, she will show she is upset but she’ll never let me see her cry._ **

** _I feel exhaustion._ **

** _I grab my stool, push it forwards and sit down._ **

** _She doesn’t look at me as I grab her by the collar and strike her back again and again. I can hear her sharp breathing at each stroke._ **

** _I suddenly groan as my arm muscles give way._ **

** _I drop the belt and get up, fisting my hand and struggling to move it._ **

_“Why are you doing this?”_

** _I should have known._ **

** _The pain disappears like mist and I turn to see the girl hasn’t moved. She’s just lying there._ **

** _I pull a sheet that is waiting for Bess to take it to be washed and throw it on her. It covers everything but her legs._ **

** _I then leave the room. I lock it._ **

** _My body trembles._ **

** _Every time._ **

_Every time. Yet you always do it. You will kill her if you continue. And then what of your promise?_

** _She will not die in my hands!_ **

** _“Uncle?”_ **

** _I blink._ **

** _Sarah and the slave boy is there._ **

** _For someone who has been thrashed with a cane, the young man seems to have taken it well. He walks as if he has a limp, but Tony is always careful when forced to beat one of his own. The boy will be fine in a day or two._ **

** _“I’m sorry, rough day.” I try to smile._ **

** _“My Mistress wants me to collect a sheet for Bess to clean.” Coleman says, pretending he is not in any pain. How noble._ **

** _I unlock the door and walk away._ **

_Sarah and James know straight away that someone is off._

_As soon as she sees he is gone, Sarah is the first to rush in._

_My child is already up, folding the sheet but her head is down as well as her sleeves._

_“Ruth?”_

_Hearing her voice, my child ducks down._

_James knows what has happened; “Why?”_

_Ruth manages to look at them before; “I forgot to get him when his sister wanted you beaten.”_

_“How could he help?”_

_“He says he can control her temper.”_

_“No one can.” Said Sarah. She rushed forward as Ruth struggled to stand; “Careful, careful….”_

_“I’m going to go and draw.” My child’s voice shakes._

_“You’re hurt.” James says uselessly. But what else can he do?_

_“Yes” My child replies, also uselessly._

_“At least rest somehow” Sarah begs._

_“I’ll be needed elsewhere.” She answers as if Sarah should know this by now; “If he comes back and asks, tell him I’m drawing.”_

_Sarah doesn’t know how to respond._

James was in pain, but when he saw the new bruises on her shoulders and the belt lying there on the floor, he could imagine what his young friend had gone through.

“Is this normal?” He asked Sarah as soon as Ruth was out of earshot – walking stiffly and clearly in discomfort.

“No, it’s not normal but here it is.”

“And we can’t do anything?”

“I’ve tried. I tell my Uncle that what he does to her is wrong. Every time I come back here; I’m amazed she’s still alive. He isn’t the only one whose raised their arm against her, but he should know better.”

“You’ve seen it happen before.”

“I don’t want to talk about it just now. I’m too angry. You’ve both been harmed by members of my family and I can’ – I can’t take it just now. Let me do the sheet. You rest.”

“I’ll need to go back.”

Sarah was close to tears; “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’ll live.”

They agreed to find Ruth once the chore was over. Her being by herself and in pain didn’t sit well with either of them.


	16. End of a Hard Day

Ruth made it to the deck before the pain in her back finally got to her and she had to sit down.

The deck was hot. Too hot. Her knees felt like there were being cooked but she had no choice.

She reminded herself that it wasn't the worst Seller had done to her.

Then wished she hadn't reminded herself that.

She felt two hands cover her eyes.

She was frightened of the dark and froze.

"Guess who?"

It was Emmet.

Ruth pushed his hands away; "Go away."

Emmet was unusually cheery towards her; "Stay! Look, I’m not teasing you – seriously, well done for getting Wade killed."

"I didn't do it!" Ruth was appalled.

Behind his friend, Kayser coughed.

"Now what?" Emmet asked.

"Save the celebrations. We don’t know what this means for us."

"He’s dead. No more of his beatings, no more of his insults."

Ruth decided Emmet was an idiot.

Kayser seemed to think so too; "We’re probably either going to be given to someone else or thrown overboard."

"That’s fine with me. I’m not going home after all this if I stay – besides I have family in heaven."

"Don’t we all?"

Ruth felt her heart drop.

"You don’t need to look sad Ruth; we don’t need your sympathy." Kayser seemed a little offended, "I had brothers die before me in the wars and when it was my turn, the cannon that had killed them only took my arm. Remember how they found me?"

"You were dying in the sea." Ruth remembered.

"Seller spotted me and Roberts healed me. I owe my life to those two."

Ruth didn't respond.

"You’re not in a good mood today are you?"

Ruth's mind was elsewhere.

Then she saw James's blue thin coat Sarah had lent him and rushed towards him.

"The hell?" a confused Emmet called after her; "What's wrong with you?"

"Shut up." Kayser told him and the both ran after her.

James quickly forgot his own discomfort and gently pulled Ruth close; "You’re not getting at her again are you?"

"I'm not." Emmet pouted.

Maybe I did by mistake, my apologies." Kayser was sincere.

"Don’t apologize to someone who can’t take a joke."

Ruth, James arm around her in defense mode, glared back.

Kayser was offended; "I was telling her my life story, it’s not a joke you -"

Sarah stopped Kayser's words; "You two need to learn some manners."

Emmet bowed; "Miss Hudson, saint of the downtrodden-"

"Do I look like I’m in the mood for your jokes."

"You never really are."

Emmet and Kayser chuckled at Ruth's reply. James hid a smile.

"Don’t laugh at her, she’s not funny." Sarah ordered.

"I wasn't joking." Ruth defended herself.

"I know. That doesn’t mean you should say anything." She turned to the two young men; "so what’s going to happen with you two?"

"We don't know." Kayser admitted; " Fairley’s been ordering us about and so’s Marston."

"They might put me with one of them and Kayser here with the other." Emmet added.

"Or we’ll be thrown overboard."

"I certainly hope that doesn’t come to that." Sarah said.

"I don’t really care." Emmet replied.

"Have you given up?" James questioned.

"I gave up the moment I was taken. Not by pirates but by hunters. You call them trade folk don’t you? I was out hunting when I saw these white men surrounding me. Next thing I know, I’m on the ground with rope around my wrists and mouth so I couldn’t call for help. Then I’m tied by chains on this ship – and then whilst we’re on the deck being made to jump to a beat, Hood comes along and so I jump over to his ship. I was the only one who survived."

"How long did it take for you to learn English?"

"A while. A year or two? Kayser here and Tony taught me most of what I know but I still struggle a little."

"If you say you gave up hope, then why are you still here after all these years?"

"Good question. No idea. But didn’t you try to jump of this ship? What made you stop?"

James, unsure how to put it in words, looked at Ruth.

She felt uncomfortable.

Emmet grinned; "Well, well, well. Miss Stevens, you didn’t tell us you were a hero."

Ruth pulled herself away from James; "This conversation is boring."

She wandered off to both Kayser and Emmet's laughter.

Kayser recovered first; "How’d she save you James?"

James was worried about her; "She took my shirt and asked if I was alright. Then I saw her and I – I don’t know."

"She looks like she's been through hell," Emmet responded; "that’s why you stopped what you were about to do."

"If she hadn’t have grabbed me, I wouldn’t have seen her."

"She did you no favors my Lord."

James glared at him.

Kayser sighed; "Oh, why am I friends with an idiot?"

Annie Ban boasted about getting Tony to "beat the haughtiness out of the Lord's son".

Her brother wasn't having it; "Bess has more haughtiness in her than that young man."

Bess tried to respond; "I wish I could say the same thing."

"Did I say you could talk?" Annie growled.

Bess went back to making her Mistress's and Sarah's bed.

"And Sarah is standing there, begging for Tony to not hurt him. I almost asked Tony to use it on her. Bess here had to shut up Ruth but she couldn't keep my Sarah quiet."

Bess and Jonathan let Annie rant and rant until she declared she needed a drink and finding no bottles, sulked and went back to the Galley to find some.

Seller and Bess were now alone.

"One order I give to that girl is that she needs to fetch me when she gets like that. Did you forget?"

"No." Bess felt no authority over her when talking to her Mistress's brother; "My main concern was that Tony didn't need to beat two people."

"It would have been better for the girl."

The colour on Bess's face disappeared; "Jonathan, you didn't....."

"I warned you that if she doesn't follow my orders, she will be punished. She's lucky my arm went."

"You know how I feel about that Jonathan. And I know I am a slave and have no choice but to let you do what you do - but haven't you done enough? You took that girl from her family, you were the one who brought her on - and then you beat her, humiliate her, I see you everyday in that Galley mocking her very existence and then act surprised when she retaliates. Ruth is a young woman but she still thinks like a child. Nothing we do is going to change that and we must show some kindness."

"What exactly have you done to show kindness?" Jonathan asked with a frown; "These last few weeks, I've seen you do nothing but scold her."

"She didn't speak for three weeks and you found her on the ledge and she's now - she forgets her life is never safe here and it frightens me."

"Scolding her won't stop it."

"Neither will a beating or your cruel words."

Seller felt the rage build in him.

"If you truly wish us all to be friends again, you must make an honest effort to stop what you're doing to her."

Annie came back and both Bess and Jonathan pretended that nothing had happened. 

Adam found Ruth entering the Cargo Hold and rushed up behind her. He playfully struck her back but as Ruth held back a a gasp of pain, she saw the young face was serious.

She sighed; " I can’t get a moment alone......"

"I’m sorry, there’s a question that’s been bothering me for some time."

Ruth was a little startled; "And you're asking me?"

"You tell the truth. The others will just sugarcoat everything. I want the truth."

"Is Tony going to murder me if he hears about this?"

Adam was impatient; "Please."

She listened.

"Is my father a murderer?"

"No." Was the quick response.

Adam breathed out; "You sure?"

"Yes I’m sure."

"Mr Fairley – I heard him mention about a friend of his that was flogged to death by my father."

"Andrews?"

"Yes."

"Think of it this way. You’re father was ordered to do it by Captain Hood. Therefore, the man how gives the order is the murderer. If Tony didn’t do it, he’d be the one facing the lash. And you’d have no father. Tony wouldn’t risk his life knowing that."

"It’s just that we barely see each other - you're always here, you know him better than me."

"That doesn’t mean there’s little love. You’re his son. Every day while you were at home with your mother, he was thinking about you. To be honest, you being here has been the best thing for him. Maybe you ought to spend more time with him then with me. I don't he approves that we're friends anyway."

"I like being around you. You’re a pain in the backside but I like you."

"Fine. Get lost."

Adam respected her desire to be alone.

By the time James and Sarah came down, still looking for her, they found her asleep on the ground with her drawings all around her.

Tony offered his apologies and complimented James's toughness. Then he gently woke Ruth and told her she needed to bathe.

"I don't think I can." She answered.

"I know what happened." He said firmly; "Come with me."

As he had done from when she was seven, he took her to his very own tiny office that only had one chair and a bathing tub. He had already warmed the water and he locked the door so no man could sneak a peak at the young girl's womanly body.

He looked at her back and kept his thoughts to himself; "Wash properly."

Ruth struggled a little with the pain; "Adam...?"

"He had his yesterday."

"He asked me about Andrews."

Tony didn't want to remember; "Why?"

"He asked if you were a murderer."

"And what did you say?"

Ruth told him.

"And did he accept that reasoning?"

"I think so."

"Good girl." Tony gave her a reassuring smile; "I've been telling him to treat you kinder. He forgets you both didn't have the same childhood. Yes his skin brings drawbacks but at least he has a family. You only have yourself, and few faces you can call friends."

"He's been no problem." Ruth was finished.

"Don't lie to me." Tony scolded but gently. He was the one person who knew how to scold Ruth without bringing what little self confidence she seemed to have down; "There's supposed to be another storm. I want you to stay here. I've snuck two sheets here and I want you to lock the door."

"You and Adam?"

"This room is too small for the three of us - four if I could even get James in here. We'll go back to the Cargo Hold as usual."

"Thank you Tony." Ruth was grateful.

Tony's "office" was safe and she slept better than she expected and to her relief, she was too tired from the days drama to dream.


	17. Three Months

_February, March and April. Three months have passed. March the 2nd, the American lot pass this act to “prohibit the importation of slaves into any port or place.” It’s a law with big words for someone who speaks English as they’re second language – even a really good one like my child. It’s not going to be in effect until next year._

_ March 25, Slave Trade is abolished. But Slavery isn't. _

_It's April now. The French and British are still at war._

_And my child has been on this ship ten years, 2 months and 11 days._

"Three months. Three fucking months."

Sarah gasped at James.

Ruth, who was drawing nearby giggled; "On this day, James Coleman swore."

James quickly apologized; "I'm sorry, I'm just-"

"No don’t be sorry. That was funny. Do it again!"

"Don't encourage him." Sarah said, though she seemed amused, if a little; "James don't laugh at her."

"She’s scolding you like she’s your girlfriend."

James's grin faded; "Alright. That's enough. What's got you excited?"

"I haven't had much sleep." Ruth confessed, not answering the question.

Adam appeared from the door of the Cargo Hold; "Ruth! Joel fixed the chessboard!"

Ruth's face glowed; "You know I'll win right?"

"How about you try to beat me with just one knight and one king?"

"You're going to die."

The younger slaves raced off. James and Sarah could hear them laughing.

She sighed; "Why do you encourage her?"

"What did I do?" James was confused.

"You always laugh at her antics. It only encourages her to act the fool."

"I don't mind it."

"She’s seventeen James; she’s not a little girl anymore."

"She hasn’t really had a chance to be a grownup has she? I prefer it when she’s like this to silently drawing and drawing in silence for hours. She’s still in her shell-"

"Can we talk about anything other than that girl?"

James wanted to point out she brought Ruth up but shrugged; "What do you want to talk about?"

"Anything but her for a while. Not because I’m sick of it – she doesn’t like it either."

There was a silence between them.

James rubbed his head; "Can I ask you something?"

She looked at him.

"Are you a pirate? I mean, do they call you that?"

"Hood calls me a “guest”. Catherine. My mother and I are “guests,” Bess and Adam are “house slaves” to us."

"And Tony’s wife is at your home?"

"Tara. She looks after my Grandmother and before that, Hood’s wife. She's a lovely person but she doesn't take nonsense from my mother. I think she's the only one who can argue without getting hurt."

"How come you call yourself Hudson yet your mother is called Ban?"

"Because she’s not really my mother."

James didn't know what to day to that.

"Yes, I’m sure you find that terrible." Sarah sighed sadly.

"No. No I just assumed that was her maiden name."

"Hudson was my father’s slave and he used to do – really horrible things to her. One of the least terrible- getting her pregnant with me. It was Uncle Jonathan who saved my life. He said my father was ready to kill us both to stop – the woman I have to call my mother – finding out. Tony, Joel and Bess looked after Hudson while she was giving birth and Uncle and the Captain himself guarded the door as my Grandmother calmed both my father and Annette Ban down. Unfortunately, Hudson died the very night I was born. But at least I wasn’t killed straight away."

"Does Mrs Ban regret letting you live?"

"What a question Mr Coleman. I don’t know. She loved my father dearly and it shocked her to know what he did. I only call her my mother out of habit, not out of love. You see the way she treats Adam and talks to Ruth – always insulting Adam’s color and Ruth’s background." She openly sighed, "See, there we go, talking about her again."

There was a pause again.

"About Ruth....." Sarah's voice trembled; "I get.... concerned about her. The very first time I met Ruth was..... She was eleven so I must have been thirteen. Adam was six or seven and we both stayed for four to five months. Both our mothers said we needed to see what our father’s did for us. Uncle spoke to us before we even came onboard – he was very good to me and Adam – and he said; “There’s a little girl on-board and she’s very sweet but shy. I want you to talk to her and try to befriend her but don’t lash out or bully her alright?” Adam mentioned Tony had said something about her and he said; "Good. He has to look after her when he’s not working. Just don’t be alarmed or worried if she doesn’t talk to you alright?”"

"He sounds almost kind". James couldn't help but snark, remembering his first encounter of Seller's ill-treatment towards his slave.

"So we came on-board and she’s hiding behind Tony’s legs. She clung to him so we couldn’t see her face. Bess had to pull her away so we could see her. She was curious to see children again but she still couldn’t physically talk – you could see her mouth shaking when I spoke to her. She had such a sweet face but large unblinking yet bright eyes. I took my uncle’s advice and spoke and tried to show interest in her..... Well interests."

"When did she finally speak to you or Adam?"

"Not for a good fortnight. Then one day she gave me a drawing that she’d done of me and said: “you’re hairs really pretty but I don’t have the color. Do you want to play chess?” Then Adam got involved and they both sat and played chess. She won. Then....."

"You saw something?" 

"Unbeknownst to anyone, she was…. She became addicted to drink."

James was shocked; "At eleven?"

"She liked sticking her tongue through to top and taste it gently. She never – you know – drank the whole thing in one go. But she did it more and more. She was never drunk but it brought out a bit of aggression – not towards anyone but towards anything from chairs to broomsticks. Even her drawings were ripped apart in sudden bouts of rage. Tony and Bess were beside themselves when they found out. I’d never seen Bess look so worried and both she and Tony severely scolded her for it. Tony even dragged her into his office and I heard the cane swish three time. It worked for a while, she stopped just so she wouldn’t feel any shame – she was always that sort of person. Still she craved drink and one day, my father left out this jug and in front of everyone, she took it and it was half empty in seconds. My uncle – as she was his slave – was the one who had to deal with it. I thought he would scold her too and he did but...... When he asked her why she was doing it she said; “I’m just trying to forget.” My uncle’s face went pale. So pale I thought he would pass out. And she just stood there and drank again, not even looking at him. Then he grabbed the jug, threw it across the room and – and took the broomstick from Adam and he beat her with it. He hit her so hard that after just six or seven blows she was just lying there. I started to cry uncontrollably and that stopped my uncle. Adam was standing right next to me, fearful for his life and my uncle – he told me that Ruth was a strong girl and she’d be fine. Then he took her in his arms and walked out. Father just laughed and mother ordered Adam to clean up. I’d never been so ashamed of my family. I didn’t see Ruth again for four days and the first thing she did was apologize for upsetting me. She heard my tears before she closed her eyes. I had to hold her and start sobbing again. Poor kid wasn’t sure what to do – probably hadn’t been held since her own mother did it."

James didn't know how to respond to that story.

"I only came back about three weeks before you came so I’ve spent a few years away from this place. Ruth only had Tony, Bess and Travesty watching over her and them three are so busy that she’s really grown up alone. Tony’s been the only one who’s spent all those years with her and he’s been good – when he has the time. He doesn’t know much about young women though. He treats her like she’s younger then she really is. So I understand why she’s like a child but I think we need to get her to realize that she’s not that anymore."

"I’d rather she was happy."

"She’s got too much on her mind to be happy."

"Then maybe we should talk to her. Talk about her past?"

"Bess told me never to do that."

"Does she even know what's best for Ruth?" James frowned. "Perhaps Tony knows better?"

"She has Ruth’s trust; I don’t think she wants to lose that."

"But has she opened up to Bess? I know Ruth respects her, but she never talks to Bess about anything personal."

"I don't know what they're relationship is really like James, I only know so much."

"I want to help her." James was firm; "If there's anyway I can, let me know."

Sarah nodded eagerly.


	18. Maps

The dramatics of the day left Marston and Lesley to open their now shared room and offer drinks. Fairly and Dr Roberts joined them and Sarah was invited down by Lesley who she had grown close to.

"It doesn’t seem real." Lesley told the group, "Chris was such a quiet, boring man. Why did he want to kill the minster?"

"How's Joel?" Fairly asked the doctor.

"He's fine. Shaken a little but he’s fine. Bess is with him so I left them alone. Tony said he has someone else under lock and key."

"Seth." Marston spoke up.

"Mr Janero? Why?"

"He knew about it. He is not to be killed with the other two - Hood said he’d think of something special for him."

"Joel's going to be so upset." Sarah said. Travesty and Janero shared many conversations.

Marston suddenly heard a noise from under his table.

"Lesley, did you check the tables before we opened the doors."

"Yes" his girlfriend answered; "And yes, she's under there."

Marston got up, lifted the silk, saw his target and kicked as hard as he could. 

Sarah rushed over; "Mr Marston! She's not an animal!"

"Debatable." Fairly muttered.

"She can hear us." Marston complained.

Lesley pulled Ruth away from him; "And so what? We have nothing to hide."

Marston grabbed a drawing Ruth had been drawing; "Why do you work on this shit?" Ruth tried to take it but he held it out of her reach; "it’s nothing but lines."

"Isaac, give it back" Lesley told him.

Marston showed it to Fairly, taunting the young slave, while Fairly did his best not to get involved by focusing on a box....

Ruth saw it; "That’s the Captain’s money box."

Fairly glared at her; "What?"

"That’s his box. My master said it was missing."

Fairly's friends stared at him in shock.

Fairly did not like being caught; "And you were blamed?"

"No."

"You're an awful liar."

Sarah put her hand on Ruth's shoulder; "We’ll put it back won’t we Mr Fairly?"

Fairly looked frighted.

"Say it was in West's room" Doctor Roberts suggested.

"You’re blaming it on a man who’s going to get killed?" Ruth was confused and startled.

"Don't read into it." Lesley tried to reassure you.

"It has to be done." Marston said, and seeing Ruth's clear uneasiness, lost his temper; "Do you want someone else to die? Over this stupid thing? Think for God’s sake!"

"Don't yell at her!" Lesley yelled back; "Look at her Isaac, she’s a dud. She doesn’t know any better."

"Don't call me that."

Ruth's tone made the room silent.

Sarah tried to scold her; "She's just trying to-"

"You don’t call me that because I’m not."

Marston growled; "If you want to start on my girl, you can start on me -"

"I simply asked the woman not to call me something which I’m not."

"Both of you! That's enough!" Sarah's voice rose.

A silence descended.

"Can I have my drawing back?" Ruth asked.

Marston crumbled the drawing and threw it at her feet; "You are a dud. Seller should have realized that the moment he took you."

"And you kick like an old woman."

Lesley picked up the drawing and offered it to Ruth but she ignored the gesture.

Lesley cursed at her boyfriend. He wasn't himself when drink was in him.

"Ruth?" Dr Roberts decided to change the subject quickly; "Are the slaves going to see Mr West and-""

"Yes sir."

"Including you and Adam."

"Yes."

"Surely they can make an exception?" Lesley was appalled.

Ruth finally took her drawing; "I wouldn't risk it."

"Sarah, go and talk to Bess about this."

"I'll do it" Marston got up; "Let me know when that thing is out of my room."

"_Our_ room." Lesley yelled back as he left. She then turned to Ruth; "There’s paper in my drawers right there. Take as much as you want. I can’t apologize enough."

Sarah had her arms folded; "Ruth. Say you're sorry as well."

"Why?" Ruth responded.

"Leave it." Lesley spoke up; "Ruth didn't do anything."

"Is he alright?" Ruth asked about Marston. His behavior was odd to her.

"Don't worry about him," Fairly said; "Christopher was a good friend to him. First Ida now Christopher."

"I didn't know." Ruth responded.

"We know. No one did." Lesley assured her.

Ruth suddenly dropped her drawing as her eyes wondered to the maps on the walls.

"Can you read them?" Roberts shared the others surprise. Although an ally, Bess, Travesty and Tony hadn't told him Ruth could read at all.

"My Father and I once left our town for a fortnight. He taught me how to read the map we were using." Ruth said.

Sarah wanted to ask more but knew it was not the right time.

"I remember the first time I saw one of those. I instantly wanted to see the world. I went to France, Ireland, Africa – Africa was a great adventure. But now I’m stuck here." Fairly said, with some bitterness.

"I wanted to be like my brothers. They were all pirates so I joined as soon as I left the house. Do you know I was to be married?" Lesley asked.

"You left him?" Sarah questioned.

"The man wasn’t my choice. And I’m not some cattle controlled by men."

Roberts convinced Fairly to give the money box back to the Captain with all coin back in. All they had to do was lie and nothing would be done to Fairly for his stupidity.

"The cheek of it. Leaving everything a mess for me to clean up!" Lesley joked. Sarah offered to help.

But Ruth was still caught up with the maps and the last conversation; "Controlled by men? I don’t understand what you mean."

"Didn’t the women in your hometown have to marry by their parent’s choice?"

_She feels her heart racing._

_These two ladies are kind and have stood up for her._

_But she's not yet ready._

_Ten years Ruthie. What is taking so long for you to let go of your grief?_

"Some." Ruth answered.

"Some but not all?"

"My parents..... My father was a farmer and he also helped my mother’s parents on their farm. They fell in love. My Grandparents weren’t happy at first but they let them marry eventually."

"Where I came from, all marriages were planned by the parents. I didn’t want to marry. I wanted adventure. As a girl – maybe your age – I wanted to go and study maps and countries. Father said I couldn’t. Said it was men’s work."

"“Men’s work!” I’ve seen women read and give sermons in the street. We can do anything." Sarah declared.

"Say it again!"

"We can do anything!"

"If we can, then why does the world pretend we can’t?" Ruth asked, picking up her drawing and putting it in her bag.

"We live in a strange world." Sarah answered.

"That's not a very good answer."

Lesley had to smile; "You’re a deep thinker aren’t you Ruth?"

"I don't know."

Sarah waited until Lesley left to throw out glasses and cleared her throat; "Listen, when you see Bess, just do what she says alright?"

Ruth felt fear; "She won't let me see it happen. This is just going to cause more bother then its worth!"

"You caused enough today."

"She'll get herself hurt!"

"Don’t argue! Stop with the constant needless back-chat and just do what we say."

Ruth felt defeated.


	19. Attempted Assassination

"Ah – so you’re both still alive."

Emmet and Kayser were greeted to Travesty's dry wit as they entered the "chapel".

"We have to keep these names." Kayser informed him

"For goodness sake."

"I know. At least the name they gave me sounds like I’m some gunslinger. I like it."

"Mine sounds like I'm some bloody farmer." Emmet didn't share his friends optimism.

"Your own name isn’t that exciting either. I thought you African’s liked to give your children spiritual names – what kind of a name is Kobina?"

"Frog."

A female slave - known as Fran - entered and muttered a "Hello" to Travesty before kneeling at the sign of the cross.

Travesty noticed Emmet was frowning at her. He silently asked what was wrong with his eyebrows. Emmet quietly walked around so Travesty was hidden from Fran's view if she were to look around.

"So what did he say? Hood?" Travesty tried to be calm.

"I’ve been handed over to Fairly." Emmet replied, his eyes on Fran.

"Oh, Goliath himself?"

"And I’m going to be with Miss Dodds." Kayser replied.

"Lesley wanted a slave?"

"She didn’t. But it was either that or to be thrown into the sea so she agreed."

Travesty shrugged; "She’s a drunk but she’s got a good heart, our Lesley. I hope she goes easy on you. Not what you’re thinking you two."

Emmet took his eyes of Fran for a second; "Fairly’s decent. Anything’s better after Wade."

Kayser suddenly turned white.

Emmet turned around just in time to grab the gun from Fran's hands as she tried to get round him.

The gun fired.

Travesty stood helplessly.

"Get Lesley!" Emmet cried as he pulled Fran to the ground; "What the hell are you doing?"

Fran fought back but it was no use.

"Seller! Quartermaster!"

Seller heard Lesley Dodd's cries and came running; "What happened?"

"Fran just went into the minister’s room and tried to shoot him! I heard the gun shot and Kayser told me what had happened. Emmet's got her!"

"Is anyone hurt?"

"No sir – She had this piece of paper on her. I haven’t read it – please say it isn’t Isaac!"

Marston himself appeared; "Seller sir, Fran’s in my room – restrained."

Seller trusted the pirate; "Good man. Look at this."

He gave him the paper.

"Oh." Marston looked shocked.

Seller was grim; "Take Fairley, Roberts and few others to take Mr West and restrain him by all means."

Lesley was surprised; "Christopher? What the hell is going on here?"

"Good question."

Everyone froze.

Captain Richard Hood looked at each person. His two members of crew and his Quartermaster. 

Jonathan was sure he would never get used to the glint in the man's eyes as he involuntary shivered. Not many things made Jonathan Seller afraid. Captain Hood did.

"Why the is everyone running around with ashen faces and whimpering like children?" Hood asked him, his voice husky from years of drinking and approaching middle age.

"Our minister was almost killed sir." Seller tried to keep his voice above a whisper. He could not look weak in front of members of the crew; "It seems a slave was acting under orders from a man in the crew - Christopher West."

"An act of murder - even attempted and failed - against a priest or minister is a grave offence." Hood was grim; "Have you ordered the arrest?"

"He has." Marston replied.

"Why are you standing there man?" Hood suddenly yelled; "Get to it!" Marston bolted; "And you Dodd's. Unless you want to spend a night with me, go and find my own slave and tell him the news."

Seller was now alone with the man who had brought him onto the ship in the first place. Promised him a better life for him, his mother and sister.

Seller didn't forget it was all a lie.

But what could he do now?

"Good man." Hood was pleased; "I will think of an appropriate punishment."

"Yes sir."

"And Seller. I need to talk to you alone in my office."

Jonathan dreaded what it could be.


	20. Money Box

Poor Tony struggled to keep the slaves in order as those who could make it gathered in the Cargo Hold; "Everyone! Everyone! I know your well aware of what’s happened and I now have the news."

He saw Ruth was leaving; "Ruth! This is a meeting that concerns all the slaves."

Ruth was unsure; "I have to be at Mr Seller's."

"He can wait."

Ruth silently cursed.

Adam held onto James who was confused at what was going on.

Tony spoke up as some order was restored; "As most of you know, Fran was ordered by West to murder Mr Travesty. She won’t say why he asked her or why she followed the orders of a pirate who was not her master. Hood has ordered their execution tomorrow morning and has decided that we will take charge of both."

"He wants us to kill a friend?" A slave shouted in disgust.

"Please! I told him I could not choose any of you – I know each and every one of you were good friends with Miss Wright-"

The door was slammed open.

A real hush fell in the room.

Seller looked around until he saw his slave; "You!" He marched up; "You are supposed to be in my room!"

Tony rushed down; "Mr Seller, it's my fault, we’re having a meeting."

"And so what? I know what you’re going to discuss. Quite frankly that stupid woman is getting what she deserves."

"Because she said no to you once?"

Ruth's question was a mumble but everyone heard it.

Seller grabbed his slave by the neck and pressed her against him, suffocating her; "You have to -"

"Jonathan!"

Seller noticed Bess running forward and quickly released Ruth. Bess stopped her from collapsing and told her to breath deeply.

James felt disgust.

"Look – only one slave comes forward to try and save another. Don’t try and act like some – like you’re in solidarity. In mourning. You only care for yourselves." He looked at James; "You just stood there too. Maybe you've learned not to bother yourself with this one?"

James felt more disgust. This time for himself.

"If this is the type of people who are supposed to be on this girl’s side, then I’ll lock her in my own room at night."

"Can I go now?" Ruth recovered.

All it took was a growl and a rush at her for Ruth to quickly make her escape.

Tony was worried for her but he knew he couldn't do anything; "What about West sir?"

"West is going to hang from the rafters. Along with Miss Wright. Fairley’s going to do West. You need to elect a slave to handle Fran."

Tony looked at Emmet.

Emmet nodded.

He knew what to do.

"All of you have to be there?" Seller now asked.

"By orders." Tony confirmed.

"Even your son and my slave?"

"Yes sir." Tony was far from happy.

Seller groaned; "I HATE this!"

Emmet waited until Seller was gone; "I won't let her suffer gentlemen."

"Good man." Bess gave him a pat, "thank you - you and Kayser - for saving Joel."

"He's in his room. You should see him."

"I will. Thank you again."

Ruth was waiting inside his room when Seller turned up and slammed the door.

"The cheek of it."

Ruth's attitude was gone so she said nothing.

"I’ve had to fight for you today. Did no one tell you? Hood wanted you brought before him today. Someone stole the money box from his office and he pointed the finger at you."

He saw the confusion.

"Your thoughts?"

"That’s very stupid of him."

Ruth was blunt even when on edge.

"You didn’t hear this from me – I agree with you." Seller nodded; "Stupid."

"What am I supposed to do with money here?" Ruth asked.

"Exactly."

"How did you tell him so and live?"

"Well first, I pointed out that you had a strong alibi – you’d just seen Wade getting shot around the time. I was there."

"I don’t gamble either. Tony told me never to do it."

"And you don't disobey him do you?"

"Did he believe you?"

"He said “I’ll take your word for it but I’ll keep my eyes on her.” I’m telling you this because I know about your habit of taking things that don’t belong to you. Mainly paper or food. If you’re going to continue placing yourself at risk, you better keep your eyes open and your mind clear. Your eyes are always alert but your mind has its own light. You need to make sure it’s always on."

"I appreciate your rare moment of care for me Mr Seller."

This. Girl.

Seller glared; "You think this is a joke?"

"No – but your Captain is. Surely we can both agree on that?"

"As his Quartermaster-"

"Now you’re the one treating this like a joke. You’re not scared of the man are you? I’m not. He’s more scared of me than I am of him."

Seller knew he couldn't hide his feelings; "You noticed?"

"He won’t look at me even when he’s talking directly at me. Mr Travesty said that people who do that are afraid or shy. You can’t be Captain if you’re shy can you?"

"If he is shy, he’s done well for himself for the past fifteen years."

Sometimes, just sometimes, he and his slave were on the same thought. It made Seller feel some security.

"Do I have to go?"

He blinked; "Go where?"

"I don't want to see it."

He knew what she meant.

His bad mood returned; "You know you do."

"_Rach-_"

"Don’t start swearing in your foreign language."

She finally glared; "Gaelic is British".

"Don't make me laugh."

"It is!"

"It is not!"

"It is!"

"It is a language for people in the wild. Very much like you Scots."

"You insult me."

"Oh really?"

"You’re piano playing is terrible and I should steal your music just so you can’t play that rubbish."

Seller felt his blood boil; "Hayden and Bach!"

Ruth was quietly enjoying herself; "Who the hell are they?"

"The greatest composers that have been born! They’re music – you’ve heard me play their music every day! Look at this! Works of two geniuses!"

He saw the mischief in her eyes.

"Making a fool of me?" He now tried to intimidate her.

"You made a fool of yourself in front of the other slaves."

"Look. Will you – for the love of God and for your own sake - keep your eyes open for anyone watching you? It would upset a lot of people if Hood found some reason to hurt you."

Ruth shook her head in disbelief; "Why do you want to protect me if you hate me so much?"

"I promised a lot of people that I would do my best to keep you safe - Bess, Tony, your mother-"

"Don't speak of her."

Her voice had got dangerous.

He now grinned; "Ruthie, you know it's rude to speak to me like that."

Her glare sharpened and she marched out.

"One of these days, I’ll throw you over board myself!" He yelled as she slammed the door.

He smiled to himself. He had won that one.

Then he frowned. What had he even won?

He went back to his piano.


	21. Lesley's Room

Ruth ran past several pirates who laughed and tried to trip her up. She heard them shout after her if Seller was after her or wanted her in bed.

She navigated herself around the ship until she reached Lesley Dodd's

No one was there.

Good.

She ran underneath his table and held herself tight.

To her dismay, she felt two tears escape her eyes so she quickly wiped them dry and tried to settle her breath.

She hated that man.

And she hated that she had shown he had got to her.

Still trying to calm herself, she peaked out and saw Lesley had left some paper on the ground.

She grabbed them and went back underneath, feeling much better. And began to draw.

She was already half way through her first paper when she heard the door open.

She heard Sarah, tense and frightened asking how Christopher West could be caught up in this new scandal. She heard Lesley say she couldn't believe it. Marston asked for a drink, he sat at the table and she saw his feet while Fairly and Dr Roberts stood around, somber and in grief.

Ruth was a little surprised by all this. As far as she was aware, no one had liked West.

West kept to himself and while Wade was still alive, he occasionally drank with the man, leaving stains from his drink (and other things) for her to clean. And West was notorious for telling the women - both pirates and slaves - that they would do well as "ladies of the night". Actually, he said something a lot more vulgar. Ruth got a clip around the ear when she asked Bess what he meant. Tony had to explain to her what he meant.

Sometimes, Ruth was glad that there was language barrier even if she could understand most of what people said. Some of what the men in particular said was awful. She was glad that, when younger, she couldn't always translate what was being said. Now older and her English stronger, she wished sometimes she was ignorant of what was said.

"How is Joel?" she heard Fairly ask.

Roberts spoke; "He's fine. He’s fine. Shaken a little but he’s fine. Bess is with him so I left them alone. Tony said he has someone else under lock and key."

Oh no.

"Who?"

"Janero."

Seth Janero.

Ruth blinked at that. Seth was one of the nicest pirates on board. Even nicer than Roberts himself. He always greeted her when they met and warned her if he saw Seller was in a bad mood and he was also very polite to the women.

"What did he do?" Marston was confused.

"West said he knew about it."

Ruth felt herself die inside. West never liked Janero. This was his way of taking his enemy with him.

She almost wanted to see him suffer now.

"Will he hang with them?" Lesley asked.

"Hood said he'd think of something special for him." Roberts now sat opposite Marston.

Ruth wondered if she should move.

"Joel must be so upset." Sarah muttered.

Marston took a long swig. Then he sort of froze and put his bottle down; "Did anyone check the table before they came in?"

Oh no.

She heard Lesley sigh; "Yes. And she's under there."

Marston got up and kicked swiftly.

Ruth saw it coming and escaped before the boot made contact.

Then she felt someone grab from behind and being pulled out of harm's reach.

It was Sarah; "Mr Marston! She’s not an animal!"

Ruth saw the annoyed looks from the men. 

Then she realized her bag was still underneath and tried to go for it but Roberts quickly got up and helped Lesley and Sarah to hold her back.

Marston was drunk. And when drunk, he was dangerous.

He picked up her bag and emptied her drawings on the table; "What do you think Fairly?"

Fairly did not want to get involved; "She's good at what she does."

He was holding a box.

Ruth recognized it; "That’s the Captain’s money box."

Sarah hushed her.

Fairly glared at her; "What did you say?"

"That’s his box. My master said it was missing."

She wondered why she was still being held.

"And you were blamed?" Fairly asked her.

"No."

"You're an awful liar."

Ruth heard a ripping sound.

Sarah let go and went up to Marston; "Stop it."

Marston sniffed; "What's the point in these Stevens?"

"She doesn't need to answer you, just stop it."

He slammed the paper on the table.

Lesley held Ruth back as she tried to move; "Not right now child."

Roberts let go and went to Fairly; "Put it in West's room. They're do a last search before the hangings."

Ruth felt ill; "You’re blaming it on a man who’s going to get killed?"

"Don't read into it." Lesley told her gently.

"Do you want someone else to die? Over this stupid thing? Think for God’s sake!" Marston yelled at her, not so gently.

Ruth felt herself be let go as Lesley lost her temper and went up to her lover; "Don't yell at her!"

"Get her out of here!"

"She's a dud, she doesn't know any better!"

"No."

Ruth's calm but blunt tone stopped the lover's quarrel. 

"Don't call me that." 

Sarah felt fear; "Ruth, she's only-"

"You don’t call me that because I’m not."

Marston pushed Lesley aside and went up to the girl; "If you want to start on my girl, you can start on me!"

"Isaac!" Roberts and Fairly went to pull him away.

Ruth kept calm; "I simply asked the woman not to call me something which I’m not."

"Let go of me!" Marston yelled at the other men. Lesley and Sarah got between them, protecting the vulnerable Ruth.

He growled and again grabbed the drawing he had already ripped. He crumpled it up and threw it towards the slave girl; "You are a dud. I should have realized that sooner."

"You throw and kick like an old woman." Ruth mumbled.

"Enough." Roberts made Marston sit down.

Ruth went on her knees and inspected the damage.

At least it was one of her worst drawings - something she hadn't even finished.

Still, she felt hurt.

"Ruth?" Roberts now spoke to her; "Are the slaves going to be witnessing Fran's execution?"

"We have to." Ruth didn't want to be reminded.

"Including you and Adam?"

"Surely they can make an exception?" Lesley sounded appalled; "You're both too young to see this!"

Ruth made no comment but she thought that a hanging was a lot less worse than what she'd seen before.....

"Sarah, we must talk to Bess about this."

"I'll do it." Marston got up; "And when she's out of the room, I'll be back."

"You can be a right bastard." Lesley shouted as he left. She turned to Ruth; "There's paper in my drawers right there. Take as much as you want. I can’t apologize enough."

"Ruth."

There was Sarah's "no-nonsense" tone.

"Sat you're sorry as well."

"Why?" Ruth wondered.

"Leave it Sarah. She didn't do anything." Fairly spoke up.

"Is he alright?" Ruth asked about Marston.

"Don't worry about him. Seth and Christopher were good friends of his. First Ida, now them. Once he's sobered up, he'll be fine."

Ruth had stopped listening. Her attention on the large maps on the walls.

"Can you read them?" Roberts was genuinely surprised.

"Some of them." Ruth admitted.

"You've read maps before?" Lesley asked.

"Father and I once left our town for a fortnight. He taught me how to read the map we were using."

"What about big ones like this?"

"Not till I came here. My education wasn't big on geography."

"You're English is very impressive."

"I've not spoken to anyone who knows my language in ten years."

Lesley felt some guilt.

Fairly spoke up; "I remember the first time I saw one of those. I instantly wanted to see the world. I went to France, Ireland, Africa – Africa was a great adventure. But now I’m stuck here."

Lesley nodded; "I wanted to be like my brothers. They were all pirates so I joined as soon as I left the house. Do you know I was to be married? The man wasn’t my choice. And I’m not some cattle controlled by men."

Ruth felt confused.

"We learned that very quickly" Roberts told Lesley but then he turned to Fairly; "We should plant it now while we have the chance."

"Be careful." Sarah warned them both as they left, leaving the women to themselves.

"Controlled by men? I don’t understand what you mean." Ruth confessed.

"You have to explain to her sometimes..... things" Sarah said to Lesley.

Lesley frowned; "Didn’t the women in your hometown have to marry by their parent’s choice?"

"Some." Ruth admitted.

"Some but not all?"

"My parents..... My father helped my mother’s parents on their farm and they fell in love. My Grandparents weren’t happy at first but they let them marry eventually."

"Where I came from, all marriages were planned by the parents. I didn’t want to marry. I wanted adventure. As a girl – maybe your age – I wanted to go and study maps and countries. Father said I couldn’t. Said it was men’s work."

Sarah scoffed; "“Men’s work!” I’ve seen women read and give sermons in the street. We can do anything."

"Say it again Sarah!"

"We can do anything!"

"If we can, then why does the world pretend we can’t?" Ruth asked, understanding a little now.

"We live in a strange world." Sarah responded.

"That’s not a very good answer."

Sarah groaned, both in frustration and in humor.

"You're a deep thinker aren't you Ruth?" Lesley said, it wasn't really a question; " Listen, when you see Bess, just do what she says alright?"

Ruth understood; "She won’t let me see it happen though. This is just going to cause more bother then its worth."

"You caused enough today." Sarah told her; "Stop with the constant needless back-chat and just do what we say."


	22. The Very Stupid Plan

Travesty was still very much in shock when asked to give the last rites to West and his slave Fran.

Fran hadn't wanted to do what she did. Travesty knew that. She begged for his forgiveness. West just glared at him.

And as for poor Seth, he was still in the dark as to why he was in the cells. But he begged Travesty to make sure the “children” wouldn’t get to see his death.

Catherine was to be locked in her room as usual, but she offered her room for the two younger slaves to hide. Tony made sure Adam was there before the new day, but Ruth ignored the commands of Bess. Sarah had already warned the slave woman that Ruth thought the idea was already bad, so Bess knew she was going to have a fight on her hands. She was never ready for Ruth's bluntness. 

The fact Bess approached her in front of about five other slaves and two pirates on the deck also bothered Ruth. Now Bess had put a target on herself by encouraging orders from the Captain to be disobeyed. 

Sometimes, but rarely, Ruth felt like the only intelligent person on board.

They were in the Galley when Bess brought up the plan again:

“You do understand that we don’t want you both seeing this, not because of your ages but because you’ve seen enough?”

“Why isn’t James then hiding? He saw his own father die in a massacre.”

James was also in the room. He did not like his father being brought up, but he also didn’t want to get involved so stayed quiet.

“Because James is new, and they’ll look for an excuse to punish him if he doesn’t do as he’s told.”

“But Adam?”

“Tony can protect him and you.”

“I don’t even need to look-”

“If Seller sees your not looking, you will be forced to anyways.”

“Well then they’ll see I’m not there anyways. This doesn’t need to be a problem.” Ruth then looked at James; “_Carson a tha seo na dhuilgheadas_?”

_“Chan eil fios agam”_

Since he had come onboard, Ruth had been teaching James her language and with little to distract him other than work, he proved a quick learner. Ruth wasn’t a natural teacher, but James enjoyed being around her – she sometimes made him forget the awful situation he was in with her.

And honestly, being able to learn a new language and say how you feel without the person you didn’t like understanding was refreshing and hearing Ruth insult Mrs Ban when she yelled at him was making his days easier.

The others weren’t happy with this. Sarah and Adam felt left out, Bess believed it encouraged disharmony and Travesty warned James that if he ever managed to get home, his family and friends would not like his new talent.

Tony both approved and disproved - one because it meant Ruth could have a small break from English and she was happier. At the same time, Ruth was difficult to understand and the pirates – especially Mrs Ban and Seller – were easily angered when she spoke her mother tongue.

Bess tried again; “There’s more than seeing someone you know die to this decision.”

Ruth also tried again; "This will only make things worse -"

"You stopped talking for three weeks over a dead mutt." Bess argued; "Do you not realize how afraid that made us?"

"“_Tha mi a’ dol a ghlacadh ann am mionaid_ ”.

"What was that?" Bess looked at James.

James had quietly sat there. He hadn't picked sides. On the one hand, he understood that Bess was just trying to protect the girl from such a sight. On the other, Ruth was very much in the right that Bess could be punished, and it might not be worth the risk.

"Well?"

"She said "I'm going to.... snap in a minute?" He looked at Ruth again for clarification.

She smiled; "_Chan eil dona_, not bad."

Bess walked out.

Ruth was very confused; “I don’t understand why this is an issue.”

“Isn’t Bess friends with your Master?”

“Please don’t call him that when there’s no pirates in the room.”

“But isn’t she?”

“She was. Her, Travesty and Tony used to play instruments with Seller and some other pirate that died about a month before I came.”

“What happened?”

“I didn’t care to find out.”

“_Is dòcha gun do thuig iad gur e sociopath a bh ’ann.”_

James was pleased to hear Ruth laugh at that. As interesting as she was to be around, she hardly ever laughed.

But when she was left alone, Ruth’s smile faded. She was very worried. And annoyed because she still strongly felt this situation, she was in could be avoided.

She was on her way to find a table to hide under and draw when Tony took her arm and pulled her into his office.

“Now what?” Ruth was not pleased.

"Bess has reported you to me. Again Miss Stevens."

Tony always used her surname when he disproved.

"Tony, this time it's very stupid."

"I understand your concern, but I ordered her to send you to Miss Hood's room. We don't want you to see it."

"Why didn't you just approach your son in front of everyone then? Why is she risking herself?"

"She insisted. You know how hard it is to argue with Bess."

"Am I supposed to listen to that woman?"

"Yes." Tony was firm.

"She doesn't know me."

"Yes, she does. And yes, she may not have been on this ship for as long as I have, but I trust her judgement."

"She'll get herself hurt."

"She's more than prepared for that."

Ruth was losing her patience; "For Christ sake, don't you know what that man can do?"

Tony gave her a warning look; "Yes."

"No you don't. She's your friend and he will destroy her." Ruth wondered why she was even arguing; "Am I using the right English? What is it no one understands?"

“Enough.” Tony’s voice was firm but quiet; “Once I deal with you, you will remain here until the deed is done.”

“Seller is going to hurt her.” Ruth was now pleading; “We don’t even need to watch, let us be there and not watch-”

“They’ll make you both watches. My son has seen enough. And you – you’ve seen too much.”

“That’s why I’m telling you that Bess will suffer. You won’t get touched, she will -”

He put his fingers to his lips.

Usually when Bess told Tony to “talk” to Ruth, it meant Ruth had done something bad or dangerous. This would result in discipline Tony felt compelled to do as leader of the slaves as well as be an authority figure to the young girl.

But he understood what Ruth was saying. Bess should not have been so open in their plan and she could possibly get hurt.

Ruth knew what Seller could do. She had every right to be concerned for Bess.

Still.

“You will stay in here from now until tomorrow. I will tell the Captain or Seller if they ask that you required discipline and I had other stuff to do.”

“Can I at least have a candle? Your room gets too dark.”

“I don’t have any. You need to get over your fear of the dark. It won’t hurt you.”

“Yes it can.”

“The more you argue, the more from my hand you’re going to get in the morning.”

He left her in darkness.

Ruth felt herself panic. It wasn’t even that dark yet….

She cradled herself and groaned until sleep overtook her.

The prisoners in their cells did the same but sleep did not overcome them, so their cried for mercy and groans could be heard all night long.

\----

Translation of Scot’s Gaelic:

_Carson a tha seo na dhuilgheadas_? – Why is this a problem?

_Chan eil fios agam_ \- I don’t know.

_Is dòcha gun do thuig iad gur e sociopath a bh ’ann_ \- They probably realized he was a sociopath


	23. Behind Closed Doors

The cheers and jeers from the pirates could be heard from below.

Catherine held a frightened Adam in her room and told him to cover his ears.

Ruth just leaned against the wall in Tony's office and rubbed the sweat off her face. It was very hot in there. Tony had locked her in there all night and it was now mid-afternoon. She had tried to unlock the door but couldn't so she removed her shirt and went through his lone cupboard.

Two wine bottles were in there.

She excitedly opened one and drank. It was water, not what she had wanted but she didn't care. Feeling better, she dressed herself and lay on the ground.

On deck, Fran and her master were being led up the rope ladders with the ropes on their necks. The forecastle deck had the Captain, Seller and Travesty looking on while the main deck itself was packed.

Sarah and James looked up to watch only when they saw Seller's watchful eye turn to them.

Seller could see Ruth and Adam weren't there. Tony had a credible excuse for the girl. But he also knew Bess had "pulled some strings".

Did she honestly think she would get away with that?

He was going to talk to his sister about what to do with her rogue slave. After this dismal business.

Fran was already sobbing as Emmet led her up, but uncharacteristicly, he was very gentle and supportive. He told her he wouldn't let her suffer.

The could see and hear West arguing with the pirate who led him and then tied the end of his rope to the wood holding the sheets together.

A wave from Hood himself and Wade was left swinging. From where he was, Emmet could see the man's legs kicking, his arms waving in desperation and hear his gasps for breath. He didn't dare look at the man's face.

He was not going to let poor Fran die that way.

Fran had collected herself. She said a prayer and told Emmet she was ready.

Emmet swiftly took out the knife and slit her throat as she let herself drop.

He was relieved to see she didn't struggle or gasp, meaning her death was quick.

Kayser gave him a quick kiss afterwards when no one was looking, telling him he was proud of his friend. They both felt a rush on their faces as said that.

"Tony."

Tony was surprised when the Captain spoke to him as the excitement died down; "Sir?"

"Fairly found my money box in Seth's room."

"Oh, good."

"Yes it's good. And just so you know, I plan to burn him tomorrow. I will have Jonathan sort it out and you slaves can watch only if you want. Hangings are one thing but burning I find distasteful." He rubbed his beard; "So young Stevens got into trouble?"

"Blatant disrespect for Bess and to myself."

"Well if you haven't already, I propose a few strokes with the cat. My father believed the cane, birch or the belt was a light punishments for my sister. She was a brat in her youth. Make sure Stevens doesn't end up like one."

The cat was of course the cat o' nine tails.

"She only argued back sir, it's not going to be a heavy punishment-"

"Well don't say I didn't warn you. The next time I hear she's in trouble, use it".

Seller ordered Bess to his room later that night. Annette Ban was also in the room. What was talked about no one but they themselves heard, but happened to Bess became public knowledge when she ran back to the Cargo Hold in tears, blood on her dress.

Tony had her sent to Dr Roberts and told Travesty what had happened. Then, he went to release and deal with Ruth.

He felt the heat as he unlocked the door and entered, cursing himself for not ordering water to be brought.

One of his bottles of water he kept lay empty on top.

"Sorry," Ruth told him, standing to attention. "It got a bit too much."

"No, no. It's fine. Are you hungry?"

"I'd rather get this over with before I eat sir."

Tony wondered if he should say something about Bess. 

He was too much in shock for that just yet.

"Are you alright?"

She had noticed his mood.

"Horrible day." He wasn't lying; "But Fran died quickly. Emmet saw to that."

She wasn't keen to hear details; "Ok."

He pulled himself together; "I should warn you that the Captain is very much aware that we are having this meeting. He said if he heard you and I were meeting like this again, it would be the cat. As of now, I'm letting you go."

"He's hurt her hasn't he?"

Ruth wasn't as slow as she seemed.

Tony didn't want to talk; "Just try and get some sleep and act like you've been hurt."

Ruth went to Travesty's room but the door was locked.

Yes. Seller had hurt Bess.

Ruth was too frightened and in shock to say "I told you so."

"How could you?!"

Sarah screamed at her Uncle.

He didn't reply.

His sister did; "What happened between him and Bess has nothing to with you. She agreed."

"Yes but he forced her into it! What if she gets pregnant - she had blood on her dress! Everyone will see that!"

"Do you want to sleep outside? Be silent!"

"No I can't be silent. So I will sleep elsewhere." She glared at her Uncle; "I'd rather not sleep in the same room as that...." She grunted and left.

"If her father were still alive he'd have whipped her back," Mrs Ban turned to her brother; "Why didn't you do it?"

Again he didn't reply.


	24. The Court

Sarah found James up on deck. He was one of the unlucky ones to get rid of the mess the pirates had left during the executions.

Fran and West were still hanging there. Four or five birds had settled near, eyeing the bodies – especially the overweight West - eagerly.

“I’ve just removed myself from my mother’s room. My Uncle’s staying over.”

James blinked; “Because….?”

“He’s done something to Bess.”

“I know.” James felt sick; “I know it’s horrible.”

James remembered his mother’s screams at night. He certainly didn’t miss his father for that.

“And I’m sorry, but I can’t stay in that room with him.”

“Where was Ruth?”

Sarah felt a little irritated he had asked for that girl again;

“Tony had her locked in his office. He told them she was to be punished for something, but I doubt he did anything.”

“But it’s been a hot day-”

“She’s fine.”

“I meant – she didn’t see it?”

“No.”

James felt relief; “Good. But what about you? Where are you going to stay?”

Sarah felt better now he was asking about her well fare; “I’ll probably ask Catherine but at the same time, she’ll ask why, and I don’t want to explain it to her. She’s too young.”

“You’re just nineteen yourself.”

“She’s turning sixteen in a month. If someone does explain how these things goes, it won’t be me.”

Adam suddenly turned up; “Has anyone seen Ruth?”

They both hadn’t.

“If you see her – father told me to say to her that her master is being sent to the Captain tomorrow morning for court. She is not to go to his room.”

“Court?” Sarah was surprised; “So he is being held responsible?”

“I don’t know what happened.” Adam said; “Father said it was bad.”

“It was.” James nodded; “And you don’t need to know.”

“Is Bess alive?”

“Yes, but she’s very upset” said Sarah.

“Perhaps we should find her tomorrow and check on her?” James asked.

Sarah agreed.

Captain Hood was shaving in his Quarters when his daughter appeared; “Father, there’s a group waiting outside.”

“Didn’t I tell you to stay in your room for this morning?”

“Mrs Ban knocked on my door and asked for you.”

He sighed; “Couldn’t you just ignore her?”

“That woman scares me.”

He sighed again; “Fair enough. Just go back to your room.” He put on his blue navy coat he had robbed from a dead high-ranking officer and opened the door.

The room was silent as he went behind his desk, sat down and allowed the door to shut slowly by itself until he spoke; "I’d hoped things would have got easier for us all after near starvation with little raids and yet once we’ve grown fat – this all happens. I’ve lost two men and the slaves have lost one of their own. And now I’ve had gold, drink and other possessions taken from my room."

His Quartermaster tried to speak; "Captain-"

"Seller, don’t bother defending your slave; I don’t want to hear your voice right now. Antony. Carry on."

Tony told himself to not appear to take sides; "This is the woman Captain. All those present, myself – Mr Travesty, Miss Driscoll, Mrs Annette Ban and your Quartermaster Jonathan Seller."

Lesely spoke up; "You’re witnesses are myself – Marston, Fairley and Doctor Roberts who took care of Miss Driscoll."

"Thank you Edward" Hood nodded at the doctor; "Who will speak first?"

Annette Ban raised her hand.

Everyone's stomachs dropped.

"Very well Mrs Ban" Hood said, hoping this would be quick.

Annette Ban was known for her love of attention. No one particularly liked her but she was needed. She was the cook after all.

Mrs Ban dramatically gestured to Seller; "My brother is in love with this woman!"

"Annie no..." Seller could only face palm, "It was a mistake on my part. I shouldn’t have touched Bess, I admit that. I apologize and I’ll accept the consequences."

"Your slave is going to have so much fun when she finds out about this." Travesty - barely hiding his anger - said to the Quartermaster who had hurt his good friend.

"I’m not in the moods for jokes Travesty."

"This is a travesty indeed. Apologies Captain, I’m simply trying not to show my disappointment without strangling this man."

"You can’t even reach."

"Who’s to say I meant your neck?"

"Order please!" Tony shouted them down.

Hood approved; "Thank you Antony. Miss Driscoll, could you explain the attack?"

Bess was having a hard time. She was still very much in shock and just wanted to be left alone; "He pulled me close.... He took me by the throat and said... Said he was going to do these – these horrible things to the younger slaves for missing Miss Wright’s death and.... unless I complied to his demands..... So I undressed and........"

"She was willing to undress Captain!" Mrs Ban yelled.

"Shut up!" Seller angrily told his sister.

Hood opened a bottle, silencing the room.

He took a long drink.

"You're husband's anniversary is soon isn't it Annie?"

"Yes." Mrs Ban acted emotional; "I still have his drawing that I carry with me everywhere."

"Don't do that to me." Marston whispered to Lesley who agreed.

"Well then Joel. It’s just as well Fran was a rotten shot." Hood turned to Travesty; "We need you to prepare a wedding."

Silence.

"You’re serious aren’t you Richard?"

"You bedded a slave Jonathan. What else am I going to order you both to do? I could shoot the woman for allowing herself to get you in this situation but I doubt you’d like that would you? You’ve always punished other men for attacking woman haven’t you? Want them to be respected? If you don’t follow this order, I will strip you from your title and you will face the cat. I’m sure Miss Stevens will enjoy that. So what will it be?"

Seller opened his mouth to say no.

Instead it was; "I’ll wed Miss Driscoll."

All he heard was Bess's pleas and cries before the door slammed behind him. Travesty and Lesley ran after her.

Tony felt sick; "Is there any other way Captain?"

"You heard me." Hood answered; "Annie, I'm sure you will enjoy preparing such a celebration?"

Annie was of course thrilled; "Yes sir! We have enough beer and rum to last months -"

Seller stopped her; "Annie, not now. Not now."

"Indeed." Hood took another drink; "As much as I’m sick to my stomach talking to your brother Mrs Ban – your voice is giving me a headache. Now get out."


	25. The Fallout

Seller returned to his room alone.

Straight away, he noticed the door was unlocked and when he went in, his room hadn’t been swept as his slave had been instructed to do.

And Bess, who had been instructed by his sister to be there – wasn’t there.

He was fine with that.

Tony must have told her to stay away from him for now.

Fair enough. Despite smiling at her – hoping she would notice and be uncomfortable if not curious - he wasn’t sure if he could face that girl, knowing full well…..

His chest had been broken into.

He ran up and opened it.

The bottle of rum he had hid inside was gone.

Had someone…….?

He knew.

Catherine was being very careful not to be seen. The ship was unusually silent which made her feel frightened. She usually heard angry swearing or orders being shouted at this time in the afternoon.

She entered the Galley. The only person in there was Ruth.

Ruth had a bottle of rum in her hand and Catherine saw her drink.

She coughed to get her attention: “Excuse me, I’m looking for Bess.”

Ruth didn’t even look at her.

Catherine tried again; “I came to see if she’s alright.”

“I wouldn’t know.”

“Are… Are you drinking?”

Ruth took the bottle and took a long drink.

“Yes.”

Catherine frowned; “Does Tony know?”

“I hope not.”

The door opened and Sarah and James entered, both surprised to see Catherine was out of her room. And that Ruth was there. With a bottle.

“Kate,” Sarah spoke to her friend; “What are you doing here? Looking for Bess? Tony sent Emmet and Kayser to look for her but no one can find her.”

Catherine felt fear; “Suppose she jumped off the ship?”

“She wouldn’t.” Ruth’s bluntness stopped the room yet again;” She promised me she’d never do that. I asked her once and she said she wouldn’t. I made her promise.” She took another drink, “No-one breaks promises. John said so.”

James was quietly seething, seeing his friend drink. He didn’t even think to ask who John was.

“I’ve been trying to find you for the last two days. Where were you?”

Ruth detected a tone in his voice; “Are you worried or angry?”

He pointed at the bottle; “Are you drinking that?”

“What else am I doing? Don’t look at me like that. Do you give that look in court?”

“Are you trying to bother me?”

“Is it that obvious?”

“Oh no….” Sarah mumbled. James looked at her; “She’s in one of her bad moods….”

Sarah could usually deal with Ruth when she was being difficult. By her nature, Ruth was never really the dominant person. But sometimes she would be in a mood where nothing seemed to bring her down.

Catherine tried to help; “I would listen to James and Sarah; I mean my father – my father when he gets going-”

Ruth lost a little of what patience she had left; “I don’t need your _bheached......_Uh, what’s is it? _Bheached, bheached – _Opinion! I don’t need it.” She took a drink; “_Cha mhòr nach do chaill e an sin e. _God, I hate Mondays._”_

“I don’t want you to get into trouble.”

Sarah tried; “Listen to her.”

“My father hates it when girl’s drink he-”

“Your father is a man who has lost his way in life.”

Ruth said that so matter-of-factly, that the others were stunned.

“Pardon?” Catherine found herself asking.

“He’s lost. He hasn’t a clue what he’s doing, and he’ll find himself in the laws hands.”

Catherine felt tears in her eyes; “He was a privateer when he first started, and I guess – yes you could say he is a criminal-”

“He’s a pirate Miss Hood. His name has been included on a list for the Navy to track down.”

“I know.”

“Ruth, please.” Sarah tried. Her voice was unusually weak. A worried, anxious Sarah was useless against Ruth – especially with a drink nearby.

“I heard it from that Goliath person – Fairly isn’t it? When they are captured, they put them in cells and leave them there in the dark with nothing but stale bread and rats. Then they hang them where the ships lay idle for a small crowd – usually English – and they swing by their necks for hours and hours even when they’re already dead. It’s not painless either. It’s supposed to be for the worst criminals. Like your father.”

Catherine let out a sob; “Please say you don’t mean that!”

Ruth shrugged; “That’s what Fairly said”.

James grabbed Ruth by the arm; “Apologize to her.”

Sarah ran forward; “James no!”

Ruth ignored them both; “Slow strangulation. He dies slowly and in so much pain that he will feel the birds peck at his skin.Then they put him in a cage for those same birds to tear apart his flesh. The body is never buried-”

James hit her.

He froze in shock.

Sarah and Catherine stared at him.

Ruth swayed once and then rushed under the table. They heard her breath deeply as if she was fighting back her panic as she tried to talk normally; “So really, your father is more scared than anyone. You see?”James took a step towards the table but she moved further in; “Is it true?”

Catherine forgot her own tears as she listened to Ruth’s panicked breathing; “I hope not…”

“He’s responsible for a lot of bad things but that does seem rather cruel.”

““Responsible for a lot of bad things?” Are you trying to say you blame my father for your slavery?”

“It’s his fault we’re all here. He started this.”

Catherine gave herself a minute to think.

James wondered why in hell’s name he had struck one of his best friends.

Sarah wondered – not for the first time that day – why the ship was so quiet.

Catherine finally spoke; “I agree. It’s his fault you’ve all lost people you love and it’s his fault that everyone here is going mad.”

“I don’t have any hatred towards you if that’s what’s worrying you. I didn’t know how else to say it I’m – I’m sorry for-” She cowered as James went around the table to get nearer; “_Tha mi duilich”_

Sarah pushed him back; “James. Stop.”

_“Tha mi duilich”_

“I was just-”

“Stop.” She looked at Ruth who was holding her ears, repeating herself; “What is she saying?”

James tried to listen; “She’s saying…. “I’m sorry.””

Catherine bent down to see the slave; “Ruth. It’s alright. There’s no easy way of saying it.” She looked up at James; “You must blame him too?”

James was busy cursing at himself; “I won’t say I like or loath the man but I did not ask for my father to die by his orders.”

“I wish I was home. And I wish I could make it all work out or – make your lives better. But the truth is, my father doesn’t listen to me. I can only apologise for his actions. As his daughter, I do feel a lot of guilt. I know my mother did – God bless her.” Catherine turned to Sarah; “Perhaps we could go and find Bess…” She turned to James again; “and you and...... can talk?”

“You know about Bess?” Sarah questioned.

“I heard it from Tony and my father. Father caught me behind the door so I fled and.....” She turned back to Ruth, “Ruth? I keep forgetting to thank you for what you did the first time we met. I know I was silly and I could have caused something terrible but you taught me a lesson both my parents wanted to shield from me.”

Ruth was in a ball, holding her ears.

“I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to cause this.” Catherine said as she got up.

“You’re not the one who needs to apologise.” Sarah looked at James; “You better dahm well talk to her.”

“What do I do?” James was eager to know.

“Reassure her that you’re still her friend.”

Alone with Ruth, he gave her a minute before he tried out his Scots Gaelic; “_Faodaidh tu tighinn a-mach”. _He saw her face; “I’m not angry, I won’t hit you again.”

To his relief, she obeyed.

Her voice was small and she was cautious; “Is Sarah angry with you? Is it because of me?”

“No. No it’s not you.”

She appeared to relax; “Why do you look so shocked? Have you ever struck a girl before?”

“I’m sorry about that.”

“Have you though?”

He felt a little embarrassed; “Over an ice cream. She was a big, older girl and she was always getting into fights. I thought she asked for it.”

“Did she really ask for it?”

“No I..... No. That’s just a saying. She wasn’t slapped enough at home let’s just say.”

Ruth frowned; “Why is it that everyone I meet slaps me in the face?”

“You don’t mean that surely?”

“Well.... well apart from Sarah who prefers to kick me occasionally and Kate there..... Alright, come to think of it, maybe not everyone has struck me; but I believe there’s been enough. My left cheek has had every sharp-small and large-all blow to my face imaginable. No wonder I’m ugly.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t look at me with that worried expression. You hit like baby. I was more – surprised – than hurt but you had to do it. Right? I mean…. I asked for that.”

James tried to smile but couldn’t. He felt awful.

“Is it true?” Ruth’s voice went quiet; “What Fairley said?”

“Yes, it’s true.”

“I’ve been having bad dreams about it since I heard him say – I hoped it was just him...... I don’t know.”

James could heard some fear and shock in her voice; “He is responsible for a lot of murders – indirectly as most of them are.”

“But he’s still flesh and blood just as they were. They can’t just treat him like a beast.”

James frowned; “Yes they can.”

“That’s just murder to me.”

“It’s justice for how he treated his victims and-”

“You can try to justify it James but I’m sorry, I won’t be calling for his blood. He has a daughter. How do you think she’ll feel or if it happens?”

James didn’t know how to answer.

“Your father was murderer too.”

James abruptly turned to her; “Ruth, no.!

She was serious; “You should know how it is. Her father’s a pirate captain with slaves – your father was going to get involved in -”

“Can we stop this now? I don’t want to talk about this!”

He had raised his voice without meaning to.

His friend looked confused.

“What is the matter with you?” He asked. A serious question. He was very worried for his friend.

“Why’s everyone angry with me?”

“I’m… I’m not angry with you, I just….” James didn’t know what to say; “I’m…. worried. No one is telling us anything and I don’t want someone I care about getting hurt.”

She seemed to accept that; “You remember when I said we’d fight, and you didn’t believe me?”

“I’m sorry.”

“You ask stupid questions and apologise a lot. That’s fine, now we both have things that annoy us both.” She sighed; “I hate Monday’s.”

James watched her for a minute as she sat on the table. The heat had got to her.

“Where were all day today? Was Bess with you?”

She didn’t respond.

He frowned; “Where’s Bess, Ruth?”

Ruth hid her wet eyes; “I saw her this morning in Seller’s room. Tony told me not to go but… I was waiting for his orders but he didn’t appear. So I knocked on the door and there she is. She looks like hell and she starts yelling at me to go away. So I do, I go up on deck to help out but everyone tells me to get lost so I come here and Adam yells at me because apparently I was supposed to help him out today but I didn’t know that because Seller wasn’t there to tell me. So, I go back to see what I’m supposed to do now but no one’s in there but his drink chest had it’s key in it. And I needed a drink, so I came here and now I’m drinking. And then you three came and we argued….”

James encouraged her; “Ok.”

“And it’s bloody hot. In Scotland we see the sun sometimes, but we barely feel its warmth. I feel like I’m melting, and this drink is just barely keeping me alive.”

“You really should stop it now. Catherine’s right, you’ll get yourself into more trouble.”

Ruth rubbed her face; “Why do you want to know where Bess is anyway? Why is everyone looking for her?”

“I don’t know if you should hear it.”

“I know something’s wrong.” Ruth was serious; “Seller’s been smiling at me – that usually means he’s gone and killed some kittens and he can’t wait to tell me just to get a reaction. Please tell me. I don’t want to give him that satisfaction.”

James decided against his better judgement; “He bedded Bess. It was after Fran’s execution; he dragged her to his room and tore her clothes and – are you alright? You’ve gone all white.”

Ruth’s face had changed the moment he had said “bedded”; “I’m fine.

“The Captain had them both up for a meeting. Looks like Seller has to marry her now or he’ll lose his position and Bess, well – Seriously, are you alright?”

Ruth hid her face; “So she’s being made to go to his bed now? She has to be in his room every night?”

James wished Sarah was there; “I don’t know the full details. But Bess – she’ll agree to anything if they threaten her.”

“She and Joel like each other. Really like each other I mean.”

James nodded. He felt bad for them both.

“Perhaps I should have a word with Seller.”

James – in his panic – found himself grabbing her arms again; “No! You can’t! You can’t put yourself in more danger!”

“I can fight.”

“The man is dangerous!”

Ruth tried to pull away; “You think I don’t know that?”

“I don’t think you care about your own welfare.”

“That’s very true.”

“Child, be sensible!” James had lost his patience as his fear caught up with him; “We both are away from our families so we have to try to survive so we can see them again. I know it’s been a long time for you, ten years is too long but we have to keep up hope. I think the British Navy will catch up with this ship very soon and we’ll be free. I think about my family at home all the time and I worry what they may do but I hope they cling to their faith that I will come home as I’m sure the people you left behind will no matter how long you’ve been away.”

He was out of breath. He let go and wiped the sweat from his forehead.

Then he turned back and looked at Ruth.

She looked like he had struck her at least five more times.

“What’s wrong?” His voice was weak.

She couldn’t hide her sadness; “Nothing….”

“Mother’s waiting for me. Maybe we’ll be older but I’ll keep myself alive and safe for her. What about you? Don’t you have family waiting for you?”

No response.

“Friends maybe?”

She shrugged; “I don’t know if I had any.” She scratched her head; “There was a lady called Kate Matthews…”

James remembered; “The old woman who lived near you?”

“But she was at least seventy when I left.”

“No one your own age?”

“I didn’t really talk to them. Kate used to invite me in her house or take me away from mother after my father died.”

“Take you away?”

“I think it was to give my mother some space. My brothers used to go and help my uncle on the farm, but I had to stay with her. Sometimes she cried so Kate would come over and take me to her house. Sometimes I spent the night there. Like a… Grandmother I suppose? She’s the one person I knew who never scolded me. Even when I once broke her window after I threw a stone. Actually it was a rock. She just kindly told me not to tell mother but she’d still make sure the back of my legs were nice and red. Christ, her arms felt really soft but her hand was like a hammer. She had eight children you know, she knew how to make you suffer without ever raising her voice.”

James found that tale amusing; “Well, you Scot’s are tough people.”

“We have to be.” Ruth tried to share his smile; “To be honest, she’s the only person I can think of that may have been a friend.”

“You must have been lonely.”

Her face went whiter and her eyes drifted away.

“Ruth?” James tried to get her attention; “Ruth?”

Ruth was remembering a memory she hadn’t thought of for a long time.

\--------

Translation

_Cha mhòr nach do chaill e an sin e_ \- Almost lost it there

_Faodaidh tu tighinn a-mach _– You can come out.


	26. 1797

_I don’t like it when she remembers this day. It was not one of my finest moments._

Ruth was six years old when she found herself alone at her father’s grave. He had been dead a few months – maybe a year? She wasn’t sure. All she knew was that it was cold.

“Ruth! Sweet Lord! What are you doing out here?”

The kind old widower Kate from the nearest house in town ran up to her and took her arms. Ruth still wondered why she acted with such worry when she wasn’t even her child or grandchild. It was nice of her she supposed.

“What are you doing out here on your own?”

“Nothing.” Ruth had answered.

“Does your mother know you’re out here?”

Ruth hadn’t wanted to answer directly; “John does.”

“And he just left you out here? Did you have a falling out?”

“I was looking for the doll.”

It wasn’t a lie.

“Have you lost it around here?”

“There’s only one.”

She remembered the old woman seemed confused.

“Father got it me. It’s the only one.”

She now looked sad; “I’m sure he wouldn’t mind. I knew your father since he was a child. Come here; let me put something warm around you.” She put a long scarf around her neck; “You’re frozen! Your skin is so cold! Look at those clouds, it’ll be snowing soon. You don’t want to get ill too.”

The next thing Ruth knew, she was in Kate’s small but warm house. It was not a traditional croft like her families one – it was stone with a wooden roof.

Kate made her sit by the fire and cooked up some potato soup, guessing correctly the girl was hungry as well as cold.

“Are you warmed up dear?” She then asked, once the soup was delivered and eaten.

Ruth nodded.

“Ruth. Dear. Did John really leave you out here?”

“No.”

“Was it your mother?”

Ruth didn’t want to say.

The old woman sighed heavily; “For God’s sakes. This can’t go on.”

“You’re not supposed to swear.” Ruth lectured.

The old woman held a rosery which she always wore around her neck and mumbled a prayer.

Ruth remembered feeling uncomfortable; “Are you cross with me?”

The prayer stopped; “No darling. I’m a little bit cross with your mother but I’m sure after a little talk, things will get better.”

“She was very cross.”

“Why?”

“I wanted to look for the doll. She told me I was stupid and left.”

The old woman had stared for a minute before the wheels began to turn; “Is the doll really lost?”

“I don’t have it anymore. It’s gone.”

Kate made up her mind; “I think you should stay for the night. Let’s have you on my sons’ bed. He won’t be home till next week.”

““We know who we are, but do not know what we can be”.”

Ruth flinched as she remembered saying that. She was insufferable. No wonder her mother got easily frustrated.

“Quoting this Shake-man again?” Kate always seemed amused if bewildered at the little girl’s behaviour.

“Shakespeare. William Shakespeare. He talks funny.” Ruth had said.

“You gave your Daddy the fright of his life when he caught you reading those books. Then he was showing you off to his friends the next day. Gave them all quite the shock. I wouldn’t know how to say those words see. I’m not clever like you.”

Ruth though the old woman was being hard on herself and felt bad; “Father said he didn’t understand them either.”

“But you did, didn’t you? You should tell Mr Cowie you’ve read about that man.”

Cowie was the local teacher. Ruth was terrified of him then. Now, she wouldn’t have blinked at him.

When Ruth was tucked in, she had to ask; “What are you going to say to mother?”

“Nothing that will get you into any more trouble dear. You’re mother is still very, very sad about your father but I think she forgets that he wasn’t just her husband. You miss him too don’t you?”

“I try not to think about him too much.”

“Because it makes you sad?” Ruth nodded; “She should let you be sad. Otherwise you’re going to suffer for a long time. It’s not what your father would have wanted. She knows that. She should know better.”

Ruth got scared; “Please don’t get mad at her. I just wanted to find my doll.”

“I know. I know”. Kate tried to soothe her.

“What did I do to make her sad?”

No answer.

“Ruthie?”

Ruth’s mind cleared and she was back in 1807.

James looked worried; “Are you alright?”

She tried to smile;

“I just realised how annoying I was as a child.”

“You’re face went white.”

“It does that sometimes. And don’t call me Ruthie.”

“Are you well?” James wanted to be sure.

Ruth finally relented; “My head hurts.”

“Maybe you should sit down?”

Ruth heard footsteps.

She recognised them.

She shook her head; “No. I can hear him coming anyway.”

“Who?”

Ruth’s fingers began to twitch.


	27. The Mad Woman on The Black Lady

** _I spend the minutes I have to myself leaning on the walls around the ship silently condemning myself. Bess doesn’t deserve what has been done to her. Why did I do it? I promised after the last time, it wouldn’t happen. I’d even boasted to my own slave that it would never happen._ **

** _I go into the Galley, hoping not to face Bess._ **

** _Oh._ **

“Where’s Catherine Hood?”

Seller had entered. His face was red and his voice wasn’t its usual self – he didn’t sound so sure of himself. He almost sounded…. Unreal.

“Miss Hudson is taking her back to her room sir.” James said.

Ruth’s fingers were going wild.

Seller went up to her; “You! What’s so special about your fingers this time?”

“I-”

“I don’t want an answer. I want you working. Do something! Get on your knees and scrub this floor, go and sweep the deck-” He grabbed the bottle of rum, grabbed her and poured it over her; “And keep thieves out of my room! My God, how much did you drink from this anyway? Not enough to completely spoil your sense?”

Ruth licked the taste of rum from her fingers; “Speak for yourself.”

“If today wasn’t the happiest I’ve been since forever-”

“This is you being happy? I’d hate to see you when you’re angry.”

James quickly distracted the Quartermaster; “Mr Seller? What good news has brought about this day?”

“Oh I’m to be married.”

James witnessed him looking to his slave – watching for a reaction. Ruth didn’t give him one.

He tried again; “The Captain has blessed us and we will soon be married.”

James tried to get his attention; “With Bess?”

“You caught on quickly there. Hasn’t she told you?”

James quickly thought up a lie; “She said this morning that she was doing something important, but we assumed it was simple duties. And then we heard it was with you though you only have one slave.”

Seller was genuinely surprised, turning back to Ruth; “You didn’t hear from her?”

“No.” She answered. Too quietly.

“Speak up!”

“No sir. I’ve only just now learned it from your mouth.”

“And your thoughts?”

She gave him her full attention; “I don’t have an opinion I wish to share. You don’t need my approval anyway.”

** _She’s not stupid. She knows I’m putting on an act. She’s just humouring me. This is one of many things why I hate this girl. She acts like a lunatic but she’s sharp at the worst times. Look at her. She wants me to squirm. I will make sure she does first._ **

“Very true. Why I asked I don’t know.”

They all turned to the door as Bess – broken and depressed – walked in like a frightened mouse. Adam followed her, concerned at the sight of the usually bright and tough woman he knew. Then he saw Ruth and sheepishly apologised for his behaviour that morning. She just shrugged, her attention on Bess and Seller.

He glared at her; “You’ve been hiding from me?”

“No sir.” She answered quietly.

He sniffed; “Well you haven’t been talking much – so I’ve heard.” He noticed Ruth was watching. He picked up the rum bottle she had taken; “Do you recognise this Bess?”

James saw Ruth wince.

Bess was horrified; “What is this?” She turned to Ruth; “How dare you! Why is that in here?”

James and Adam flinched at Bess’s harsh tone towards their friend.

“She looks like she needed it.” Seller teased; “How long has she been here Bess? Ten years. She’s now seventeen. Do you think she’s learned a lot in life since she came here?”

Ruth turned away to hide her angry eyes.

“If she was, say of Jim’s class – she would still be considered a child, yet her parents would probably marry her off. Isn’t that so Jimmy?”

“Most likely sir. Probably treated the same as she’s treated now by said husband.”

“_A bheil cuimhne agad?” _Ruth mumbled towards him.

“So you’re not so naive.” Seller told James; “But you still know little. Your Grandfather’s paintings and your father’s wealth doesn’t teach young men the ways of the world. Your friend saw enough to learn quickly when she was still the same height as our little priest.” He again tried to antagonize Ruth; “Remember Pitt? Don’t you remember when they hanged McCabe and how he called out to his mother? You’ve been here a long time so you should be telling our new blood what to expect. Give Jim some advice.”

Ruth was doing well to hide her anger for now; “Don’t do anything stupid.”

He chuckled; “Advice you ought to remember from time to time.”

“As should you Mr Seller.”

Silence.

Seller didn’t hide his anger; “You’re a little bitch you know that?”

She nodded.

“Is she like this with the rest of you? Or is it just me?”

“Show some respect girl.”

Bess’s sudden put down took the others by surprise.

Why was she defending Seller and not Ruth?

** _There goes part of the wall she’s built to hide behind. Bess always stood up for her despite her fears but now, she’s in no mood to play along. That one order makes my slave panic. She’s a good actor too but with Ruth, you just need to look at her eyes to read her mind. She does not like change and change is happening now. She hasn’t prepared for it._ **

James decided to get Ruth out of there; “Ruth let’s head out-”

Seller knew what he was up to; “I want my slave to stay here.”

“She’s not well sir.”

Seller swung.

James found himself on the ground.

As he looked up, he could hear Ruth’s frantic breathing.

She was furious but holding back.

He quickly got up and shrugged it off.

Seller spoke to her as James mouthed at her to calm down; “Why was my chest open?”

“You left it open.”

“You should have closed it.”

“No one’s asked me to do anything today-”

“No excuse. Remember Wade? I didn’t kill him just because he attacked me you know. The man had been taken my drink for months.”

Ruth didn’t respond.

“Where’s your backbone today? I thought you liked a good argument.”

No response.

“Had we not met; you’d be alone you know that? Or dead even. Maybe that would have been kinder for you?”

Still no response.

“Well, look on the bright side. You’re alive. And when you’re off this ship, you can go home back to mother.”

James knew the Quartermaster was trying to upset his friend.

And sure enough, he got an angry response; “Had we not met, I would never have discovered how good drink was.”

“You’re not smart, you know that?”

Ruth played an ace; “How’d you get caught bedding a slave in the privacy of your room yet the whole ship finds out? Including Catherine? That must have got Hood riled up. You idiot.”

Bess slammed down the broom, scaring Adam.

Seller was seething; “I’m not done with you yet.”

**Ruth is a bitch. She’s a sweet girl but a bitch.**

**There are times when I want her to forget who I am and there are many times I want to forget who she is. She doesn’t want to forget though. And the way she looks at me sometimes – I know she doesn’t want me to forget either.**

**I’d never thought the person I would hate would be a little girl. Even as she grew, my hate didn’t go away, it just grew with her. Even when she began to fight back – even when she gave me reason to allow me to show my hate – it didn’t go away. What makes this fucking stupid is that I care about her. She’s still a kid at heart; she can barely live without other people to help her, she clearly has little to love for because I took it all away. Does she think I don’t feel responsible for what I did?**

_That’s not a very fair judgement on one of your victims Mr Seller._

** _She is not a victim._ **

_Do you really believe that?_

** _I don’t want to think about it. Leave me be._ **

Seller seemed to zone out but when his niece appeared, he left, muttering that his day was being ruined.

“The hell is wrong with him?” Adam had to ask.

Suddenly Bess rushed at Ruth and roughly scolded her; “You stole from you master? What were you thinking?”

The other three got between them.

Ruth was a lot calmer with Seller out of the room; “Why didn’t you run out? The door can be unlocked from the inside. Why didn’t you escape when you could?”

“I tried!” Bess angrily responded.

“Bess….” Sarah wasn’t used to seeing Bess like this; “What exactly did he do to you?”

“It’s not for your ears, none of you would understand.”

“Miss Driscoll, we want to help you.” James pleaded.

“You could talk to Sarah and James if me and Adam go out of the room.” Ruth offered.

“We’re not going to talk about this so you can both stay here.”

“Then let us confront him!” Sarah declared; “Let us try! We can at least try to reason-”

“Reason?” Adam voiced the other thoughts – that was stupid idea.

What could they do?

“We will not discuss this any further Sarah. You three can get back to work.”

“Miss Hudson’s right, we have to do something. He has you in a trap.” Ruth didn’t want this to be forgotten.

Bess did; “Can’t you take a telling Ruth – don’t you know when to be quiet?”

“He’s deliberately making you scared of him through endless threats that will be resolved with him in bed with a woman, the only way out is to defy him. He wants to hold on to his power but he’s going to lose it anyway – trust me, he’s done enough to anger the Captain. Make him ashamed of himself. The man’s a villain but he can feel shame-”

“You’re talking nonsense. Can’t you see I want to be left alone?”

Bess began to sob.

No one had ever seen this level-headed woman lose it so much. No one knew quite what to do.

“Can’t anyone leave me alone?”

Ruth started shaking.

James went behind her; “It’s alright, it’s alright, you said the right thing.”

She relaxed a little.

Sarah was overwhelmed; “My God this is awful.”

Ruth looked at her; “Catherine can’t try and talk to her father?”

“I doubt he cares what his daughter was to say.”

“I mean…. I could speak to him-”

“No!”

Bess’s hands grabbed Ruth’s shoulders.

Ruth felt like she was being burned and yelped involuntary.

Bess ignored her discomfort; “You will not danger yourself any further! Are you listening to me?” James managed to pull them apart, but Bess kept coming, slapping the girl around the head. “I will be telling Tony about that theft. And the fact that you drank again! Do you have to disappoint us all further? What’s the matter with you? Why are behaving like this?”

“Bess. Stop.” Sarah ordered. Bess turned to her, but Sarah shook her head. She was having none of this. Ruth was frightened. There was a line that had been crossed.

In the tense silence, they heard Ruth struggle with herself through grunts and whimpers. And then it stopped.

Bess shook her head in disgust; “Why do you act like this? Everything can’t be about you-”

Ruth found her voice; “No, you’re right. So don’t use me to make us forget what’s happening to you. It’s not right. You know this – you don’t wish for it.”

“You’re frightened he will kill me?”

The girl grit her teeth; “Yes…..?”

“He’s not the sort of man who kills suddenly.”

Ruth was visibly getting anxious again; “Don’t be stupid.”

James reached for her but to everyone’s surprise, she hit his arm rather aggressively.

She felt a little calm; “How can you say that after what you’ve seen him do?”

“You mean to you?”

Bess’s words were deliberately blunt. In her state, she didn’t really believe Ruth cared for her.

Ruth’s mouth opened a little before she managed to say; “Just tell him alright?”

Her breathing became irregular.

“I’m not promising anything.” Bess told her; “I may not be as harsh as Mrs Ban or Seller, but the next time you behave like this or how you were towards Seller just now – I won’t hesitate to do more than a simple telling off or a well-deserved slap. Do you understand?”

Adam tried to get involved; “Do you want us to say anything?”

His friend was now shaking violently.

“No.” Bess said in frustration. “No means no.”

James put his hand on Ruth’s shoulders and tried to comfort her.

Mrs Ban and Seller entered. The large woman went over and struck both James and Ruth with her right hook; “Wake up! Get to work!”

“Mother!” Sarah protested.

James went to the sink, pulled Ruth close and asked for help at the dishes so she wasn’t on her own. He knew Seller was after her. She needed to feel like someone was on her side while all this drama was going on.

“Leave her be Annie, she’s in one her moods. She’s spent all day getting yelled at and hit by her so called friends.” He spoke directly at Ruth; “Your own friends. Now she finds out I’m getting married and she can’t stand it. What a good day eh Ruthie?”

Ruth knew he was trying to upset her so stayed quiet.

“Just so you know, Captain Hood is going to have a bonfire tonight in celebration of our engagement. One of the poor bastards is going to be tied up you see. You know him – Seth Janero. The old one - One of West’s friends who knew about the plan to murder the little priest and yet he didn’t grass on him or poor Fran. Don’t worry, the ship won’t burn with him, we’re just going to go around in a circle and lift him over it. How about you go and help them get ready. You can have front row seats as a reward. Maybe you can take a leg or an arm. Look at that white face. Still won’t go near fire will you? Scared of it? Scared you might get burned? You scared you’ll see someone die of the flames?” Ruth looked away; “No response! So you do know when to keep your mouth shut!” He turned to Bess; “It’s a shame really isn’t it Bess? We take her in and this is the thanks we get for saving her life. The way she’s going, she’ll either have her eyes-”

“No! Don’t!”

“Bess my dear you know how far I can go – We have a witness to that don’t we Ruthie?”

“_Aireamh na h-Aoine ort. Duin do ghob, Pòg mo thòin, Thalla gu Taigh na Galla. Rach thu cho duaichnidh ri èarr àirde de a' coisich deas damh.”_

Bess saw James’s face go red as his quick understanding of Ruth’s language worked out what she was saying; “Ruth! Whatever you said, I know it was wrong!”

Seller grinned. He of course didn’t understand her words, but he knew he’d upset her; “I’m going to pretend I didn’t know what you just said.”

“This girl ought to be whipped!” Mrs Ban declared. “Whenever she speaks that savage way, you know she’s insulting you!”

“I know” Seller nodded, “What do you think Bess?”

“She didn’t mean anything!”

The younger slaves noticed Bess was extremely stressed. It was difficult to watch and listen to.

“You’re in my room tonight then? For our silence?”

Ruth felt sick when she heard Seller say that.

Bess had tears in her eyes; “Yes sir.”

“Good”.

Ruth threw down a fork.

Seller went up to her, his face close to hers; “You don’t know how lucky you are. You ought to appreciate having luck. I can’t do anything without something going wrong-”

“Good. May it continue.”

She wasn’t intimidated. He tried again; “Why are you looking at me like that? I don’t like it when my own slave looks at me like I’m a monster.”

“What else are you?”

“For the love of God!” Bess cried out; “Stop this! You’re just a slave; you have no right to argue with him so stop!”

Ruth was silenced.

Mrs Ban laughed; “A woman that will truly be your wife.”

Seller knew he had won tonight; “Remember when I talked to you all about luck? You’re lucky you have Bess looking out for you.” He gave his slave another, yet unopened bottle; “I had fun tonight. Thank you.”

“I still hate you.” Ruth responded, shaking.

“Good.”

He left, his sister followed him. They could hear her bragging how they had “taught that arrogant savage a lesson.”

“Get Tony in here.” Bess ordered Adam. “Now.”

Adam didn’t want to; “Bess-”

“Get your father in here right now!” Adam ran out. Bess grabbed the bottle from Ruth’s hands, opened it and drained it; “Why do you do this to us? Why do have to argue with him?”

Ruth stared ahead.

“Answer me!”

“Bess, she’s all white!” Sarah tried to intervene again.

James quickly put himself between the angry woman and the despondent girl.

“Answer me!” Bess pleaded; “You just saw me protect – pled for you, so you owe me an answer! What were you thinking?”

“Bess that’s enough.”

Tony and Travesty had entered. Adam closed the door sheepishly. The Head Slave did not like what he had heard as he entered.

Bess showed him the old bottle; “Look! He caught her drinking Tony! Toxic drink!” She turned back to the still silent Ruth; “Do you not realize what this can do to you? You fought so hard to stop this stupid – are you listening to me?”

Ruth’s chest hurt. She covered her ears and her legs failed.

Travesty’s voice was gentle; “Bess, why don’t you and I go to my room-”

“Your room is no longer my place of sleep Joel! Haven’t you heard? You stood there joking while I was trying to tell you all what he’d done!”

“I’m sorry!”

“And this one thinks it’s a joke!” Ruth found herself getting the worse of the woman’s anguish again; “You selfishly think you can take what you want is that it? Make everyone’s lives around here more miserable than they already are? Look at us all! Look at every single person in this room! We’ve all tried to help you, but you’ve ignored us all! Supposedly, you know nothing of the dangers on this ship! Am I wrong? For God’s sake answer me!”

Tony had seen enough; “Bess. Go with Joel and let me deal with her.”

“Dad no!” Adam yelled.

“She’s had it rough all day sir!” James pleaded.

“Everyone!” Tony shut them down.

In the silence, Ruth’s small whimpers could be heard.

“Alright,” He tried to keep his voice firm; “Everyone get out. Ruth and I are going to have a little talk and you can come back to work only when I say so.”

“Tony, please don’t be harsh.”

“Please Sarah”

He took one of the chairs in the room, sat it in front of the whimpering girl, sat down and watched her.

** _Today I’m going to get drunk. So drunk that I can’t pretend to be happy because I will be. I will forget that old Seth is going to die in flames and I can forget about her. I just want to forget._ **

\--

Translation:

_A bheil cuimhne agad – _Do you mind?


	28. Antony

_Sweetheart. Look at your hands. Look. You’ve been shaking so much that you’re worn them out. You can barely lift them now can you? Look. See who’s in the room? You know who this is? Speak clearly to him. He just wants to help you._

Ruth’s eyes met Tony’s. She tried to settle her breathing but couldn’t. In her frustration, she lashed out at her knee until she couldn’t take it.

Tony didn’t judge or stop her. He just waited until the energy had left before he spoke;

“Why are you suddenly drinking Ruth?”

No answer. All he could hear was her heavy breathing.

“Are you too tired to answer me?”

“Forget.” Ruth managed to stutter.

His voice went firm; “I can’t hear you.”

“To forget.”

“Bad day?”

No response.

“Ruth.” He warned her.

“I don’t know.”

Tony got up. He helped her on her feet and made her sit down on the chair. He could feel her body shaking as he did.

As the only slave who had been with her through her ten years, Tony knew how the girl could be. He knew Ruth was easily scared – that her backtalk was to shield herself – and he also knew Ruth was very empathetic and sensitive to those around her. Change frightened her.

He should have tried to speak to her before she could see Bess. He told himself he should have done this as soon as he heard what happened – but at least they could talk now.

“Bess…… Bess is just very upset at the moment and you – you’ve never really seen her like this have you?”

She shook her head.

“A bit of a shock wasn’t it? A bit scary? I’d be scared too. She’s had something quite frightening done to her and you’re old enough to know and understand what happened. I want you to know that it’ll pass alright? I know it’s going to be difficult for her and you’re going to worry but please let me and Joel try to get her to smile again alright? She’s going to use you like a pillow to get her anger out, I know that. She’ll regret it but she can’t help herself. It seems you’re everyone’s pillow, even Joel and I can fall into that trap but we need to step back and realise you’re not. Try not to do anything that’ll set her off and if you do, don’t argue back – just like you did now, that was very good. Maybe you can try and walk away next time even if she calls on you. Walk away and find somewhere to rest until the storm blows over. Do you understand me?”

Ruth looked at him; “Am I getting flogged?”

“For what?”

“I stole that bottle.”

“No. No…..” He realised he wasn’t sure; “I might have to do something to you when ordered but it’s not what you’re thinking.”

So long as Hood didn’t hear about it….

“You’re certain you’ll be the one behind the lash?” Ruth’s voice was stronger.

“I will make sure I will be.”

“I’m not scared.”

“I know. But you’re scared of change aren’t you? Joel’s going to do his best to comfort her I promise – but I want you to come and talk to me if you’re feeling down about this alright? Do you promise me?”

“I guess so.”

“I want a yes or a no.”

Ruth didn’t respond.

_You’re terrible at giving answers you know that? Too many questions out of your mouth but not enough answers for the rest of the world – sweetheart, he’s only trying to help you. Can’t you trust him?_

Tony suddenly frowned; _“_Why is your cheek that red? Did Bess hit you?”

“Not there.”

“Who was it?”

No response.

Tony’s frown deepened; “You don’t want to tell me?”

“No”

Tony knew from that tone who it was.

He was going to have words with that young man.

He hid his disappointment well; “Come on, my office. I’ll get a blanket or sheet, make things more comfortable -”

“I don’t like it in there.”

_“_You’re not going to be safe alone tonight. If it helps you, most of the slaves are enjoying themselves up there. Drinking. Do you honestly want to sleep up there with all that noise?”

“No.”

“No, you wouldn’t. I took the liberty to bring your coat and bag down as well. You can have a candle so it’s not too dark and I’ll make sure there’s water if it gets too hot.”

“Did you look through my bag?”

_“_A gentleman does not go through a lady’s bag.”

“There’s nothing you’d find of much worth anyway if you were going to-”

_“_That doesn’t mean anyone should. Now come on.”

_Tony is so much like your father isn’t he? If it weren’t for him, just how wild would you be? That man has kept you in line, taught you to wash and feed yourself and he’s watched out for you when he could._

Tony moved two boxes that he should have moved ages ago to give the girl a corner. Ruth just watched him, She felt better knowing she was safe for now.

Tony spoke as he got up; “I know it’s a little strange not seeing me watch out for you as much as I’ve done before. I don’t mean to be…. Neglectful….”

Ruth understood; “You have a son to worry about.”

“Yes.” Tony wasn’t proud of himself.

“I’m old enough to marry now anyway.”

He smiled; “Yes. Yes you are. I remember when you were this high.” He sat down to have a rest; “Christ it seems like yesterday. I’d never been so angry at my own master.”

Ruth went to the corner he had set up; “Why?”

“I just couldn’t believe the way he spoke about you. Like you were nothing but a nuisance. Even Seller showed more concern for you. You’ve got a memory; you remember you’re first night? You couldn’t speak. Then Bess gave you some paper and you began to draw.”

“I like drawing.”

“Perhaps you could make some living out of it when you get out of here.”

“Do you honestly think we will?”

“We have to cling onto hope. My family were slaves in America Ruth, and both my parents told me that we would be free even if it took three hundred years for our society to accept that we were no different to white skinned people.”

Ruth frowned; “Why do they pretend there is then?”

“The world’s a strange place.”

Ruth went quiet.

He looked over; “What are you thinking?

“Are we going to able to talk like this if or when we get back on land?”

Tony was lost for words; “Ah…. I don’t….”

“I’ve heard things said – over the years not just the present day - that have bothered me. Things people have done to – to people like you.”

“Who did you talk too?” Tony felt concern.

“I heard Mr Marston talk about what his family and other people did to their slaves. Stories about them hanging from trees and the floggings. He said that’s just the way it is. It is just stories right? We’ll still be able to talk to each other?”

Tony let a minute pass.

“I hope so,” he eventually said; “If people have issues with it then we would have to stop – for your safety, not mine.”

“You shouldn’t pay attention to those types of idiots.”

“It’s different on land. This is the life you’ve had to grow up in so you don’t know what it’s like. You have to listen to your betters and the people who want to be your friend-”

“There are more places to hide on land.”

Tony looked away to hide his frustration; “That’s not the point.”

“And I have to listen to them because...?”

“You’re an easy target Ruth. I’m the property of a famous pirate with influential friends in high places and my family have benefited from that security. Most people leave us well alone but sometimes, my family are troubled by men with too much drink in their bellies or men out to prove to the world their strength. Even the women sometimes say such venomous things especially to my wife. But the community as a whole is largely supportive. We’ll do well. But you’re just a savage to them. I’ve heard enough talk about the Scot’s that has made my blood boil. Unless you have that same security, you’re not going to survive. Not even a place under our roof would keep you safe as much as I -”

He stopped as he looked over and saw she was fast asleep.

He leaned back in his chair; “Aye. Rest now, good girl. We’ve got a bad week ahead of us.”


	29. Sanctuary

_We didn't deserve Kate Matthews._

_The evening I left my youngest child at her father's grave, I didn't even go back to find her. I didn't care._

_Allistaire - my older brother - had moved in to help run the farm and to bring up our children. He knew how to keep the boys busy but Ruth had been left for me. And I just couldn't find any reason to._

_I still loved that little girl but my grief at that time overwhelmed me to the point I was convinced to hate her. Why was it she had survived many illness's why he, after one, was dead?_

_It wasn't until the next day, the boys realized that Ruth hadn't been in their one bedroom. Davie asked over and over at the table until my brother told him to get ready for school. He waited until they were gone before he confronted me. Allistaire may not have had time for Ruth but she was still his niece and he cared enough for her to go out and ask the neighbors were she was._

_Kate told him the girl was in bed. And no, she was not returning her until I came and spoke to her._

_Poor Allistaire tried to defend me; "Mrs Matthews, I'm sure it was an accident....."_

_"Maggie isn't stupid" Kate had told him; "You know that young man - and until I see her and I'm convinced her little girl won't come to harm, she isn't coming home."_

_"She is safe Mrs Matthews-"_

_"That girl hasn't been fed properly! I've had many children sir and I know how they are."_

_"I cook-"_

_"No you cannot. Now off with you and tell your sister to come here."_

_I didn't. I felt patronised and embarrassed that Ruth was being kept away. I wondered what stories she had said that made old Kate worried for her safety. _

_I locked myself in the children's bedroom and ignored Allistaire's and eventually my sons knocking. I felt seeing anyone would be unpleasant._

_My brother sent his nephew and my middle-child, John, over to convince Kate to let their sister come home. Ruth hadn't been to school. She had spent the day drawing as she would normally do when there was no work._

_"Did your mother send you?" Kate asked John as she let him in._

_"No Ma'am." John was the more polite of the two boys; "My Uncle did."_

_"He knows she's here and is alright. No thanks to you or your brother. I’ve seen you both – letting your friends pick on her outside the school. You should be ashamed."_

_Kate had told me and my husband about the other children's behavior. There was little us or even the teacher, Mr Cowie could do when we weren't around. The parents of those children did what the could, but it was never enough._

_"She's strange." John defended himself weakly._

_"She’s still your sister. And you know better than that John. You can tell your mother she’s here as well if she doesn't yet know."_

_"Mother’s locked herself in our room. Uncle Allistaire’s trying to get her out."_

_"Tell her she needs to come here so I can have a word with her."_

_"What about Ruthie?"_

_"She’s sound asleep – or she was. I’ve no doubt she’s watching us from under my table."_

_She was indeed._

_John felt embarrassed; "Sorry Ma'am, it's a bad habit she-"_

_"Considering the things you and her brother do to her, I’m not surprised. Now get!"_

_John knew he was fighting a losing battle so he did as he was told._

_Ruth came out of the table; "Mother's licked herself-?"_

_Kate was quick; "Don’t you worry dear. Your mother will be fine."_

_She noticed the bowl on top of the table - which usually had apple's - was empty._

_"Where did the apples go from that bowl?"_

_My child shrank back under that table._

_Kate frowned; "When was the last time your mother made you a meal?"_

_"I don't know. It was a long time ago I think."_

_" wouldn't have been able to answer either._

_"You don’t even like apples."_

_"I hate them."_

_The old woman gave a small sigh; "I don't like thieves very much but you might have to spend another night over."_

_"Mother won't be happy."_

_"She needs some time to think things over child. The best thing you can do as her daughter is to give her that space. Please don’t look so worried. Everything will be fine soon, I promise."_

_I knew my child was very skeptical. _

_I don't know how things would have been that night had she returned home. Kate gave her behind the hairbrush for the stolen apple's but I'm sure she was convinced I would have done worse._

_It makes me ashamed to think I could have hurt anyone of my children - but the fact I had it out for just the one still frightens me to think of._


	30. Before the Storm

“Wake up! I said wake up!”

_That brute woman – the one they call Mrs Ban – strikes my child who had stopped sweeping in her room for a moment._

_Ten years later, my child really is in danger. Everyday, I fear one of these violent…. Creatures will murder her as slowly as she saw her mother go. This woman is one of the people I fear will just do that willingingly._

** _I won’t let her._ **

_And why should I believe you?_

The next morning was very rough on Ruth.

First, she woke up from a decent dream to a swift kick from a very hungover Seller. Tony could only stand and watch as the Quartermaster mumbled that he wanted the drink she had stolen. His sister then appeared and demanded that the girl was to be beaten for the theft the day before. Seller had moaned that he was too tired for this and ordered Tony to do it. He had then left, leaving his sister to witness.

That was why Mrs Ban was in such a good mood the rest of the morning. She viewed her brother’s slave as arrogant and the source of his anxiety, so seeing the cane be put to good use and the welt’s on the girl’s legs had improved her day already.

Tony had done his best not to hurt her as much as he could, but that was always difficult to do with eager witnesses and an implement designed to leave marks. After the thrashing, the girl was ordered to Mrs Ban’s room to help clean with Bess. Tony told her to come back as soon as she was done. He could sense the day was going to get worse.

“Everything will be fine soon.”

Mrs Ban heard the girl; “What the hell are you talking about?”

“Everyone should stop being so sad soon right?”

Both Bess and Seller buried themselves either in a book, or their work.

“Why should anyone be sad? There’s a wedding happening for Christ’s sake.”

“To be blunt Ma’am-”

“I don’t want to hear it. Now sweep!”

** _The wedding is now in three days. Hood and Annie planned it without a word for Bess or myself. My slave has been put to work hard by everyone just to make the place a little less filthy than it is._ **

** _I woke up today from a nightmare. My Bess was at my side.... “My Bess”. It just doesn’t sound right. I should have swallowed my pride and just let them flog me. This is so stupid._ **

** _And now Stevens is watching me. Her fingers, always with a life of their own, twitching._ **

** _I wonder if she can read my mind?_ **

**“**Jonathan, she’s dreaming again.”

Seller sighed; “Let her be Annie. You’re the one causing the bother.”

** _I can’t look at that girl or I might do something I’ll regret. I’ve done too many things I now regret. I can’t hurt the kid -_ **

“Ruth. Please concentrate.” Bess pleaded. She was feeling very guilty about her behaviour the day before, but she had yet to apologise.

“Travesty wants to see us for a meeting.” Seller told his soon to be wife.

“When?”

“I haven’t checked to find out. Stay here and help – her.”

He left the room.

Mrs Ban threw the book he’d left behind at Ruth. It caught her at the back of the legs; “Well there you go, you’ve ruined his morning.”

“I’ve not said a word to him.” Ruth responded. That throw had hurt more than she was showing.

“Please.” Bess again begged.

Ruth gave her a look in response. Bess turned away.

Ruth sighed quietly. She wanted to just go and draw and forget this was all happening.

“James!”

James, who had just come down from scrubbing the deck with Adam, Emmet and Kayser, was just passing Tony’s office when the older man grabbed him and pulled him into the office.

“Tony?” He was shocked and surprised.

“Did you hit Ruth?”

Oh no.

“Ah…. She told you?”

“I asked her why there was a large red mark on her face and she wouldn’t say. Normally she tells me straight away-”

“I apologized to her.”

Tony still frowned; “Good. Good. Don’t make it into a habit. Why did you do it?”

“Sir, when she was drinking, she was also upsetting Catherine-”

“If she does that, the worst thing you can do is physically attack her.”

James feebly defended himself; “But words don’t seem to work.”

“Silence usually does.”

“That seems so cold.”

“I’ve known that girl since she was this high James. She’ll notice and she’ll figure it out for herself. Shame helps mold a child, not fists.”

James then saw then cane on Tony’s seat.

He remembered when he was caned. Tony had a strong arm.

Tony saw what he was looking at; “Ruth and I had a meeting?”

Ruth?

“Tony you didn’t……” James felt anger.

Tony was equally upset; “Seller and his sister came in and gave their orders. Or she did. Girl took it without so much or a yelp.”

“How could you-”

“It was an order - she stole from her master James; I had no choice.”

“Is she alright?”

“I mean she didn’t cry. And honestly, I’ve been asked to do worse. She’ll live.”

“Worse?”

“I’ve been forced in the past to whip men until they’re near dead. Sometimes they die the next day. Ruth’s thankfully avoided that fate and Hood – Hood doesn’t seem to like to remember she’s here.”

“And she is alright?” James again asked.

“Well the first thing she told me once we were done was that I’m getting old. So yes she’s alright. Her legs will give her some discomfort for a few days, but she’ll live. You can go and find her if you’re that worried.”

The legs. Ouch.

“I am worried.” James confessed.

“Then go and talk to her. Put your mind at ease.”

“You hurt her. How can you stomach beating anyone?”

Tony didn’t want to talk anymore; “I ask that myself often James. I feel like I share the man’s pain –a child’s pain is the worst.”

“Ruth?”

“She’s not one to complain or cry. But I’m a father, I just know.”

James’s anxiety went up; “So, she’s not alright?”

“Is anyone? It’s not the thrashing that’s upsetting her but Bess. Everyone with a heart is worried for the woman but the girl…. Ruth has a lot of empathy. Not many people recognize that she has it but she does. Every time someone she has grown to trust suffers; she suffers too.”

James made up his mind; “So maybe I should talk to her.”

“Perhaps you should. But James, stay away from Bess if you can. Give her some space.”

“Yes sir.”

“And if I hear of you using your hands on her, I won’t hesitate to use the cane again.”

“How is my Sarah?”

Ruth and Bess had enjoyed two minutes of silence. Bess felt fear while Ruth wondered how to make herself deaf.

“She’s fine.” Bess answered in a quiet voice.

“Still friends with Coleman?” Bess nodded; “What does she see in that boy? And what on earth does he see in a bastard child?”

Ruth stopped work.

“Believe me Bess, I’ve done my best. As God is my father, I have done my best.”

She then saw Ruth had stopped working. And was glaring;

“What are you staring at?”

“You shouldn’t call your daughter that.”

Sarah may have been a pain sometimes, but she was a friend. Ruth wasn’t going to let even Mrs Ban get away with that.

“What gives you the right to tell me that?” Mrs Ban growled.

“She’s not exactly good company whenever she talks of you but you should know better.”

“Mrs Ban is your master’s sister. You should know better than to criticise her.” Bess responded quietly.

Ruth felt disappointment.

Mrs Ban approved but then said; “You’re going to be her mistress Bess. Why don’t you show her some discipline?”

Bess was horrified; “Mrs Ban! The girl was punished only this morning-”

“That ignorant Sambo obviously didn’t try hard enough!”

“Tony.” Ruth wasn’t letting that slide either; “His name is Tony.”

“You shut up!” She turned back to Bess; “Just give her a sharp lesson on the cheek.”

She slapped the slave who was to be her sister-in-law.

Bess yelped and sobbed.

Ruth took a step forward and then stopped.

“There! That’s all I’m asking! Do it!” Mrs Ban pointed at Ruth.

“You shouldn’t do that”

Mrs Ban glared at the slave girl; “Excuse me?”

Ruth glared back; “She’s not going to be a slave very soon. She can have you brought forward to the Captain for that.”

A moment of silence.

“Bess hasn’t the guts nor courage to defend anyone including herself.”

Another slap. And another.

Ruth almost went in to save Bess when the door opened, and Seller came in.

“The hell is going on?”

His sister sniffed. Bess sobbed some more.

He looked at Ruth who shrugged in shared confusion.

Seller sighed; “I don’t need this.”

\---

** _Look at her, wondering how the world she knew changed so quickly. I haven’t seen that look in her eyes since....... No don’t think about it. Now’s not the time._ **

** _Don’t look at her. Don’t acknowledge her._ **

\---

“You asked my wife to strike my slave?” Seller asked his sister once she told him what was going on.

“She told me not to call my daughter a “bastard”!”

“And she’s right. You don’t insult your own children. You just don’t. Didn’t Tony already deal with my slave?” He looked at Ruth; “Well?”

“Yes he did,” Bess said.

“I’m asking my slave Bess.”

“I happen to be in considerable amount of pain when I so much tiptoe,” Ruth mumbled. It wasn’t a lie.

“Good. Take the rest of the day off.”

Mrs Ban gasped; “Jonathan!”

“She’s just had a beating and she’s sick Annie. I don’t want a sick person or someone in pain cleaning my room.” He grabbed Ruth from behind and threw her out of the room; “Get out! Go and draw!”

Ruth picked herself up from where she had fallen. She bit back a groan as she did.

“You alright?”

Lesley had just come down from the deck and seen the last few seconds.

Ruth fled.

“Looking for Sarah?”

James had entered Travesty’s chapel. The minister was at his table. He looked worse for ware.

“No actually….. I’m looking for Ruth. Is she under the table?” James was sensitive to everyone, sensing the tension from everyone.

“I haven’t spoken to her for a good few days James. She hasn’t been in.”

“She hasn’t come in to take some paper?”

Travesty looked up; “Are you worried about her?” James nodded; “Another friend for her. That’s good.”

James saw all the books on the table. Travesty was indeed preparing for a wedding.

He felt terrible for the poor man. And Bess.

“Tell me a joke James. I think I need one.”

James sighed; “I’m not one for jokes I’m afraid. I lack the timing and humour.”

“Pity.”

He tried to joke; “I was a lawyer. I’m dull by nature. I didn’t have time to learn how to laugh.”

“Good try.”

James decided to change the subject; “How uh… How come no one calls you “reverent” or such?”

“They call me the minister.”

“But not in front of you.”

“I asked them not too.”

“Why sir?”

“When I was captured, I was still a minister in training. My teacher – my own minister – he felt a calling to go to Africa so he took me with him. We had to use one of those ghastly trading ships to get there so – luckily for a few hundred men, women and children – Captain Hood and his ship caught up with us. He saw me and apparently ordered his men not to harm me. He wanted a “midget” among his crew.”

“I can imagine you must have felt some guilt.”

“I had it lucky compared to you James. All the survivors were spared though they ended up as blood thirsty as the rest of them. I ended up conducting their funerals. I’m a joke James. I’m really just Hood’s little joke. I try – I try hard to remember my training and not judge these people. But it’s hard not to.” He buried his face in his hands; “And this wedding..... Both of them didn’t even attend the meeting for preparations. Both of them don’t want this. I’ve had to ask them to come tonight. The Captain’s obviously just trying to cause drama because nothing has happened since that raid. Poor Bess isn’t doing well.”

“Neither are you.” James didn’t like seeing the usually jolly man in this state.

Travesty looked up; “You know about me and her?”

James tried to smile; “It was quite obvious.”

“Like yourself and Sarah.”

James blushed; “Perhaps.”

“Aye. We’ve been together for some time now. This has been a huge blow for the both of us.”

“I understood that from Bess-”

“Don’t judge her harshly James, please.”

“If she hurts Ruth again, what should I do?”

“I think you did exactly right – you stayed by her side. But do come and find me or the doctor and we’ll calm the old woman done. Bess has gone through a lot here and she doesn’t know how to handle her emotions just now.”

“But Ruth-”

“Ruth makes a lot of her own problems James. I understand she’s a susceptible girl but you can’t deny she doesn’t make things easier for herself.”

“Neither has anyone on this ship sir.”

Silence.

James watched as the minister closed the book and scratched his head.

Finally, he gave a small smile; “Yes. You’re right. You’re always right. I think the Lord spared you to keep that young girl alive. He moves in subtle ways but even if she were to die, she’ll be with him. But of course, that’s not fair on one so young is it?”

“You think she may die soon?”

“I have faith she won’t. But more than a few on this ship think that way. Her behavior's...... Been a lot rowdier since she turned fourteen. Of course, all young people are rowdy but for someone who used to be so shy and still is in a way, it’s come as a shock. We always end up talking about her, don’t we? Thomas Didymus was a peculiar one too. A bewildered man who none the less had a lot of courage and determination. Not to mention a blunt tongue. I’m sure they’d have got along.”

“Do you know how Ruth got here?”

It was a question he had wondered if he should ask anyone.

“No one knows the full story. The most we know is that her parents were either badly injured or dead the day she was captured.”

“She told me little bits - her father died about five months before she was taken. Her uncle was staying with her mother. She had other family - that much I know. Two brothers? One of them she called “Davie”.”

“And the other is “John”.”

“John?”

“I once asked her who the two figures she was drawing were and that’s how she answered – quite crossly.”

“When did you first meet her? Where you on the ship?”

“I came up from my room just as she was being taken onboard. Seller was the one who carried her. A pirate called George Stephenson – a very troubled young man – said she saw things that no child should see. That’s all he said before he burst into tears. He couldn’t say anymore.”

“I could ask her.”

“I know you’ve become close to the girl and I’m glad she finally seems to have someone she can confide to, but I’m just saying I don’t think she can handle discussing something like this. Yes she’s no child anymore but her mind hasn’t realized it as her body has. To be frank young sir, I don’t think her mind will at all. Seller and the rest of us have probably traumatised her too much. How she’s managed to keep some sanity is beyond my understanding. She’s a smart girl, she remembers things that you and I may easily forget but she sees the world as a child.”

“I know. I know all that. I know her very well.”

_I believed I did. I know better now._


	31. Savages

Ruth ran to the Galley.

No one was there. Not even Adam who she expected to be sweeping.

She guessed correctly he was up on deck.

She didn’t care. She went under the large table in the middle of the room, grabbed some paper out of her bag and began to draw.

She drew a memory back in 1797.

_Oh for God’s sake._

_I was determined to have Ruth home the next day. In the morning, I sent both boys to tell Kate I wasn’t well enough to go down and to please just bring the child home._

_Kate gave poor Davie a similar lecture she had given John; “You don’t seem to care when your own friends are upon her like a pack of animals.”_

_“I don’t like it….”_

_“Then do something! When was the last time your mother fed the three of you? You two are thinner than usual.”_

_“We are fed. Just…. Uncle Allistaire’s the one cooking….”_

_“The man can’t cook for pigs let alone three children. Do you know how I know? Three apples went missing last night – those are expensive enough – because your sister was hungry. She doesn’t even like eating them, but her stomach must have been bothering her.”_

_Slight exaggeration. My children were mature enough to understand that._

_John however agreed that; “Uncle Allistaire is a bad cook. Ruth…. She won’t eat everything on the plate unless mother makes it.”_

_“And when was the last time she cooked for you three?”_

_“Five days ago.” Davie told a small fib. I hadn’t cooked in over three weeks. “Mother isn’t well. She told us to come down and collect our sister. _

_Kate didn’t buy that; “I’m coming with the three of you. And don’t mention a word about the apples, I’ve already had a few words with your sister.”_

_“Oh Christ….” Davie didn’t like the sound of that._

_She boxed his ears; “No swearing under my roof!”_

Ruth muttered under the table as she finished her drawing; “And then Kate marches with me holding her hand right up to the farm. Mother almost grabs me but suddenly gets a big shock when-”

She flinched in shock as the door slammed open and Bess was thrown to the ground. Her presence unknown, Ruth stayed still and watched.

“Mistress please!” Bess sobbed and pleaded.

Mrs Ban held a knife and pointed at her; “Say it again!”

“Mistress! Mistress!”

“That’s better. You don’t call me Annie again. I don’t let the younger slaves call me that so you shouldn’t either. You’re still my property even when you’re married. I can do what I like with you.”

Tony entered, having heard the yelling. He had the small cane he had used on both James and now Ruth. He had been ordered to use it on Kayser and as he came down, heard Bess’s crying and so went to rescue her.

Mrs Ban growled and put out her hand; “Give me that you filthy pig! I’d let you thrash her, but you did a poor job with the other animal.”

“Mistress! My husband would not wish to see the marks when we are first bedded after marriage!” Bess pleaded.

Mrs Ban sniffed; “Oh… Very well!” She turned to Tony; “You find that animal and give her a second thrashing. Stronger than the other-”

Ruth came out and stared Mrs Ban down.

She just scoffed; “Pathetic. Do you hear me? You’re pathetic!”

Ruth felt the woman’s spit on her face but stayed still.

“Bess, I’ll sort out your dress, but you best stay well away from me today or your face will be marked and not just by my hand.” The woman turned back to Tony; “You better led your people better Anthony. I can talk to your Master and let him know your failure if I hear one more back chat from that girl once I leave this room. Understand?”

“Yes”. Tony was hiding his anger very well.

“Yes what?”

“…. Yes Mistress.”

Mrs Ban left them.

For a moment, everything was still.

Ruth bent down to get her bag.

Tony went up to her and grabbed her arm.

“Tony no!” Bess pleaded.

Ruth felt pain; “Tony, it’s me.” She pulled back as he attempted to drag her to the door; “Look, it’s me!”

He let go.

“Oh Christ…..” He had tears in his eyes.

He threw the cane down on the table.

It snapped.

Another silence.

“What’s happening here?” Ruth asked.

“Madness. Everyone has gone mad.” Tony answered quietly.

“I haven’t.”

Bess scoffed at that.

Tony also scoffed; “Don’t you see what’s happening around you? Don’t you lift your head up from those drawings and see what’s going on?”

Ruth blinked; “Are you angry?”

“My friend here is going through hell!”

He saw her feet back off and immediately tried to calm down. A frightened and stressed Ruth Stevens was a disaster waiting to happen. Yesterday had been a nightmare. He didn’t want to deal with that again while all this…

“Just stay out of our way if you can. Everyone’s on edge and you won’t survive the day unless you keep your mouth shut and yourself hidden alright? Go to my office or go anywhere where it’s empty.” He turned to Bess; “Let’s go, we’ll go and find Joel and we’ll all sit down and talk alright? Bess?”

Bess just sobbed on the floor where she hadn’t moved since her mistress had thrown her in.

“She won’t leave here. Perhaps you should try and get Travesty in here?” Ruth wondered.

He looked at her.

The worry on her face for someone who had mistreated her the other day touched him.

“I’m sorry pet, just please heed my warnings. We don’t need any more deaths on this ship.” He picked up what was left of the cane; “I need to find another one. Don’t want Hood to get the cat out. I’ll try and get Travesty for her.”

He left. Leaving Ruth alone with the sobbing woman.

Ruth knew she was supposed to leave too. But she couldn’t. Bess’s tears brought back memories of….

_Ruth. It’s alright to just go. She’ll understand._

“Bess?” Ruth went near; “Bess it’s me. Do you need a hand? Should I go and get Mr Travesty? Do you want me to get Joel?”

The sobs just got louder.

“Why are you doing that? Did she hurt you that bad?”

She meant the tears.

“I don’t love him.” Bess managed to say.

Ruth paused in wonder; “Isn’t there some way to stop it then? Why make up reasons to carry-”

“You really are stupid, aren’t you?”

Ruth backed up a little as the woman raised herself a little. The face was red and wet but her eyes would have made even Mrs Ban pause in fear;

“Do you not understand? I can’t! He took me to bed without me wishing it – twice now! Twice! And now they’re saying.....”

She buried herself in her arms.

_There’s no use in trying sweetheart. Go back to your drawings._

“I must obey both mistress and master if I don’t wish harm on you and Adam.”

Ruth didn’t get it; “What’s it got to do with us two?”

“They told me that it was no use trying to get out of it unless I wanted you or Adam to be hurt for my disobedience. I’d rather die than let that happen to either of you-”

“Seller can’t do that to you. How is that not against the rules? How come Hood hasn’t added it to his hundred and fifty commandments?”

“Do you think this is funny?”

Ruth was now confused; “Sorry?”

The woman manged to get up; “You think this is all a joke, don’t you? If you can’t even understand what’s going on-”

“You need to tell the Captain.”

_Why the hell did you just say that?_

Bess strained a laugh; “And what will he do? Why did you say that?

“He’ll understand if you tell him yourself – maybe open up a little to how much hurt there is-” Bess was now openly laughing at her; “He can stop this Bess, he respects you-”

“You’re having a laugh at my own expense!”

Ruth was serious; “If you don’t want to go I will.”

The laughter stopped; “You will not!”

“Or I can tell Tony, James or Sarah to do it. None of us can stay back and watch you suffer like this. Everyone’s worried about you, everyone wants you to be safe and everyone wants to help you. Joel’s in his room crying because he must give you away to that man. You’ve given up a lot for all of us and we’re not going to leave your side. I want to help. I want to try.”

_Sweetheart, I know what you’re trying to do but she’s not in the right state of mind –_

_“_Tony says you might be in no fit state to reason, but I want to help.”

Bess shook her head; “Dumb beast.”

Ruth felt pain in her chest; “I want to help that’s all.”

_“_You don’t have the sense to know how to. Look at yourself; listen to what you’re saying. You don’t know anything about that man to take such a view of him. You know nothing. For God’s sake pull yourself together and at least make your folks proud of you! Do you not wonder what they must be thinking as they’re looking down on you? Did they raise you to act like this? Like some ignorant savage? Savage!”

Ruth was stunned.

Bess felt her anger die a little.

_She didn’t mean it. She’s just emotional. Don’t let it get to you._

“Are you going to stop now?” Ruth asked sincerely.

“Savage….” Bess realized what she had said.

“Can I ask why your angry with me? I’m trying to think but there’s nothing. Unless you feel your being pitied, and you don’t like that? I can understand.”

Bess turned away from her.

“I don’t like being confused. It scares me. Why are you angry with me? Why did you mention my folks? I didn’t bring them up. How am I a savage? You got really mad at Adam for calling me that once. Tony even disciplined him and made him say sorry.”

“I promised myself I would never call you that. I promised myself I would never sink so low as to hurt you in any way.” Bess’s voice went hard; “You pushed me. Why are you like this?”

“I….I….”

_Focus. I know it hurts, I know that’s why you’re holding on but please – focus._

Ruth didn’t know why she was talking but she couldn’t stop; “I do wonder sometimes. You know – what they’re thinking now. My folks? Mother used to say it was just my way. That she would – she would try to teach me to cope, you know? And I’d…. I couldn’t…. Couldn’t do it….. And I could see it upset her because I…. she wanted me to be stronger….”

_Ruth….._

“I didn’t mean to….. Not that…. Not disappoint her….”

Bess heard the girl’s voice shake. Then her panicked breathing. She looked at her. The girl’s face was white. She was in pain.

What had she done?

“Daddy won’t be sad.” The girl was still talking; “He’ll just be – he’ll just be happy I’m alright. And I’m alright – he was going to buy a horse, a big black one with a white star between the eyes. He saved up money to get it and it would work in the fields and I’d get to feed it, look after it, touch it.... Touch it – we – we didn’t get it. It was too late. He had to go away and everyone forgot about the horse…. Everyone just forgot to be kind to each other, and I didn’t know what to do….”

“Ruth?” Bess’s eyes were wide. She forgot her own misery for a moment in the face of this new sight.

This was worse than yesterday. Ruth really looked ill. Not only was her face white, she was shaking uncontrollably.

_Focus._

“Ruth?” Bess tried again.

Ruth gave herself a moment. She breathed deeply. Then her own eyes narrowed at Bess;

“I do know him.”

Bess felt fear.

“I know about him - a lot more than you do. More than anyone here. If anyone on this ship is a savage it’s him.”

Her body began to shake, and her eyes faltered. The glare remained though.

“What are you trying tell me….?” Bess reached for her.

Ruth grabbed her ears; “My ears are hurting.”

She made a swift exit with her bag.

She heard Bess call for her, but she didn’t answer.

Then more sobbing. Out of shame. Out of fear.

Ruth wondered if she was crying because of her.

That thought didn’t help her to calm down.

She called herself an idiot for trying to help. She knew her “help” only made things worse, why had she tried?

Ruth breathed deeply and calmed down as much as she could. She hadn’t cried but she felt like she had. Her chest hurt more than the beating she had endured that morning.

She looked at her drawing she had done.

It was horrible.

She ripped it up in frustration. It didn’t make her feel any better.

Nothing was going right.

Was this day going to end anytime soon?


	32. A Better Daughter

Ruth found the Doctor's room empty as usual. That suited her.

She went back to drawing.

Back to remembering....

_You can imagine my shock when Kate brought my children and upon seeing me, slapped and scolded me awfully for leaving my youngest child - who was to turn seven very soon - at her father's grave._

_Davie dragged his siblings to their bedroom and the three of them hid under the bed they shared. I can't imagine how uncomfortable it must have been under there._

_"Did you make up stories to tell her?" John had asked his sister as our own "chatter" died down and they could barely hear me defend myself or Kate's honest scathing words._

_"John." Davie always defended his little sister from his brother._

_"Why else is the old bat here?"_

_"She's trying to help mother. Even if that’s means giving her a little shake. Besides, Ruth shouldn’t have been left alone out there in the dark. And the cold. She could have got very ill again."_

_"I was looking for the doll." Ruth said._

_"Not this again." John sighed._

_"Ruthie," Davie tried to be kind; "You know where it is."_

_"No I don't." Ruth insisted._

_"It's in the fireplace. Mother threw it in there last week after you were locked out of school." John had said this before._

_"And you came home because you were scared. Remember?" Davie wasn't as blunt as John._

_"It's not in the fireplace."_

_John rolled his eyes; "Well no. It's burnt."_

_Ruth shook her head; "It’s not burnt either because it wasn’t in the fireplace."_

_"You saw mother do it." Davie said as gently as possible._

_"No I didn't."_

_"Give it up Davie." John didn't want to hear anymore._

_"Mother would never do something like that."_

_I wish I could have heard that conversation - fight even. Perhaps my mind would have snapped back to normal. Alas, I was still thinking of myself and my grief._

_"Why do you have to make things worse?" John felt tears and didn't like it._

_"Drop dead."_

_He glared at her; "What?"_

_"Drop dead."_

_Davie didn't want a fight; "Ruth-"_

_"Both if you!"_

_They were silenced._

"We hid there in silence until mother called me back. Kate was there. Mother said sorry and Kate left happy. But when the door closed, I felt a sharp pain across my face. I still don’t know what I did wrong. ” Ruth mumbled to herself. The drawing was almost complete; "What did I do to make her sad? Was I supposed to just stay there by Daddy’s grave till I froze? What did I do wrong?"

_Sweetheart, I wish you wouldn't remember those dark times. You're blessed and cursed by such a gift._

"I can’t help it. It’s not so bad. If I think about it, then things here aren’t so bad. There’s nothing worse than seeing people you love hurt inside because of you. There’s no one here I love so I shouldn’t really worry. Should I? Shouldn’t I?"

_No one here you love? after all they've done for you?_

"I’ve got to think these things to stop feeling sad. When I’m sad I cry. And I shouldn’t cry."

_Or what, the world ends?_

"Mother will get very angry."

Ruth didn't know she was talking out-loud. There was no one she could talk to about all this.

No one.

"And I.... Need to remember to stop doing that regardless if she's gone...."

_Your mother knows better now! If you need to cry, then cry! She’s not going to scold you now. She just wishes she could hold you one more time. Even if she felt the tears against her chest while –_

Ruth heard a snap.

The drawing - which was good this time - was ripped.

Why hadn't she being paying attention?

She let out a frustrated groan and looked through her bag to find a blank sheet of paper.

She had none left.

She felt pain in her chest.

Her thoughts swirled in her head.

Paper.... Paper..... Who could have paper....?

Maybe she could ask....?

No.

Everyone was upset today. No one would help.

Maybe she had some in the Cargo Hold? Avoid another crisis?

She decided to check.

She looked at the drawing; "I didn't mean to disappoint you mother. I'm sorry I wasn't a better daughter."

It was an apology she made a few times when this down.

She threw it on the ground and left.

_My God. What have I done?_


	33. Drawings

The Cargo Hold was not empty.

Ruth walked in to find Sarah and Adam talking.

Sarah’s dress was thinner than what she normally wore. Perhaps she was in trouble and that was her mother’s way is punishment? Ruth had heard of such discipline. Seemed pointless. Sarah wasn’t one to be easily embarrassed - with a mother like hers…

“Father won’t say a word to me about it. He just said to stay away from Bess and be extra nice to Ruth.” Adam was saying.

“So, he did beat her?”

Wonderful. They were talking about her.

Her legs suddenly announced that yes, they still hurt.

Ruth saw the chess pieces Adam had left lying around and picked up a Knight.

“He would have denied it if he didn’t.”

“I don’t understand it all Adam. I really don’t.”

“He didn’t get much choice.” Ruth finally spoke. She fiddled with the Knight figure.

Sarah recovered from her surprise; “I know that it’s just - What’s wrong have you been crying?”

Ruth hide her eyes with her fringe; “I don’t cry.”

Sarah frowned suspiciously.

Adam was none the wiser; “Do you want to play chess?”

“No.”

“You look like you’re in pain.” Sarah said.

“Yes.”

“Tony didn’t hurt you too much did he?”

“I didn’t cry because of him.” Ruth wanted paper, not to talk.

“Was it Bess? She’s been sobbing around the ship and yelling at everyone. I had to take Adam down here while Tony and Travesty calmed her down.”

Ruth was silent.

“Right.” She sighed; “There’s nothing we can do for now Ruth. I know this is hard-”

James appeared.

He saw his friends and he saw Sarah’s worried face.

And Ruth’s fringe hiding her face.

This wasn’t good.

Sarah hid her true feelings; “James! I’ve been looking for you since this morning. Catherine told me the marriage is going to be in the morning or any day now”.

“Travesty told me.” James didn’t want to talk about it.

“He must be so angry.”

“He is.”

“Joel’s angry too?”

Sarah and James looked at their friend. Her tone showed her fear;

“So everyone’s angry? Not just sad?”

James was quick; “I think our emotions are all a bit high just now Ruth. Do you want to go and draw?”

“No.” Ruth tried to calm down.

“No?” James was surprised.

“There’s no paper. I don’t want to ask Joel for more if he’s angry.”

“I mean… He needs them just now to write what he’s going to say and when I was there, he’d gone through half the paper.”

“He has to leave some for me.”

James looked at the others. No one knew what to say.

“Come on….” James thought hard; “Teach me how to play chess. I bet I can do it if I can say a few words in Gaelic.”

“Adam can do it.”

Adam pointed at the Knight; “We need that.”

“No, you don’t.”

Sarah went to get her friends bag to give it back.

Then she saw a drawing in the floor.

And another.

She gasped quietly, sat down and started to look through them all.

“We can’t play without the Knight!” Adam continued to argue.

“I can.”

“But you’re not even playing!”

“I need it just now….” Ruth wasn’t even fighting. There was no strength in her voice.

“What’s wrong with you? He can’t have hit you hit that hard, you’ve never acted like this before.”

“Adam.” James was firm; “Go and see what Sarah’s doing.” He pulled Ruth aside; “Seriously, you don’t look well and you’re behaving weirdly.”

Ruth’s eyes stung; “I can’t sit. It hurts.”

James gently took the chess figure off her and gave her shoulder a comforting rub; “Tony said you were alright. Are you really?”

Ruth rubbed her dry face as if she had tears. James could see she was close to it if she hadn’t yet.

“I saw a rainbow the other day.” She said quietly; “I hoped we could reach it before it disappeared, but the ship was sailing in the wrong direction. I sat outside until it was gone. Made me feel sad. I’m – I’m not – I don’t do sad very well. And everyone’s sad – I don’t know what to do…..”

“I don’t know anyone who has touched a rainbow.” James confessed.

“Both my brothers have. Davie and John ran up this hill and their hands went right through it. Father said it was a gift from God because it showed off the lights and that. I was very upset that I didn’t touch it. Father just said I had my whole life ahead of me and I’d get my chance. Maybe I will, maybe I will.”

“Davie and John were your brothers? Are they waiting for you?”

“I don’t think so.”

James died a little inside.

Ruth suddenly turned abruptly when she heard the sound of paper….

She saw what Sarah was doing.

Adam alerted Sarah and backed off.

“I think those are mine, if you don’t mind just – just put them down?” Ruth asked.

Sarah looked down again at some paper she had found.

James saw his friends body start to shake.

“Sarah? Sarah it’s mine.” Ruth thought her chest may burst; They’re mine - are you trying to prove a point because I’m – I’m – I’m – I’m really not in the mood-”

“It’s alright.” James tried to be gentle; “It’s alright, clam down pal.”

“My uncle…..” Sarah gasped it out.

Ruth’s shaken turned violent.

Sarah looked at Ruth. She seemed disturbed.

She lifted the picture so they could see it; “Is this who it’s supposed to be? You’ve drawn him like this but what is he doing? What is he doing to this woman?”

James thought the picture was grotesque. It was clear that man was Seller but that woman and what it looked like he was doing……

Adam had to look away.

“Can you put it down?” Ruth’s cheeks flushed.

Sarah had other questions; “Why does he have a knife and – why is he carving into that woman? Who’s the small figure standing by the door? What were you trying to draw –?”

Ruth’s hands suddenly grabbed at her papers. Startled, Sarah pulled away.

The paper – the drawing – was torn.

“Well that was stupid.” Adam declared, “why do you have to act like that?”

“Adam. Not now!” Sarah shouted.

Ruth had frozen. Her hands were up and she stared down at what was left of her drawing.

And the rapid breathing began.

“No.... no.... no, no....”

Adam brief callousness disappeared; “We can fix it somehow” He looked t both Sarah and James; “We can right?”

“I’m so sorry.” Sarah put her hand on Ruth’s shoulder.

Ruth’s back hand met Sarah’s cheek. Then both hands went for the throat.

James grabbed Ruth from behind and a terrified Adam twisted the wrists until they let go.

Sarah was more shocked than hurt; “James be careful!”

“_Luid…..!” _Ruth growled at her as she tried to escape.

James didn’t let go; “Stop it! Stop it now!” An arm came free and grabbed his hair; “Adam, help me!”

With much difficultly, Adam managed to grab the arm and pull back her fingers. Sarah helped them push the girl down to the ground and hold her there until she stopped struggling.

She felt disgust at herself; “Has it really come to this?”

James cautiously signalled for them to get off; “Why do you do this to yourself?”

Ruth crawled to the papers; “I’m not answering your constant questioning; I’m not in the mood.”

Sarah stepped ahead and tried to help her up; “I’m so sorry!”

Seeing her, Ruth again went for her.

“Just go!” James cried to Sarah who dodged away and reluctantly left the room.

James again grabbed Ruth from behind to stop her from following Sarah. He couldn’t let her go – not in this state.

“Let her go!” Adam cried. Distressed.

James pulled her towards her bag, so she wasn’t facing the door, before he let go. Ruth managed to punch his arm as he did which made him groan out-loud. Free from his strong grasp, Ruth once more went straight to her bag and the papers which had scattered. Both slaves were breathing heavily.

“What the hell’s wrong with you?” James growled, “What was that about?”

“_Caoch.....” _The papers were out or order. Ruth tried to sort them.

“Ruth!” James reached for her.

“_De do ghnothaich!”_

He tried again; “Calm down!”

“_Leam-leat!” _Ruth tried to push him away;_ “_Will you _stop_ touching me?”

“That was your friend! You tried to hurt your friend!”

“That’s not a friend, I don’t tell her anything about me.”

There was no coldness in Ruth’s voice, but James didn’t care; “She wants to help you! We’re all trying to help you!”

Ruth didn’t respond.

“Why’d you do that to your own friend? Answer me!”

Ruth had other thoughts; “I need to do these again. It’s wreaked. Their broken, it’s all broken.”

Adam decided to keep a safe distance.

“We could get more paper later.”

“No, I need it now. How is it going to stop unless I draw?”

“Stop what?”

Ruth didn’t respond.

Then her energy just died.

She felt her stomach heave and her head throb; “I feel sick….”

James was cautious; “Are we going to be sensible now? Do you want to talk?”

Ruth, her head down, shook her head.

“You just hurt Sarah. If it was any other person, they’d be calling one of them to kill you. You know that Ruth, you’ve warned me before. She’s your friend-”

“Are we done? Are we done with the fucking lectures?” Ruth shut him up. Her temper vanished yet again as she left the papers on the ground, leaned against the wall where she sat and sighed.

James waited a moment before he tried a new tactic; “Bess.”

He got her attention.

“Did she do something again?”

Her eyes left him.

He got his answer; “I think you should stay away from her until she and Seller sort themselves out. I don’t like the man; I don’t like how he treats you sometimes but he can-”

“Go fuck himself for all I care.”

“Ruth-”

Ruth leaned forward and quietly hissed; “_'s ann agamsa a tha a' chùirt ag èisteachd riut! _I don’t want to talk about him – I don’t want to think about it.”

Adam was frightened; “James, should I get my father?”

James shook his head. He tried to show her glare and voice had not intimidated him. He pointed at the ripped drawing; “Was he who Sarah said it was?”

The glare left her face. She closed them and leaned back yet again; “Please don’t talk about it.”

James was about to ask for an apology but stopped himself.

Ruth had heard a grunt and looked at him.

Suddenly, James just saw a helpless little girl.

He bit his lip; “Tell me what’s wrong?”

She blinked. Then looked at the torn drawing.

James tried again; “I’m not asking for curiosity; I want to help. You’ve worked yourself up, you’ve frightened us. Is that what you want? What did Sarah see that got her upset and what made you go after her? You told me you were in pain, so why?”

Ruth rubbed at her mouth.

James waited patiently.

“That’s her uncle in the drawings. That’s a family member; she shouldn’t see anything like that.”

He frowned; “I don’t understand.”

She blinked again.

_Tell him. _

_You should have told someone years ago, you know that. Take a few deep breaths; tell him as much as you can. He’ll be gentle to you. You know you can talk to him. He’s your friend. He’ll let you talk._

Ruth’s shaking, red marked hands went into her leather bag. She took out some more drawings and placed them in front of James.

“I drew these ones the first week I came onto this ship.” She pointed to what was clearly an early drawing; “The one’s Sarah’s ruined is more – better drawn and…. More detailed version I guess.”

The early drawing was clearly done by a much younger Ruth. Not much detail as she would do now.

James took it; “How old were you when you drew this?”

“Seven. I wanted to draw something else, but I ended up drawing.......”

He heard her voice fail but pretended not to notice as he inspected the drawing.

“For a seven-year-old, this is……” He changed his mind; “It’s very well done.”

Ruth didn’t respond or react.

“This man…. His body has an “S” on it and his face is a triangle but upside down with narrow eyes and those horn – that’s Seller?”

“He looked more normal in my other version.”

“Oddly enough….. this looks less scary.”

“That’s why I made him look normal.”

“So uh, why does he have a knife in his hand and why does it look like blood is dripping from it?”

“He stabbed someone.”

James flinched at the matter-of-fact tone Ruth used too much.

“And uh….. this?” He pointed at a figure lying down; “This is the person he stabbed? The picture makes it look like a woman. Was it a woman?”

No response. She wasn’t even looking at the picture or at James.

“Was it a woman you knew?” James made his voice quiet.

“No.”

Too quick.

“Suppose she wasn’t. What did he do to her?”

_Go on._

“He told her to undress. He tied her to the bed…. “ James saw Ruth’s eyes blink as the memories seemed to shoot rather than flow to her; “…. stabbed her three of four times…. Knife goes right in slowly, cutting out parts…. He used his tongue. And his fingers and...... His fingers got covered in blood….”

James spared her; “And you saw that? Seller humiliating that poor woman? That figure with the small dress on, that’s you? You saw this happen?”

“Yes.”

James put the picture down. His hand was wet from sweat.

“Was she crying? Was she hurt?” He then asked.

“I mean…. Stabbed.”

“It was your Mother wasn’t it?”

He heard a sigh escape, one she had been trying to hold back.

He felt sick.

“She saw me.” Ruth suddenly spoke; “She said my name and he stopped and then he saw me. He said….said some stupid things – “she’s not hurt. Go and find your brothers.””

_“S_he told you to do the same didn’t she? To try and get you out of there? So you wouldn’t see what he was doing to her? But you didn’t want to go? You didn’t want to leave her alone with that monster?”

“No.”

“You were a good daughter.”

She shook her head.

“He had to take you out himself didn’t he? And then – these two men on the ground? One of them has an axe there – who’s that?”

“My uncle Allistaire. He… Looked after the farm after my father died. He was always out. Terrible cook.” She chuckled at her last comment; “I saw the axe, I knew not to look at his head.”

“And the other one?”

“Davie. He didn’t look good. His leg was……”

“And who’s that animal? A dog?”

“Snap. I found him on the road – my last trip with father. Seller put me down and the dog ran to my arms. I made him run away.”

“Where was John?”

“I don’t know. I saw one of his shoes on the ground but no body. I didn’t want to look.”

James: What are the red parts on top of the house?

“_Tiene_”

““Fire?” Flames? Seller too?”

“He made some gesture with his arm and they set the whole croft on fire.”

James held his breath; “And she…. Was still alive?”

“Yes”.

“Christ….” James couldn’t help it. He buried his face in his hands.

Ruth was still.

James shivered; “How could a man do that to a little girl?”

“She told him to take me. Told him to keep me alive. Said she’d be watching him. And God forbid if something happened to me.”

“So she saved you.”

“Yes.”

“Then you need to be more careful – if she didn’t want you to get hurt-”

“James.”

She telling him to shut up.

She’d had enough scolding’s.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry and I – thank you for being honest.”

“He was good to me.”

Ruth and James turned to Adam.

“Oh shit…..” James had forgotten the younger slave had been standing there.

“He was good to me.” Adam repeated himself; “He treated me well back home!”

“Adam,” James was careful; “You need to leave.”

Behind him, he could hear Ruth starting to whimper.

Adam rushed to her; “Ruth? It’s ok.”

“_Màthair.... Mamaidh_….” Ruth reached for her hair.

“You don’t have to say anything.” James assured her; “Just shake your head, yes or no. Does it hurt inside? Yes?”

She nodded, her hands covering her face.

“Come here, come here. You can cry? Let it out.” James offered a hig.

Instead, Ruth just reached for the floor and lay down.

James wasn’t offended; “I always wondered why you did this sometimes but if it helps I won’t question it anymore.”

“The bastard…..” Adam mumbled as he thought of Seller.

“Not now.” James mumbled back.

“He’s a monster. She shouldn’t be anywhere near him!

“Not in front of her, please.” James took him aside; “Go and calm down and we’ll talk later. I need to sort her out alright? Don’t say a word to anyone, it’ll just get her in bigger trouble.”

Adam seemed to accept it but he left in a foul mood.

James still hadn’t heard any tears which made him worry; “why don’t you cry? It’s nothing to be ashamed off. “

All he could hear was her breathing.

Unsure what to do, he picked up more of her drawings.

There were….. Very good.

“See, when I look at what you wrote and what she drew, it’s nothing like the writings or pictures Grandfather did, but it struck me more than anything he ever did. You’re an original artist you know that? You really tell a story. Why did you do this if you weren’t going to show anyone?”

“For mother.”

James looked up to see she had sat herself up; “Did you want to give it to her?” She nodded; “Didn’t you know what happened at the time?”

“I knew.”

“But you hoped.”

“I hoped.” Her voice was a little calmer; “I thought maybe she could be – stop being….. _marbh_”.

““Death?” – you mean dead? When did you finally come to terms with it all?”

“I don’t know if I have yet.”

His stomach dropped; “Ten years.”

“That means nothing.”

“I heard time heals-”

“So did I. It hurts – thinking about her.” Ruth’s fist went to her chest; “_Chan eil mi ag iarraidh oirre marbh.”_

““I don’t want her dead?”” Ruth shook her head. “Does it feel better talking about it?”

“A little?”

“Because I’m not dumb. I know you think about her every day but you’ve never said a word until now. You’re a fighter. You’re a dahm good actress as well. You carry yourself like nothing bothers you. I should have known better. You’re a marvel.”

Ruth picked herself up and started to put her drawings back in her bag.

James watched her in silence. He had a new outlook on the slave who had saved him. She was a lot more self-aware and tough than she seemed.

“Am I alright?”

Yet she would ask questions like a little, confused, child.

He was honest; “No, you’re not. You’re tired.”

He suddenly saw her face turn white. Then she was rushing towards the door.

He grabbed her and held her back; “Ruth, no.”

“He’s going to hurt Bess.”

“No he won’t.” James knew that was wrong.

Ruth was in a panicked state; “He’s going to hurt her like he hurt mother-”

He pulled her close; “Look at me.” Her eyes met his; “We won’t let it happen alright? Tony won’t let it happen, Joel won’t let it happen, Sarah, the others, I won’t let it happen” he was out of breath; “And if you can stay calm and focus, you can help her too. You want to help right? You want to help?”

“Caught in the act!”

Emmet had entered, Kayser just behind him.

Ruth pulled away and held herself.

Emmet straight away teased her; “I thought you were just friends with him? You needn’t shake like that; no one’s come in to murder you yet.”

“Emmet, get out.” James told him.

“Just because you got caught with your arms round the lun-”

James hit him.

Emmet fell on his back and stared up at him; “What’s wrong with you?”

Kayser was stunned.

Ruth was quietly whimpering.

James looked at Kayser and pointed at Emmet; “If he insults my friend without me to hear it, you make sure you slap him hard for me. Get him out of here.”

“Has something happened? Is she alright?” Kayser was concerned.

“You both came in at a bad time – understatement of the year - that’s all you need to know.”

Emmet felt bad and spoke to Ruth; “What’s wrong with you?

“Don’t talk to her. Get out!”

They two young men rushed out.

James could hear Ruth still whimpering behind him: “I’m sorry. I’m sorry but I won’t stand for that nonsense anymore.”

No response.

“Ruth? Can you talk to me? Ruth?” He looked at her; “Can you look at me?”

_Can’t you hear his voice? Ruthie? Ruthie –_

Ruth clutched her head and groaned. Her fingers began to pull at her hair and scratch. James reached out and held her – putting his arms around her and bragging each wrist to stop her from hurting herself.

“Shhh...... It’s ok. It’s alright.” She seemed to fight back but he held on; “Look, look. It’s alright. It’s just me. I know it hurts.”

Her energy left her.

“I know it hurts” He repeated. His pulse felt like it would burst.

“It won’t stop.” He heard her mutter. “I’m sorry.”

“I know. Don’t be sorry. You shouldn’t be sorry. It’s not your fault alright? Do you hear me? None of this is your fault. What did I just say to you?”

“It’s not my fault.”

“Yes.”

He heard the door slam open.

Ruth pulled away and shrank down.

James turned around.

Seller sniffed as he took in the picture; “I thought as much. Don’t be such a child, I welcome it.” He turned to James; “But you better be prepared for the wrath of my niece. Just had Emmet run into me and tell me you scared him away. Found you and my slave in some embrace.”

James refused to look him in the eye; “I’m just a friend to Miss Stevens.”

“Yes.” Seller’s tone was pure sarcasm; “And I’m overjoyed getting married.”

“Then why bother going through with it? If I may be so blunt?”

Seller sighed; “I feel like a character in a story – but the writer got lazy and decided to add a wedding just to make things more interesting – probably realising what shit they wrote. Life is. No really, Hood would have got Bess killed if I didn’t go along with this. Bess used to be a good friend of mine till Miss Deadlights here came along.”

Ruth didn’t dare show him her glare.

“Deadlights?” James hadn’t heard that word.

“Her eyes. Perhaps Miss Addled would be better.” He chuckled at his own bad joke; “By the way, my sister wants you in the Galley. You both better hurry.” He saw her eyes; “Don’t give show us that look Ruthie, you’ve had time to get over your headache and your legs can’t be that sore. Get a hold of yourself.”

James saw her body flinch at “Ruthie”.

Pleased with himself, Seller left. The door slammed behind him.

“_Màthair...._Mother’s last word.”

James understood; “Ruthie?”

Again she clutched her head.

James held her; “He’s not here. It’s only me. We can still talk.”

“I don’t want to talk anymore.” Ruth pulled away.

“No?”

“Can’t we make him go away?”

_Focus._

_“_We need to go, I can’t stay here, I can – I can try and make my breathing um….. _'S urrainn dhomh a' feuchainn agus socraich mi fhìn ma tha mi a 'fuireach sàmhach”_

James repeated what he understood; ““I can try and calm myself if I?””

“Stay quiet.” Ruth apologetically shrugged.

“That’s fine. I won’t say a word about this alright? Does that make you feel better?”

She nodded.

“We’ve got to go then. Just don’t look at them and I’ll stay by you alright? No one will ask you what’s wrong if I say that will they? Trust me. You’ll be fine.”

“I’m having a bad day.”

“I know. We all are.” James opened the door; “Let’s get this day over with.”

\---

Translation:

_Caoch - _Shit

_De do ghnothaich – _Mind your own business!

_Leam-leat! _\- Two-faced/double crossing bastard!

_'s ann agamsa a tha a' chùirt ag èisteachd riut! - _I don’t see why I should waste my time listening to you!


	34. Shattered Glass

“You two took your sweet time!”

Mrs Ban yelled at James and Ruth as they entered.

“We were finishing off another job-” James lied.

“I owe you Coleman. And stay away from my daughter you hear? Do you hear me? Get to work!”

James looked around.

Travesty was on a stool in the corner, pretending to be enjoying a drink. Tony was close by, staring at Bess who was washing dishes.

Mrs Ban was loudly listing what food they would be cooking. Seller – James felt his stomach turn looking at him - was performing. Pretending to be happy.

Adam was sweeping though his mind was in a dark cloud.

Sarah saw them and came up to Ruth; “I’m so sorry about-”

Ruth walked to the table, ignoring her.

“James is she alright?” Sarah begged for an answer.

“No. No don’t ask any more questions.”

He saw the colour leave her face. But she wisely said nothing.

Despite the festive look, the room was drowning in tension. James wondered how anyone was still breathing.

“I said get to work!” Mrs Ban shouted at a still silent Ruth; “I want this floor scrubbed and all the pots clean for tomorrows feast. I want you all up and early to help me and Bess. Bess won’t rest on her special day but we won’t let her do all the work.”

“I don’t mind.” Bess’s voice was quiet.

“You will sit and rest!”

“For heaven’s sake, let her work. “ Sarah was fed up with the ill treatment of Bess.

So was Seller; “Yes. You can’t force someone to rest when they’re excited or nervous about tomorrow. I know I’m very nervous.” He spoke to Tony; “You’re a married man Tony. You know how it is. The Captain had our own little priest bless you and Tara. I’m sure she was glad to be off Wade’s hands.”

“Tara was just happy to marry this good man.” Travesty spared his friend from answering.

“Not any jokes today?”

“No. Sorry.”

James went over to Ruth with concern; “Ruth, Ruth you’re breathing heavily. Is your chest hurting you?”

No answer.

“You look frightened.”

“I think I am.” She whispered; “I’m….. Not right. Right now.”

James wondered what to do.

“Leave that rat alone Coleman. Just because I tell you to stay away from my daughter does not mean you go after that dumb animal. Have some standards.”

James responded with a dirty look. Right now, he didn’t care if he was in trouble.

“Perhaps I don’t need the girl in my room anymore. That alright Ruthie?” Seller said.

“Ignore him.” James told Ruth.

She didn’t react anyway.

Seller frowned; “What’s with this? She won’t even look at me. Why are you already trying to cause us trouble? I hate to wonder what you’re going to be like during the wedding.” He put his bottle down and came over; “At least talk to me!”

James put himself between Ruth and the pirate.

Seller grabbed him and pushed him away; “Well?”

Nothing.

“Can you listen to Mr Seller please?” Bess asked Ruth.

Ruth didn’t even look at her.

“What happened?” Sarah questioned James.

“Don’t. Not now.” James begged.

“What’s this then Bess? Had a falling out?” Seller asked why Ruth was ignoring the slave – someone he knew Ruth had respect for. He was genuinely confused.

Bess wisely played dumb; “Perhaps there’s been too many changes all at once.”

“You’re telling me.”

His sister then brushed past him and they saw her put a framed picture on the large table.

“Why is that here?” Seller asked.

“It’s our anniversary.” His sister retorted, as if he should know.

The picture was of John Ban. Sarah’s father. No one but his wife missed him.

Seller noticed Ruth was looking at it; “That caught your eye there? You could make us a drawing as a wedding gift. I hope to get one. I know Bess will appreciate it.”

“Uncle.” Sarah spoke up; “Are you trying to torment her?”

“Me?” Seller feigned innocence; “I just want to know why she hasn’t opened her big mouth.” He made Ruth turn to him; “What’s wrong with you?” He grabbed her chin to force eye contact; “Look at me when I’m-”

Ruth pushed him.

She didn’t want to look at him.

He chuckled; “Oh now it’s on.”

He grabbed her by the front of her shirt and pulled her up high. Then he let her drop to his and his sister’s amusement.

He gave her a swift kick where she lay; “Just want to mess with me? Don’t want to wait till tomorrow?” A stamp to the ribs. He looked at Bess; “What is this? What’s going on?”

Bess tried to ignore what was happening; “Honestly sir, I don’t know.”

“But you better stop.” Travesty added.

“Do I take orders from you little man? No.” He looked down at Ruth; “Well go on then, say something smart!”

Ruth just lay there.

Seller felt his temper rise. He didn’t like this change. He had told himself he could deal with the marriage – he just had to pretend nothing was different.

But this?

He bent down and grabbed her by the throat; “If you think this is funny….. Do you?” He shook her. “Do you?!”

“Uncle!” Sarah tried to move forward but was stopped by her mother, who was enjoying herself.

He pulled his slave up and held her down against the table; “You think you’re funny huh? Huh?” Ruth was struggling to breath; “You give me a yes or no right now!”

“Stop it.”

Seller ignored the voice; “Go on! Say it!”

Then he felt a punch.

It didn’t hurt but it caught him by surprise, and he let go.

Ruth coughed as the air returned to her lungs.

Adam backed up, his hands still in a fist. He stared at Seller with both fear and anger.

“What is this? How dare you!” Mrs Ban growled.

Tony looked ready to pass out; “Adam, outside….”

“He’s a monster!” Adam found his tongue, pointing at Seller.

“Adam!” James tried to quieten him.

“I’m not scared of you!” Adam yelled at Seller; “You hurt people; you ruin their lives but I’m not scared of you! I can take you if that’s what you want!”

Seller just looked confused.

Ruth pulled herself to her feet and went back to where she had been – her arms folded on the table, staring ahead.

Seller looked at her and then at Adam; “Why are you being so stupid?”

“Why do you do this to her? Her mother’s dead because of you yet you still want to hurt her? Why?”

Silence.

Seller’s throat was dry. He blinked a few times but didn’t feel any better.

“I said why?”

“Sir?” James spoke; “This isn’t his fault.”

Seller turned to Ruth; “What have you been telling these boy’s?” Ruth didn’t respond; “Answer me!”

“I made her talk.”

Seller had lost his confidence; “Why? Why would you ask that?”

“Because he’s a good person.” Adam answered; “He doesn’t hurt people cause he feels guilty, does he?”

Seller took a long moment to recover; “What happened between me and Miss Stevens is none of your concern. So do – you may not speak of this again. Any of you.”

He went over and spoke in her ear; “Breath another word on this to them I promise you I’ll take a knife and gut you open.”

“A knife.” Adam was disgusted; “Just like her mother?”

Seller let go and glared at the boy.

Adam glared back; “I will fight you if you touch her again. Your hands touched her mother, you should think of that before you do so-”

Seller made a rush at him.

Bess, Tony and Sarah ran up and got between them, shielding Adam.

“Man don’t be his judge!” Bess pleaded; “He doesn’t understand!”

“Calm yourself Jonathan!” Travesty begged.

“Oh, he understands!” Mrs Ban declared; “Give him here, I’ll teach him a lesson!”

Seller suddenly seemed to calm down. He turned to Ruth.

She was ignoring the chaos around her.

“Just….” He felt helpless, “What happened in there? What was said?”

James was close to Ruth; “I asked her about her drawings. I kind of…. Made her talk.”

“What did you do?” Sarah’s voice was directed at Seller.

“Don’t you start with me-”

“James?”

“I don’t want her to hear it again-” James gestured to Ruth.

“What did he do?” Sarah demanded an answer from Adam.

“Didn’t you see the pictures Sarah? Didn’t you see for yourself? He did it to Bess; he did it to Ruth’s mother! And he killed her! He shamed that woman, tortured the poor soul – he used a knife, he gutted her - and then left her to die as they set....”

He suddenly remembered Ruth was right there.

Her elbows leaned on the table, one hand resting her face, but she was pretty much still ignoring what was going on – or at least seemed to.

Sarah took the attention of the room; “You set a house on fire while a woman was tied up and unable to move?”

Seller didn’t respond.

Sarah looked at Ruth; “You’re mother Ruth?”

“Yes.” James answered for his friend.

Sarah turned back to her uncle; “And you let her watch? You let a little girl watch her mother be murdered and then you took her away to make her your slave?”

“Don’t do this to me.” Seller muttered.

“I thought the world of you. I prayed every night that you’d live through each day and night so I could see you again. We played piano; don’t you remember? You even taught Adam – why did you do this! Why uncle?”

Adam sniffed; “It’s all just a game to him. That’s all it was.”

Seller now grabbed him by the throat.

“Mr Seller no!” Tony cried in panic.

Seller grinned; “What’s the matter Tony? You and Tara can get another lamb anyhow!”

A loud bang from the table stopped the drama.

Ruth, with a calm expression stabbed at John Ban’s picture with the kitchen knife. Then she pulled it out and ripped it with her hands. Glass was all over the table.

Adam pulled away and hid behind his father. Seller didn’t even reach for him. He was frozen.

“What the hell are you doing?!” Mrs Ban yelled and she reached for her husband’s photo.

What was left of it.

Mrs Ban began to weep.

Ruth played with the glass; “Remarkably weak glass for something so special to a family…..”

She noticed everyone was staring. Then she looked straight at Seller;

“I didn’t think much of it.”

Mrs Ban’s sobbing got louder.

Ruth just frowned at her; “Are you all going to stop now?” then she pointed at a terrified Adam; “Leave him be. He doesn’t even know how to tie his laces yet.” Then she went back to playing with the glass, ignoring the cuts she received on her fingers.

“Sir, I can deal with this.” Tony didn’t sound so sure.

“Blaggard……” Mrs Ban muttered through her sobs; “I want her whipped!”

That seemed to wake Seller; “Annie, I’ll deal with it.”

“You say that! You always say that, yet this beast keeps finding ways to get to you. Why do you put up with it?”

“She has a name!” Sarah responded.

“You shut up!”

“Sarah.”

Sarah looked at Ruth.

Ruth was still playing with the glass; “Thank you but please stay out of this.”

Sarah felt a tug from Travesty who then nodded for her to stand back. It was an already tense situation; her mouth would only make things worse.

“Her name is Miss Ban!” Mrs Ban suddenly snarled.

Ruth ignored her. She’d found the biggest piece and seemed mesmerised by her own reflection.

“My heart is hurting because of you. Do you not realise how much suffering you’ve caused just by you being here?” Mrs Ban went up to her brother’s slave; “That might have been a funny little joke to you, but this picture was a very dear thing to my family. It was the only one I had left of my husband! My daughter’s father! You’re master’s brother-in-law! And now we have nothing from him – I have nothing left!”

“Annie, you’re making a fool of yourself.” Seller tried to silent his sister. Then he turned to Ruth; “You. You will go to my room and wait for me there. We’ll be talking about this episode.”

“A talk?” Mrs Ban sounded annoyed; “Just a talk?”

Seller sighed heavily; “Annie, stay out of this.”

“She destroyed my property – that’s a hanging error! I don’t care if I see her body swing but I’d be happy with just seeing a few cuts to the skin!”

She then looked at Ruth. Ruth was just ignoring the drama now.

Angered, Mrs Ban went up and grabbed her by the shirt before slapping her to the ground; “What the hell did you plan to achieve by this? To spite me and your master? Just because you have no one? Because you don’t even care about anyone but yourself? Were you saddened that you brought nothing on board to remember your own parents? Is that why you did what you did? Just to spite me because you couldn’t even bring anything to hold on to for your family? Just left yourself with your own memories of how you disgraced them and left them to their fates? Just thought of yourself and let them suffer?”

Bess was openly sobbing.

Seller felt compelled to step in; “Annie, I’ll deal with it.”

“Pathetic. That’s all she is Jonathan-”

“Can we stop? Can you stop? Can you leave her alone now-”

“I need to get this off my chest!”

Ruth got up and staggered where she stood. She put her hand on the table to steady herself.

Mrs Ban grabbed the biggest piece of glass on the table and slashed Ruth in the face. Ruth stayed still, ignoring the blood.

The older woman’s voice was quiet as she pulled Ruth close; “Your mother was no doubt a troubled poor soul – or a lazy slut running around the town looking for any man. How else would you explain her waiting there for your master? Why did she let him in? Do you know why girl? Because she wanted it.”

Seller let out an involuntary gasp.

Ruth just seemed to ignore the woman.

“I take it from your silence that you agree with me?”

Seller went over, grabbed Ruth and pushed her away from his sister; “Let’s go!”

“Was your father cruel to her?” Mrs Ban now yelled; “Is that why she let him in? I’ve no doubt she walked the streets of your village hoping against all hope that someone would take a woman who mothered three brats away - away from him and away from you. A common whore was all she was.”

“I said let’s go!” Seller told his slave.

Ruth didn’t move.

And for once, Seller didn’t seem to want to yell or hurt her. He’s hands shook and he struggled with what words he wanted to say.

Mrs Ban opened her mouth again; “You...”

“Annie.” Seller meant it; “You said too much.”

Ruth gave a strange, sad smile; “I miss the snow.”

Everyone stared at the slave girl.

She went back to the table; “Anyone else seen snow? It’s cold. But a nice cold. It used to hurt my hands, but I didn’t care.”

She picked up the knife she had used. It was small but sharp. She let it twirl on the table; “It used to land on the grass and sometimes it was so high, you could just see the top of my head. Father would put me on his shoulders, that was the best part. I thought I was flying.” She turned to Seller; “You know, I hate the sun. It burns my skin. My arm was all red that night; you remember? That’s why it hurt when you took it – it wasn’t just hurt in here,” She gestured to her chest; “still, if it did snow that day, I wouldn’t see any white anyway.” She suddenly noticed everyone’s eyes; “Why’s everyone looking at me that way?” Then she saw Bess’s tears; “Why are you crying? Joel’s right there, talk to him. I can’t help you. I tried.”

She looked down at her right, the knife in her left, stamped her feet a little then tightened her face as if in pain.

Seller was lost; “What do I do?” He even looked at James for help.

“Ruth?” James tried. “What are you thinking?”

“Useless things…” Ruth didn’t look at him; “I’m always thinking about it but I’ve never…. Let it overcome me till’ now.”

“What did you do to her?” Seller asked James.

“He wasn’t there when it happened.” Ruth responded as if that was obvious. “He didn’t do anything. He didn’t know me-”

“I’m not asking that!” He took her shoulder; “Now let’s go!”

Ruth slashed at his arm with the knife. He howled and let go. Ruth watched him as he groaned and swore and then looked at her knife.

“Oh God….” Bess was petrified.

“Annie, stay where you are!” Seller knew his sister wanted to kill his slave right there and now.

“Adam.” Tony spoke to his son.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for any of this I swear!” Adam pleaded.

“Get out!”

Adam left in a hurry. No one tried to stop him.

Seller tried to calm down; “Have you gone mad girl?”

Ruth just stared at him. Then at the blood on the knife.

Seller gestured to James; “Talk to her! Make her drop that thing!”

“Ruth.” James was shaking; “_Cuir sìos e_”

Ruth looked at him; “But…. Don’t you think I can go deeper?”

Her eyes terrified James.

She looked at Seller; “Don’t you think so?”

Seller too seemed put off by her eyes; “Put it down. Now.”

“Pull out those things from my own stomach? Cut off two fingers from each hand before I can’t hold onto the knife anymore. Maybe dig deep with my own hands to pull out all the blood I hold?”

“You just….”

“Mother had a lot of blood…. Still had the energy to scream.” Her hand went to her head; “I have these thoughts….” Her breathing suddenly got louder and she struggled to control it; “If I could stomach doing so I’d make you feel the same pain you put her through….”

Finally, tears.

This was a strange sight indeed for everyone. No one in the room, not even Tony, had seen this girl cry.

Despite her tears, Ruth felt calmer; “But she… she wouldn’t want that – and I don’t want that. But why’d you do it, why didn’t I stop you, why did I let you do that?”

“You know I can easily take that off you?” Seller did his best to ignore his own feelings; “You know what I can do to you once I get that off you?”

“I saw.” Ruth responded, “And I keep seeing it every time I sleep and I…. I want it to stop.”

“Then don’t bring it up and stop talking.”

“Sir, you bring it up nearly every day. Every day, you tease me by calling me the same name she screamed as the flames took her. And I can’t do anything but remember that. And I remember everything. She told you that if you had any good left in you, you would protect me and make sure I was out of danger. She made you promise before you left her and took me. And now, I’ve never been out of danger since that very day, I wake up from dreams of that moment, and the one thing I’ve forgotten is to wake up and feel safe.” She felt a fresh wave of water from her eyes; “And now I don’t even know if I’m going to survive after this. And what will you do? Nothing. There’s no….. Goodness in you. When I think I’ve seen something, it goes away and I’ve tried to find it but there’s nothing. I might be gone by tomorrow. And that’s your promise broken. You can live with that, you don’t care, but I’m just telling you that.”

She had silenced him. 

She didn’t notice her own victory, or else, didn’t enjoy it; “Do I have your permission to leave sir?”

He nodded.

She ignored the concerned faces of her ally’s and left.

She heard Mrs Ban scream in anger as she started to walk upstairs to the deck.

\-----

Translation:

_Cuir sìos e_ – put it down.


	35. Summons

Ruth didn’t remember going up on deck but here she was.

She wondered why the sun was still up when surely it was the end of the day.

Maybe it wasn’t and it was just a hope.

The remains of the fire that had killed poor Seth were still there. She couldn’t look at it. Fairly, Lesley and Marston were scrubbing away – no slaves except her to be seen.

This truly was an unusual day.

She looked at the bloody knife in her hand….

_Don’t. Don’t you dare. You know I’d slap you myself if I could. Put that down._

_You stupid little girl. You do realise what you’ve done don’t you? Ten years Ruth! You had ten years to allow yourself to grieve. I told you it was alright to be sad did I not? A few tears would have helped you in the past. Why are you still fighting?_

_Are you scared? You should be. I’m scared too. Seller doesn’t know what to do – you know that? What about you? Can you think clearly for once and think – just think for once – what are you going to do?_

“You alright there?”

Lesley was walking past when she saw the blooded knife, the gash on the girl’s cheek and the tears.

“Tears water our growth….” Ruth muttered.

“Ruth?”

Ruth just looked at her and handed it over. Then she sat down.

“What’s wrong?” Lesley bent down.

“Had a bad day.” Ruth answered.

“You’re not the only one.” Lesley was kind; “Isaac slept in, everyone hates your Master and the Captain wants Fairly whipped for no reason. And of course, poor Bess. She’s the one who’s had the hardest day.”

Ruth had to agree.

“Where did you get this?” Lesley pointed at the knife.

“The Galley.”

“And did you cut your face?”

“No.”

“Care to tell me?”

Ruth shook her head.

Lesley sighed; “Well make sure Dr Roberts sees it. It looks like you might need stitches.”

That was not a nice thought.

Ruth decided to move on as Marston called Lesley over. Without the knife in her hands, she didn’t feel all that safe. At the same time, she was glad not to look at it.

The sun had set a little. It must have been – Ruth looked at the sky – at least four o’clock. She wondered how long she had.

“Miss Stevens?”

She looked around to see Catherine staring.

“Are you alright? You look hurt.”

Ruth scratched the back of her head; “James says it’s alright to cry but I can’t stop holding back. Why is that? He said it would do me some good......”

“Do you want me to get him?”

Ruth nodded. She didn’t want anyone, but James at least had some understanding of what she was going through. She wasn’t quite sure what she was going through – but he would know.

Catherine meanwhile felt a sense of darkness but wasn’t sure why. Ruth had never shown any interest in her, but she herself both pitied and feared her. She had seen the different sides to the girl – the shyness, the unpredictable anger, the bravery and the self-destruction. Her father had called the slave an imbecile. She was anything but.

She started to head downstairs when she heard a thunder of footsteps. Then there was Bess’s face – wet with tears and tight with anxiety;

“Cathy – where is she?”

Catherine was surprised by Bess’s urgency; “She’s just over there, Miss Driscoll-” Bess was off; “Mr Travesty – Anthony…” She managed to get Sarah to stop; “What’s going on?”

Sarah just looked at her.

Catherine understood; “I’ll speak to father.”

_Look._

_Behind you._

_See how many people want to help?_

Ruth saw Bess.

Panic hit her and she backed up; “I can’t help you, I’m sorry…”

The next thing she knew, Bess had grabbed her.

“Where’s the knife?”

Ruth hands were shaking; “Miss Dodd’s took it.”

“Are you sure?”

Ruth’s eyes saw the others. Then she saw the fear and worry in Bess’s eyes.

She tried to break free; “I can’t help you-”

Bess tried to hold her, but Ruth kept muttering “no” and struggling.

Bess tried to hide her fear; “You have to come with me now. Annette is reporting you right now.”

“Where is she going to go?” Catherine was serious; “The first place they’ll look is from you.”

“There’s no point in trying.” Ruth mumbled; “It’s easier for some. I wish I could hide – everyone keeps finding me.”

“Do you not understand what I mean by “reporting”?” Bess couldn’t hide her impatience and worry now; “You’ll get hurt!”

“I don’t think you can help really,” was the mumbled reply.

“He isn’t in his office, but I’ll find him.” Catherine promised before she disappeared.

James could feel everyone silently pleading with him to talk. To do something.

He went up to her.

And he spoke in Scots Gaelic; “_I’m sorry. We should have just tried to hide_.”

Her brain and soul rejoiced and for a moment, she forgot her mood; “_I couldn’t control myself. That’s not your fault.”_

“What are you saying?” Bess demanded; “What is she saying?”

_“Can you stay with me?”_ Ruth asked James.

_“I will if I can.”_

_“I don’t want her to hear….” _Ruth gestured with her eyes towards Bess; “_I don’t think I’m getting out of this unscathed. Maybe even alive.”_

“What is she saying?!” Bess again shouted.

_“She’s suffered enough.”_

_“What should I tell them? About what happened? They’ll want to know what we said.”_

_“Tell them the truth. Adam pretty much told them anyway.”_

Tony now got between them; “The pair of you, stop this. I heard my sons name – what are you saying?”

James looked at Ruth. She just nodded.

“I asked if it was alright to tell you all what happened in the Cargo Hold – what me and Adam found out.”

“Right now, we’re more worried she’s going to get killed.”

“She also doesn’t want Bess to hear her, she said she’s suffered enough.”

Bess, for once, was silent.

“I’m afraid she won’t rest until you’re safe my child.” Travesty answered for his love; “She may be afraid of Seller, but she’ll fight for you.”

Bess found her voice; “How could you shut us up and bare it all alone?

“To avoid this nonsense really.” Ruth answered in English.

“Miss Stevens.”

Captain Hood was just standing there.

“Come with me.”

Seller suddenly appeared behind him; “Richard, I said I’d deal with it!”

“And I agree. But you and this girl will now come with me. Now.” He turned to Bess; “Mr Seller has also renounced his marriage and as a result, he is no longer Quartermaster and you are not to go near him or any of the male pirates if you value your life.” To Seller; “Bring the girl.”

Hood left them.

Bess gave Seller a look; “Jonathan?”

Seller just nodded.

“You better save her.” Bess was serious; “Do anything you can – don’t break your promise!”

Seller looked at Ruth.

Ruth was focused on her fingers.

Seller reached over and grabbed her shoulder; “I’ll try Bess.”

“You will.” Sarah rather aggressively answered.


	36. Captain's Quarters

** _Oh God, oh sweet Jesus, look upon us now, protect this poor girl from death._ **

_I don’t remember hearing you pray._

** _What am I supposed to do?_ **

_Do what you can._

Hood solemnly watched on as Seller brought his slave in.

Marston, Fairly and Mrs Ban were also in the room. Seller’s sister looked excited. The men just looked uncomfortable.

“Welcome you both.” Hood said, “Marston, lock the door.”

Marston obeyed. Ruth could smell dead fish on him as he went past. She hated that smell.

And she didn’t like this room. Too…. Colourful. Not like the other rooms.

Even Seller’s room was preferable to this.

“First of all, I’ve asked Fairly and Marston to be witnesses. Since Tony was involved, I’m not asking him to represent the slave – and to be frank, I hear she can speak for herself.” Hood sat at his desk; “So tell me, what happened in the Galley today Jonathan?”

Seller looked at his sister. He guessed correctly she had told him everything.

He cleared his throat; “My slave had a break down. She’s calmer now as you can see though.”

“She used her knife on your arm.”

“By accident.”

“And I see you’re willing to defend her. Why?”

Hood was too quick sometimes. He must not have been drinking for a few days.

** _Dahm it._ **

“Richard, I told Annie I’d deal with this. Miss Stevens and I are going to sleep away what happened today, and I’ll summon her to my room.”

“And do what exactly?”

“Nothing.” Annie responded.

“I use my belt – I just don’t make a song and dance of it!” Jonathan snarled at his sister.

“Why in your privacy Jonathan?” Hood asked.

“What happens between my slave and I, stays between us.”

“Isn’t that what you said about Bess?”

“Bess was different.”

“You did the same, if not worse…. Towards your mother, Miss Stevens?”

Ruth, holding herself, didn’t respond.

“You what?” Marston was horrified.

Hood grinned when he saw the girl’s hands go to her ears; “Marston. Quiet – Miss Stevens. Answer me.”

““What’s gone and what’s past help, should be past grief”.”

Hood let out a chuckle; “An educated savage – is that what draw you to the mother?”

Seller felt his face burn.

Ruth glared; “My mother was not educated.”

_Cheek._

_But true._

“Just her looks was it Seller?”

“I won’t discuss my past behaviors.” Seller grunted.

“We are.” Hood went firm; “You past behavior with Bess does make me pause with concern. I’m no expert on the Scottish but I should think even they would be horrified if you were to expose yourself to someone of such young age.”

“I don’t do that.”

“Miss Stevens?” Hood looked at Ruth.

She shook her head; she did not feel comfortable talking.

“Your method clearly isn’t working with this one. I’ve heard things from Annie – about the backtalk, the cheek – the damage to property. John Ban’s picture and frame was destroyed. Annie has no other picture until we go back to England.”

“I said _sir_ that I would think about it. Rest assured, she won’t be let off.”

Hood pursed his lips; “Well I’ll be making sure of that.”

Seller felt fear.

Ruth seemed to be off in her own thoughts as she studied Marston’s shoes.

“Marston.” Hood gave the order.

Marston awkwardly advanced towards the girl he had been unkind to for a while.

Seller panicked; “Sir, I don’t want any harm being done in this room!”

“Fairly is my Quartermaster now Seller. You have no say to what I want to do.”

“Hello Mr Marston.”

Ruth’s voice seemed airy as she finally noticed the one-eyed man with rope in his hands.

Marston refused to look at her; “Give me your wrists.”

Ruth let him take them; “We talked yesterday about America. You said you missed your mother. Despite everything she did to you, you miss her. You asked about mine, but I wouldn’t tell you. I suppose you know now right? I suppose everyone knows now.”

Marston had tied her wrists; “Yes.”

“Tighter.” Hood ordered.

Ruth didn’t seem to hear; “Why do you look so sad?” She visibly flinched as the rope cut into her skin.

“Not that tight!” Seller yelled.

“Jonathan.” Hood was firm; “I will happily just shoot the girl if you don’t show some respect to your fellow crew members.”

Fairly spoke up; “He’s right Marston, loosen it a little.”

Hood glared at him as Marston was happy to obey.

“I wish we could be friends.” Ruth felt better.

Marston kept his eyes on the ground.

“_Grief is like fear isn’t it? Maybe I’ve never really been scared.” _Ruth wondered.

“What did she say?” Hood asked.

“It’s just that awful language – probably insulting you Captain.” Annie responded.

Hood came close; “Miss Stevens, may I ask you not to speak in your foreign language.”

It was not a question.

She frowned; “English is my foreign language.”

He grinned; “Very clever girl.” His grin faded; “So what are we to do with you?”

“She needs to suffer!”

Hood turned to Annie, a little annoyed at her excitement; “Needs too?”

“That girl has brought nothing but ruin to our beloved Captain.”

Hood rolled his eyes.

Marston looked at her; “Where’s your heart Annie?”

“I don’t parade it like some one-eyed man who pretends to be Arab.”

Fairly lost his temper; “What’s the matter Annie? Was your mother too hard on you?”

Seller silently gestured to Ruth to go behind him. She did, slowly.

“Don’t you bring up the dead!”

“No. Your father. I remember Jonathan talking about it once. He used to do some things to you that made your brother kill him. It was his first murder. Captain Hood encouraged him to do it and then he ran away to sea. Your mother thought it was you at first, didn’t she? But then she knew and couldn’t stop what her husband was doing to you could she?”

“Jonathan, tell him to stop!”

“She’s lame, isn’t she? She’d try to get up and she couldn’t so all she could do was cry and beg the Holy virgin to save you. She never did. I wish your father had finished you, I know Jonathan feels the same way now and then.”

Mrs Ban howled and ran out.

It was suddenly a lot quieter.

“Thank you Fairly.” Hood turned to find Ruth had move behind Seller; “Jonathan, it would be better for you both if you let me say and do my piece.”

He picked up some more rope and in seconds, he had made a noose.

“Sir. Please.” Jonathan found himself pleading.

Hood nodded at the two pirates.

Seller found himself being overpowered by Fairly and Marston. He was on his knees, a barrel from a small gun to his face.

“Say a word. Marston will shoot you right in the head.”

Ruth was on her own.

“How many pirates have you seen been hanged Miss Stevens?”

Ruth blinked at him.

No response.

“Probably a dozen I should say.” Hood circled her; “John Ban was hanged, and we witnessed it from our ship. You’ve seen the way the English hang their criminals. It’s cruel is it not?”

Ruth looked at Seller.

Then at Marston and Fairly.

“Answer me!” Hood was losing his patience.

“It’s your fault.”

He heard a whisper; “I’m sorry?”

“It was your fault. You told him to take George with him and you left them both. You wanted them both gone.”

George Stephenson. The only other pirate who was with Seller the night Ruth lost her parents to survive a year after. He suffered from many nightmares, threatened to have Hood murdered in his sleep – and so Hood organized that he be left behind to be caught and hanged.

And John was a liability from the start. Abusive towards his wife and always drinking, Hood saw it as a perfect opportunity to get rid of the “load”.

Hood was now silent.

Then he turned to Seller; “So you told Miss Stevens about that?”

“He didn’t.” Ruth answered; “I heard you talking about it to him once. My Master asked if he was supposed to warn Ban, but you said no. It had “worked itself out””.

Hood looked at her; “And did it look painful to you?”

No response.

Hood sighed in frustration; “I admire your patience with this one Mr Seller.” He picked up a hood; “Does she give you this much trouble?”

Seller tried to joke; “This is her on her best behavior.”

The gun seemed to get closer to his face.

The Captain now held the hood high and tried to put it over the slave’s head, but Ruth visibly panicked and backed off.

“Marston.”

Marston took the hood and took the rope; “It’s alright pal-”

“I don’t like the dark.” Ruth struggled; “It’ll hurt.”

“Do you want us to see your tears?” Marston could barely hide his anxiety; “Just stay still.”

“Do you want that tone to be the last one you used?” Fairly muttered; “Get on with it.”

Marston managed. Just. And Ruth just stood there. Breathing heavily.

Hood put the noose around her neck. He pulled her down to the ground and tightened it.

Marston turned away.

Seller noticed the gun go down and Fairly also turning away.

“Not much of a squirmier, are you?” Hood muttered, both impressed and disappointed. He tightened the rope.

Seller knew his slave was struggling for breath.

Her legs twitched and with her hands bound, she could not fight back.

He had to do something now.

To hell if it meant his own life would be paid.

He pushed Fairly away and stuck his own Captain hard.

“Jonathan!” Fairly was both relieved and horrified.

Hood fought back; “You urchin! You -”

“Father!”

The Captain stopped.

Catherine marched up to him;

“You said the weak-minded must be pitied. She can die from this!”

The Captain looked at Seller.

Seller was at his slave’s side, cutting the rope and had pulled of the hood. She was barely conscious.

“I want that girl’s back to be well marked or her mouth sewn shut.” Hood recovered his tongue; “Bread and water for the month.” He turned to Fairly; “And you are no longer Quartermaster for letting him do that!”

Fairly wasn’t unhappy; “Yes sir.”

“Get out all of you.” Catherine tried to follow them out; “Cathy, stay here.”

“No.” His daughter shook her head; “I don’t want to talk to you right now.”

He gritted his teeth but said nothing.

There was a crowd waiting for them on deck. Seller and Ruth said nothing – he went straight to his room while she didn’t seem to know what to do.

She found herself being held by Bess who kept asking if she was hurt.

She found she couldn’t answer.

“Seller saved her.” Marston said, telling the others what had happened. Ruth didn’t hear anything.

Her head hurt. And so did her neck.

Then she felt herself being shaken. More angry voices.

“My brothers suffered enough because of you. We told him never to live with his guilt and he listened to us. He could have lived the rest of his life without that weakness if it weren’t for you! My husband told him so! You would remember my husband very well – he tried to smother you. He should have finished the job.”

She vaguely remembered Sarah losing not just her patience ,but her temper and a brawl between stepmother and daughter began.

Of all people - Sarah Hudson.

The world had gone mad.

As the noise seemed to escalate, she thought of Seller.

They never should have laid eyes on each other.

She had to tell him - Tell him he needed to forget.

“Golly! Look at the girl!” She heard someone shout.

Darkness claimed her.


	37. Regrets

Sarah had already won her battle of the blows against the woman she was supposed to call her mother. And she heard Lesley’s shout and ran to her friend.

James was already there but he was getting no response. Doctor Roberts was called and by the rules of the ship, so was her Uncle.

Seller showed concern for his nieces battered face and looked white as a sheet when he saw his slave lying, unresponsive on Robert’s table. He did not care about his sister.

Bess was back in hysterics again. She no longer feared Seller, she feared Ruth was dying and the girl hated her for her treatment. Only Travesty tried to calm her. The rest were too depressed or agreed with her fears to help.

Adam was still in hiding. Tony kept him in his office and told not a soul where his son was.

Mrs Ban had demanded action against her own daughter. Hood however, was tired of the drama and told her to get out of his sight. No one else listened to her. Seller told his niece to either hide in his own room or go with Catherine who offered her support.

Ruth had awoken. But she had yet to speak.

And when given her bag, she didn’t even open it. She just left it in the doctor’s room and sat on the ground, drawing the ground with her finger.

James stayed with her, ignoring his mistress’s demands that he return to work. He was paranoid something bad was going to happen if he left her alone.

Two weeks past. The foul mood onboard was not as strong as before. But Ruth still hadn’t spoken or even picked up a quill to draw.

Seller himself hadn’t spoken much. Not even when Hood reluctantly gave him his position back. He went to see both Travesty and Dr Roberts and complained about bad dreams. He hadn’t even tried to abuse or humiliate Ruth.

And James was back at work but he and Sarah spent their time observing their silent friend. They would try to get her to speak – James even tried Gaelic – but she never reacted.

“What has happened?” Sarah openly asked; “It wasn’t as bad as this before.”

James remembered; “The dog?”

“She was drawing and still eating – she’s not doing anything here!”

Emmet and Kayser appeared and rather sheepishly said that James was wanted by Seller.

“I’ll be here.” Sarah promised – meaning she would protect Ruth in his absence.

He smiled sadly and left.

“Ruth?” Emmet was cautious; “Sorry if I’ve ever gone to far.”

No response. Not even a look.

James went to Seller’s room. He didn’t bother to knock. He didn’t care to show politeness to a man who had harmed on his best friends.

Seller, at his piano and writing down some composition, didn’t seem to mind anyhow; “Still nothing from her?”

“No.”

Seller played a few notes. Wrote some more down and then closed his piano; “I’ll try not to keep you long. I know you want to go back and check on her.” He had a drink; “I just want to know what exactly happened before that breakdown.”

“Everyone had done something to her that day. But in the Cargo Hold….. Sarah found her drawings and she – Ruth attacked her – I held her back and I….. She told me what happened... And Adam was there, he heard everything.”

“Maybe should have just kept her in the Hold for her own safety.” Seller muttered. “Why did you make her talk? What the hell did you think you could achieve?”

“I didn’t “make” her say anything-”

“Do you even know who you’re dealing with? This girl is feeble minded, you can’t just ask her about the past!”

James wasn’t afraid; “How is that different to using your hands against her? Don’t you use her past against her? Whose fault was it that she’s here and not back home? And why are you acting like you care? You don’t care! What sort of man does that to a woman and then takes her child off to slavery? And to joke about it just to cause even more pain to a vulnerable girl? What kind of man are you?”

“Do you think I’m proud about what I did? Do you think I’m proud that I traumatised a little girl by what I did?”

James reluctantly decided to let him talk; “What’s your side then?”

“It was others as well. Four of us. Hood ordered a raid and the farm was the first place we came to. I had two inexperienced pirates who were just begging for blood. An older man opened the door and they ganged up on him, blood everywhere almost immediately. Two boys – crying murder - ran out – one of them fled into the corn, one pirate shot that way and we heard nothing more - and the other boy fell at our feet, crying for his mother. I heard her screaming in there so I went in.”

“And you just let the darkness out?”

“That’s a mild way of saying it.”

“She said your fingers were covered in blood. You had a knife. You used your tongue?”

“I destroyed that poor woman. I threatened her life; I did things a woman wouldn’t accept money for anyone to do to her. And she sobbed and sobbed and then she suddenly stopped. Her daughter was just behind me and I turn around as I was unbuttoning......... You know, she didn’t look scared. It was like an angel had just appeared and was judging me with her eyes.”

“You both told her to leave and she wouldn’t.”

“She didn’t want to leave her mother. I had to pick her up myself – my hands stained her clothes.” Seller’s tone showed his shame; “I looked back and I swear.... she was so weak I thought she was dead already. The little girl only struggled once but then she clung to me shaking. She didn’t say a word. Then I nodded at one of the men who was carrying a stick with fire on it. And that was that.”

“Ruth said she was screaming her name. The one she doesn’t like you saying. For good reason.”

“You’re determined to paint me as a villain, aren’t you? What else am I?” Another drink; “I promised that woman I wouldn’t get her killed.”

“She told you to take care of her?”

“No. I promised her I wouldn’t get her killed.”

“So you can beat her, humiliate her and tease her about what she saw but you can’t kill her.”

Seller sighed; “You should have been here a long time ago. Not even Travesty or Bess has spoken to me like you have.”

“What about Sarah?”

“Sarah’s tried but she’s always been afraid of me. You – You would do anything to help your friends. You’ve done a better job for that girl than I have and it sounds crazy – but I’m grateful to you.” Another drink; “Annie’s asked for a meeting of celebration, claiming the Lord spared her from Sarah’s fists. Travesty thankfully said no. She now wants me to kill my own slave,” he mimicked her voice; “my husband could have finished her off easily if you hadn’t walked in.”

“You’ve saved her before?”

“John Ban was a bastard. I was away on this ship two years. Come back and my sister had married. John fucked his own slave – Hudson – we had to protect the woman from my sister just so Sarah could be birthed. And then he joined the crew. He was much worse to Ruth than I ever was. Bess, myself and Tony protected her from him.”

“What happened?”

“Me of course. Fran – the slave girl, remember her? We slept together and she told the whole ship I had raped her. Fran was good friends with Bess and Tony and they ignored my pleas of innocence. I never lied about that. With Bes, I admit that was forced. But Fran was a sweet girl and I wanted to believe I could treat a girl well. The only person I felt safe to throw my frustration at the world was the little girl I had picked up that night. Then when John was hanged, I became the number one enemy.”

James didn’t know what to say.

Seller continued to rant; "Everyone in this fucking prison is a monster! Not just me! Everyone! Look what we did! Look at what we did!"

There was a silence.

"James? Did you know Hood was a member of your Grandfather’s crew? He told me stories about the man you know. You heard any of them?"

"I heard." 

"He taught Hood everything he knew – how to manage a ship – how to kill without mercy..... If Hood hadn’t have mutinied, I’d be lying dead back home but no, I’m here. And because of that she’s here."

James felt a lump in his throat; "You feel remorse?"

"I don't know what you call it. Pain."

"Guilt perhaps?"

"I don’t know. I don’t know....." He sighed; "Go on. I've kept you long enough."


	38. A Kiss

James found Sarah on deck and in a panic. Ruth was nowhere to be seen.

“I turned around.” Sarah was in tears; “And then she was gone.”

James felt fear but hid it; “It’s alright. We’ll find her.”

“James. I’m so sorry. I needn’t mean to cause this. All of this. What happened then-”

“This would have happened anyway.”

“I was the final nail. The final straw.”

“James!”

It was Kayser.

“Ruth’s downstairs. I just saw her wandering around. Do you want me to try and find her again?”

“Please.” James had to comfort Sarah; “She’s still alive.”

“But she won’t speak. How many days must we wait? She doesn’t feel safe yet.” Sarah reached for her ears, the same way Ruth did when anxiety took over; “How can she? Oh my God, what have I done?”

James held her; “You’re one of the kinder voices she knows.”

“I scolded her so much-”

“But never out of spite. If anything, you care so much about her that she doesn’t fear you. I felt safer watching you care for her the way you did and I felt she had a chance because of people like Joel, Bess, Tony and you. You’re worried that you frightened her but she always respected you. If she was afraid of you, she wouldn’t have sat there joking with and about you and she wouldn’t have asked for advice. You did so much before I came. You just didn’t see.”

“How could they?” Sarah sobbed.

“That woman isn’t your mother.” James guessed correctly who she was thinking of.

“But uncle..... My uncle’s a monster. Why did he treat me so well yet...? Why didn’t I see it when I met her? I should have known. I look back at our conversations together and I know she was trying to tell me…. Why didn’t I try to understand her? I don’t have your patience.”

“You couldn’t have changed anything.”

Sarah seemed to calm down. She wiped her eyes dry and looked at him;

“James, I think I lost what’s left of my family. I don’t want to be alone like Ruth.”

“You can stay with me.” James promised.

They embraced.

Kissed once.

Held each other tighter.

They didn’t notice Ruth had long since returned and was watching them.

She heard Sarah sob once more.

And saw James hold her closer.

And heard another kiss.

She had to smile. It looked nice.

She remembered reading a scene like this with her father.....

Her smile faded.

Suddenly it wasn't such a nice scene to watch.

She didn’t want to be there anymore. She went back downstairs.

"I'm sorry. " James apologized once they relaxed.

"It's fine." Sarah was calm; "Just too much bottled up. Thank you for putting up with that." She smiled; "I'm glad you care for me just as much as I've always cared for you." She chuckled; "That bloody girl brought us together and I... Perhaps selfishly thought you were more into her but it was just your kindness telling you she needed a real friend."

"I care for Ruth like a brother." James admitted; "I would mourn her as family if something were to happen. And I would do the same if not more for you."

"Am I being selfish admitting that?"

"No." James looked around; "We should find her."

Sarah agreed. They went downstairs, holding hands for the first time.


	39. Reminiscing

Seller felt very ill at ease.

He ripped up his own composition and left his room. The walls felt like they were closing in.

He found himself in the Cargo Hold. No one was there. He could hear the rats scurrying as he lit a candle to see.

Then he felt a presence.

This was the last thing he wanted.

** _What the hell do you want?_ **

_You nearly broke your promise Mr Seller._

** _I know._ **

_It dahm well better not happen again._

The voice he imagined never seemed to leave him alone. He was haunted by it ever since he had taken the girl on board.

** _I can’t control that girl._ **

_That’s no excuse –_

**What, because you could? You could tell her to stop crying and she’s stop –**

_My child –_

** _You hurt that girl long before I came along._ **

For a moment, Seller heard silence. He took a chair and sat down. His head felt lighter.

_I didn’t mean too._

**_That’s no excuse. _**Seller gritted his teeth. **_Wasn’t she your child? How could you?_**

_She was a small timid child. Very frail – so frail that she was constantly ill. There was one time that our minister was already planning her funeral and then suddenly she was up and about as if nothing had happened. She wanted to play in the mud. Old Kate called her a little miracle._

** _And you resisted it. Your husband was ill one time in your married life and he couldn’t fight._ **

_..... Yes._

He took a long drink of the bottle he had brought with him.

** _He was your rock wasn’t he? A good man?_ **

_A good man. I lost my husband to a fever only five months before my child lost her mother. Kate looked after the boys while I grieved but didn’t have the space for Ruth. She didn’t understand where her Daddy had gone. She didn’t cry like her brothers even at the funeral. She didn’t grasp that the body in that coffin was her father. She drew pictures for him to see but looked confused when I told her – God knows who many times – that he was dead. No he couldn’t see your pictures. Why do you even bother?_

_She said; “I’ll give it him when he comes back.”_

_“Ruthie. Your father isn’t coming back. I’ve told you that. Your brothers understand that, why can’t you?”_

_“He has too. Who’s going to make you happy?”_

_“It’s not going to be you.”_

_“Have I done something wrong? Mother?”_

_I lost it there; “Can you not see I’m upset? Can you not look at me and see that I don’t need your constant whining? Go to your room and stay there.”_

_She didn’t ask for her Daddy after that. But she still made pictures that were obviously meant for him. She stopped talking to her brothers as her constant need to draw took up many an hour._

_My own bother Allistaire took over our farm and taught the boys more about the land and what to grow and keep the crops and look after the animals – and that selfish girl just sat there drawing. And drawing and drawing._

Seller suddenly noticed something in the corner of his eye.

He got up, investigated and found the remains of a drawing.

He knew that drawing. He guessed correctly it was the same one Sarah had accidentally destroyed.

He waved it in the air; **_She still draws._**

_I know._

** _Maybe she was too scared to show her tears. You were certainly vocal about your dislike for them. Maybe her drawings – maybe that’s her way of getting some of the hurt out?_ **

_I didn’t see it that way._

** _You let it bother you. You let your grief spill over to cruelty at times. You made that girl suffer right up until I came._ **

_Yes._

Seller felt a little better. He went back to his seat and observed the piece of paper.

** _ When did you stop?_ **

_My husband got the children on the list to go to a school that would teach for free. He was a brilliant teacher – it’s one of the reasons Ruth knows a lot of things she didn’t need to know - but he thought they needed to bond more with the local children – especially his daughter. They missed a whole month after he died so they had a lot of catching up to do. The teacher was a man named Cowie. He was a strict but fair teacher and the boys learned the hard way to respect him. Ruth was always eager to please and whilst she was brilliant at her studies, she shied away from the other children. She wouldn’t dare sing in their little choir either. She just wouldn’t talk to them. At least that’s what I thought she was doing. I learned after we parted that the reason she wasn’t making any friends was because all the children gave her the cold shoulder. Her brothers didn’t help. One boy called her names. Pushed her and told lies to Mr Cowie to try and get her in trouble – always failing because the teacher knew Ruth was a good child. It sounds silly to you perhaps but for Ruth, this was torture. I had to force her out of the house each day and her brothers would drag her the rest of the way. She never said what was wrong and I never tried to find out._

_The first day, the children were outside the school on their morning break when Ruth was deliberately locked out by the same boy. Any child still outside would have been strapped and my child – she just decided to go home rather than face her teacher. It was a cold day but we saw the sun behind those misty clouds. I was out that day helping my brother in the fields and I had my lunch out there, so I didn’t come home until around 5 o’clock in the evening and I saw my boys and the teacher at the front door. She was inside playing with that bloody dog, deaf to the knocks on the door._

_I was harsh. Very harsh. I remember storming in once I heard what she’d done and smacking her legs and ears as hard as I could. Poor Mr Cowie looked very sorry for her and he said, “well I’ll let you deal with her – it’s the first time she’s done anything against the rules.”_

**_Wasn’t she afraid? _**Seller didn’t remember his own school years fondly – what little time he had there.

_She was. But – you know her as well as I do. She doesn’t look to show the world what’s going on. She just sat there playing with the doll my husband gave her – twirling it’s hair with her fingers, her eyes firmly on it. I took it from her and I – and I threw it in the fire. She almost dived in and the boys had to hold her back._

** _You didn’t hold her back?_ **

_No. No, my heart was cold. Then I took a handle of drawings she had left on our table and tore them up. Her hands starting fidgeting and her head jerked a little. I told her not to cry. And told her to get out my sight. I could hear Davie lecturing his sister because she had upset me whilst John teased her about the boy treating her badly. I didn’t go in to stop them._

_The second day, my brother Allistaire woke up and told me I should perhaps walk the child to the grave. Perhaps remind her of the man who did so much for her –_

** _Remind?_ **

_I know, it was stupid of him to say that. But I think he just wanted me to bond with the girl. He’d managed to have some talk with her, but they were never really close. He was too busy with the farm to really sit down and get to know my children, but he loved them._

_So I did what I was told and took the child to the church. This time, the sun was gone. It was so cold. We didn’t say a word at first – she was unsure what to say and I didn’t even look at her when I saw my husband’s grave. I asked him why he’d left me alone. I needn’t him to help me with this child – he knew her better than anyone. My child tried to ignore my tears. She wondered around the graves and started looking around for her doll._

** _The same one you burned?_ **

_Yes. She said there “was only one”. She said she must have lost it. I could feel the anger coming so I left. I left her there and didn’t come back._

Seller could never imagine his own mother doing that. He put the piece of paper in his pocket and openly asked why.

_I’d have done something else I would have regretted. Much worse. Our neighbor, Kate Matthews, thankfully found her before the snow fell. She would have frozen. Kate was a wonderful woman, really the child’s only friend other than that dog we kept in the house. Kate made sure she was warm, washed her and got her to bed. Made sure she slept soundly. Kept her away from my madness. I locked myself in the boy’s room and cried the night away for my husband. Allistaire had to talk to me for a good few days to get me out and once I did, my two boys ran to embrace me. I felt ready to take on the challenges. But when I sent my boys over to collect my daughter, Kate came back and gave me a lecture._

_She said some truths that needed to be said. She told me the troubled behavior she’d had to put up with and blamed my treatment on it._

** _She was right of course._ **

_Yes. That didn’t stop me denying it but I was polite. I told Kate we’d talk. But once the door was closed, I gave the child a very severe mark on her face. She couldn’t go to school the next day. You know, she didn’t cry or complain about it. She just backed off from me and ran out the room. Allistaire stopped me from going after her. The next day......_

** _Was this your final day together?_ **

_Yes. I woke the boys up early and they left. It was another cold day. I wondered why we had the sun come early and wished it was back. I worked with my brother until around eleven and I came home to feed her. I caught her with the dead wood from our fireplace. She’d done something to her arm. Her arm had turned very red and the skin was peeling and was causing her some distress. She scratched her skin. And then she started to look around again. The fire was still going and she was searching for it._

** _Her doll? Why?_ **

_I told her she was being stupid. I told her she had burnt her arm for no good reason. She ignored me and carried on. I picked her up, sat her at the table and gave her some food but she didn’t touch it. She was looking at me with this..... Strange look I’d never seen before. And it wasn’t fear._

** _Pity?_ **

_I suppose it was. Eventually she chewed a little of the food but she was distracted. My fist from the night before had caused her lip to turn black so I didn’t comment. Then she went back to searching. I asked her about her arm and she said the sun burnt her. Never mind the fact the grass was covered in frost. I said – I said I’d deal with her for lying as soon as I finished clearing up. She didn’t respond._

_Her dog started barking at some invincible threat so I gave it a sharp kick –_

** _And she exploded?_ **

_Aye. A piece of dead wood hit me. It didn’t hurt but it surprised me. The dog ran to her side and tugged at her dress, but her eyes were on me. The next thing I know, this small child is hammering her little fists against me and she’s calling me a monster. A monster. I was so shocked I didn’t fight back. The fists then went for a new target – herself. And I watched as this creature clutched her head and screamed. I just fell on my knees and watched as my own child fell apart in front of me. I didn’t know what to do. Even her dog lay down and stared. Finally - She slowed down as the tears fell and told me she was sorry, but she couldn’t hold back anymore. Then she just went to bed._

_I had a drink of water, brushed myself down and sat there, waiting for her to come back and eat. But she didn’t. So, I went in. She was lying on the bed with the pillow over her head. It was wet and battered – so was her body. She had attacked herself again after she left me alone. And there she was, asleep but certainly not in peace._

_Is that when you realised what you’d done?_

_I couldn’t deny it now. I lay there with her – my face buried on her shoulder and I sobbed, I held her, and I begged for forgiveness, but I got nothing. Nothing for a good long minute and she awoke and was startled at what was happening. Then this small figure lifting her arms up to me and I let her hold me. Then she said she was sorry for crying and she wouldn’t do it again. I told her that was impossible, but she said she’d try harder next time._

** _You should have said no._ **

_I know. The fact she blamed herself for my own behaviour tore me apart. I was just so angry at myself for what I’d done. The night..... I talked to my husband and prayed for his forgiveness. I asked for his patience and asked for God’s guidance. I was willing and ready to learn how to take care of my daughter. I was willing to get to know her – to see the world in her eyes. To fight for her to......._

_Allistaire checked on the children and said she had a look of peace in her eyes. She wasn’t in edge and she wasn’t sad anymore._

**And then of course.....**

_You._

Seller finished the bottle and threw it across the room. The bottle smashed against a crate.

** _We were told to go for the buildings that were the bigger ones. Hood said the small ones were the poorest ones. But we had the wrong town. We didn’t know until we were on the land itself. I just told my men to do what they wanted. And I followed them. All the way to your farm._ **

_Our animals were butchered outside. Allistaire heard the noise and woke me. I was afraid. Then the door knocked and my brother took his axe and went out. My sons heard his screams and both of them ran out – I couldn’t stop them. Then you came in._

** _I left what humanity I had outside. In my eyes, you were a beast that needed to be slain. I didn’t think much of the Celt’s, I saw you as nothing more than murderer’s and savages – I had stories told to me and I believed them. As far as I was concerned, you were the monster. Not me._ **

_And then she came in._

Seller felt faint.

_She saw things no little girl should see. Her little face...... shame I felt – not for what she she’d seen you do to me – but for the words I used before...... I forgot my pain for a moment to tell her to run. Run away. And not to look anymore. She just stood there – and you may have not seen it but by God – she couldn’t look away. It was her eyes that made me break. They were so wide and I could see her watching my face – I knew she’d remember everything. I didn’t want that to happen but I knew I couldn’t stop her._

** _I told her it wasn’t real. You weren’t in the pain you clearly were. Just do what she says. Go. Please. For God’s sake, turn away. But she didn’t. She knew her mother was dying didn’t she? She wasn’t the dud you thought you brought into the world._ **

_You know my husband told me that special children could be the most loyal to their parents. He told me never to abuse that trust. But I did. Even now, she doesn’t dare to think of me as the beast I was to her._

** _You were no beast. Most would have given up on her. You were the best mother she could have. You know that. She certainly thinks so –_ **

_I wish I could share your optimism. When the flames came, I tried to search for all my children as the croft fell down around me. I couldn’t free myself as the smoke filled the air. All I saw was Ruth on your shoulders – still watching me. Her eyes were different. Wider. And I remember calling out to her through the screaming. I called her by a name her father had called her – I don’t know why but it was the only word I could say as the flames finally tore us apart. That was the last word she heard from me. Why do you taunt her with it?_

Seller didn’t have an answer.

_I am glad I was able to see my errors before we parted. But I wish we could have had the time to be close. She may have been the one to survive but she’s paid for it dearly Seller. She’s lost her father, her mother, her family – her freedom for her life. And what kind of life is she leading? An animal would have sought death from the sort of existence she’s led._

** _She made a lot of her own problems –_ **

_Because someone didn’t protect her like he should have._

** _But the others –_ **

_They did the best they could for my child, but she could never open to them. You were the only one who understood what she’d been through. She expected more from you Seller. You seemed willing to change, why do you keep falling back? You’re weak. Is it any wonder she mocks you at times? You would do the same._

**She wasn’t like this as a small girl.**

_She was. She’s never really changed from that little girl you took onboard. She’s grown yes, she understands things better and her mind is full but she’s still a child. And the hard truth is Seller; she’s not going to change. I knew she was different, but my husband told me there was still a chance she’d grow out of it. But it’s not going to happen._

** _Perhaps it’s for the best. A sound mind in this place hasn’t helped most people._ **

_Yes I suppose you’re right._

Seller didn’t hear the door opening nor hear someone enter and watch him from the shadows. Perhaps someone else did, but they said nothing.

** _Hood had me brought into his office and told me what the fate of this child was. I was horrified. Slavery? I was no saint but I’ve always been against the idea of a man owning another. But a man owning a little girl? He said it was either this or he’d have the child killed. He left me no choice._ **

He remembered how Bess and Tony very reluctantly brought in the then seven-year-old into his room.

** _I told Hood I wanted nothing to do with the child. Only days before, she had seen me destroy her mother. And now we had to meet again. I hate slavery, it’s an abomination. Especially child slavery. I felt such sickness to my stomach as I saw her face again._ **

Bess informed him that they had got her name. She “seemed” to understand English but had said nothing. They only knew her name from Seller himself and another pirate – George Stephenson – who had witnessed the events.

“Hello then.” He remembered the awkward reunion as his voice quivered and she just stared; “I’m – I’m the Quartermaster of this ship, my names Jonathan-”

“Seller. Yes, I know who you are.”

There was a strong Scottish accent, but her English was clear. He was impressed.

They didn’t tell him at the time. But that was the first couple of words that had been heard from her.

He then had ordered to be alone with this child. He wanted to try and talk;

“You remember my face?”

She nodded.

“I remember yours. What’s your name? Ruth? What’s your surname?”

She didn’t understand.

“How about we give you one then? Would you like that?”

No response.

“I have a good friend called Stevenson. How about you take half of it. Stevens. That sounds quite a good fit doesn’t it? Ruth Stevens?”

“Stevenson is dying upstairs.”

A blunt tone with little emotion.

“I beg your pardon?”

“Your friend is dying upstairs. The very small man told the big black man and the fat lady about it.”

“That’s Joel Travesty, Tony and Bess. They’re your friends.”

“Are you a friend?”

“I don’t know.” He answered truthfully.

She didn’t say anything to that.

“What would you like to do Ruth? I’m not good at playing games.”

The idea of him playing games with that girl seemed absurd now.

“I’d like to draw.” The little girl responded.

Seller quickly went through his desk. He found a small bag he had taken once but didn’t have a care to use. He put some paper in it and then gave her some chalk, ink and a quill. She had kept that bag with her. All her pictures she liked or wanted to work on were kept in there. At least that was one good thing he did.

“They said you’d make me clean.” The girl was at first bewildered.

“Maybe one day.”

“I like cleaning.”

“That’s good to know.”

He did his best to ignore the child. He played on the piano. Distracted, she went over and started playing a tune on the right hand side.

Nowadays, he would have closed the piano lid on her fingers. Then, he listened.

_She heard a tune I used to hum._

** _I wondered if that was the case._ **

So you stopped and let her play on your piano. Thank you.

** _She was good as gold. Such a sweet thing. Tony had the most trouble with her –_ **

_Tony tried to treat her like his daughter, but she wasn’t having that. She didn’t want another father._

The child then stopped suddenly; “It’s very sad.”

He was nervous; “What is?”

“The piano.”

“It needs a tuning.” He admitted. He never got around to it.

“Everything’s going to be very sad now.” He heard her mutter.

“Not if you let it.” He avoided looking at her.

“Everyone here looks sad. No one’s happy.”

“I use my piano to be happy.”

“But how can you be happy when the piano’s not happy?”

He didn’t know how to answer.

“Why is everyone sad?”

He remembered the lump in his throat as he remembered the woman he had killed.

“I’d like to see Mummy again. Do you think I will?”

He slammed the piano lid. Stood up and faced her.

He remembered she backed off, shaking. The first of very few times she allowed herself to show he scared her.

He did his best to be calm; “I’d rather you didn’t mention that woman whilst I’m in the room. Shall we agree on that?”

“No one answers me whenever I ask.” She answered. It was the saddest she had sounded since she had been in the room.

“Maybe that’s why we’re all sad.” He said.

“So I shouldn’t ask?”

“No. No you shouldn’t. Best not talk of her at all if you can help it.”

“...... Yes sir.”

She looked very disappointed in him.

** _I should have been more forward with her. Things would have been easier for the both of us._ **

_To explain to a small child that her mother was dead because of you?_

** _She knew. She knew but she was trying to ask me why. I didn’t want to answer because I didn’t know. I still don’t know._ **

He suddenly heard the floor creak.

He turned around and saw someone in the shadows.

Ruth was watching him.


	40. Comfort

Seller wondered how long the girl had been there. What had she seen? Him talking outloud? Acting out to a voice only he could hear?

“I’m not going to hurt you. It’s alright.” He said; “Have I…. Been acting strange?”

“A little.”

He sighed in relief. She was talking again.

“I...... I suppose it was a moment of madness. You can get that – being – stuck here for so long.”

“I can sympathise. Maybe you should see Dr Roberts. Or Joel.”

He took the candle and came close.

“Christ.” He observed her; “You look like you’ve been through three wars and barley escaped with your life. You’d be a good soldier; you can take anything like a man.”

The new scar his sister had given had needed stitches and the marks of the rope were still visible on the neck. And she just looked tired and drained.

“You did your parents proud; you know that? You showed more bravery than I did. If they are looking down, I’m sure they’re applauding your bravery. And the boys. I’m sure they’ll be cheering.”

A small frown but she said nothing.

“Annie said you should draw another picture of her husband. She thought it was a good joke, but I actually want you to give it a go-”

“Oh, don’t be stupid.” Ruth’s frown was now deep, and she shook her head in disgust.

“Excuse me?”

“I didn’t like the man Mr Seller. He made you get mad at me. He made us fight. I’m tired of fighting.”

Seller didn’t have a response. She was right. John Ban did start fights. He made Seller feel justified in his cruelty while Ruth had been forced to stand up for herself. He had started the pattern of backtalk and even when dead, it had continued till now.

“Why were you talking to yourself?” Ruth asked.

“Sometimes I do things without really thinking about it.”

Seller felt his chest tighten as he said that.

She, thankfully, didn’t see it; “I do that sometimes. I don’t talk to air, but I like to talk about things and other people aren’t interested. Like the white lion in your room. James didn’t even know lions existed – let along white ones.”

“But you did.” Seller again looked at the rope burn; “How is your neck?”

Ruth didn’t want to talk about it; “It was very tight.”

“The rope is supposed to do that.”

“It hurt. I wanted to cry.”

“Then why didn’t you?”

“It was dark. I got scared. I didn’t have the time. I would have you know – they put a bag over my face so they wouldn’t see any tears.”

Seller wisely didn’t tell her the reason she had a hood. The Captain just wanted to torture her; “No one’s going to get angry if you shed a few tears.”

“Someone might.”

_For God’s sake._

Seller saw the girl flinch and start to shake.

Could she….

The door opened and James walked in.

“Not now.” Seller told him.

“I just want-”

“He said not now.” Ruth’s shaking was violent; “I’m fine. We’re fine.”

Both men stared at her.

“I’m _fine.”_

“James. Do me a favour and get Dr Roberts here as soon as you can.”

James nodded, sharing the Quartermaster’s worry and left.

“Is something wrong?”

Seller took her arms; “You’re all white. Sir down.”

“I’m fine.”

He forced her on the chair; “Sir down!”

He backed off as she grabbed her head and whimpered.

** _What do I do?_ **

_My husband would put his hand on her back and rub it gently. I never bothered to try myself._

** _You just let her suffer?_ **

_Why do you sound so shocked? Haven’t you done the same for over ten years? I only made her suffer six months of the seven years she knew me._

** _It’s different._ **

_How? She may hate you as the murderer of her mother but you both share affection for each other._

** _Affection? This one?_ **

_She was never one to hate another. It troubles her greatly. She’s not stupid you know, she’s well aware that you’re sorry. That you condemn yourself every time you open your eyes at each new day. That’s enough justice in her eyes, so she pities you._

Seller listened to the whimpering. The girl was far from calm.

** _A strange girl._ **

_You needn’t remind me. Please comfort her._

Seller, unsure what else to do, reached for her back and stroked. He heard her breath get slower and backed off as her hands came down from her head.

“I want you to stay away from Annie if you can. You’ve not to go into the Galley-”

Ruth was still not calm; “She hurts Adam. She hurts James – she hurts them both unless I’m there.”

“You need to stop thinking about other people and concentrate on yourself.”

“But I have to stop being selfish.”

“You?” Seller took another drink; “Who told you that stupid lie?”

“Everyone.”

“Including me? Then I’m stupid for saying that.”

He saw she was unnerved by him being nice to her.

What did she expect? Him to let loose with his fists? His words?

Of course she did.

“I’m glad we’re being civil for once.” He said; “You agree?”

She nodded, but he could tell it was because she thought it was the right answer.

“I understand there are times when that’s impossible. But we can’t keep doing this to each other. Perhaps it would be better for us both to just acknowledge that......” He lost his track of thought. “I don’t know what to do. I can’t play the reasoned, I never was one. What about you? Do you have things to say?”

She sat back on the chair with a watchful eye on him; “I’m hurt really bad.”

“Because of me?”

“Because of a lot of things. I’m not sad or broken about it all, I just – I’m just sore. Within me.”

Blunt and matter-of-fact as always. It somehow made it worse.

“You don’t consider yourself a victim do you?” Seller gave himself a safe distance so she wouldn’t feel intimidated.

“I hate the word. Like Hood hates the words “peace” and “justice.” To be far though, “justice” isn’t a clear word to say – not to me. I can’t even remember if I ever said it in my own language. Did I? No. I suppose seven years old don’t think about it.”

“They shouldn’t think about that at all.”

Ruth’s eyes suddenly lost their contact with him.

He waited.

“I do miss her.” She admitted; “I think that’s what hurting me the most. I want her to come back but she can’t.”

“Was she a good woman?” Seller was careflu

“She was.”

_Christ._

_“_She didn’t make you sad?”

“All parents do.” She looked him straight in the eye; “Why do you ask anyway?”

Seller suddenly felt intimidated.

Only two people had made him that way. Captain Hood, and this girl.

For once, he didn’t try to hide it; “I don’t know.”

“You want to feel like some good came out of what you did? If that’s what you’re thinking, you can go to hell.”

She just sounded disappointed. But Seller knew this girl well and knew she was furious.

“I suppose that’s what I’m trying to do.”

“You’re a bastard.”

Seller watched his tone, telling her gently; “She didn’t treat you, well did she? She struggled after your father died.”

“Sweetheart, don’t be angry.”

“Don’t you think she feels the same way now? That she failed somewhat?”

She made herself into a ball; “If so then she’s the fool. Not me. It was never me.”

“You’re angry with her. She made you feel guilty for surviving many illnesses’s when your father died after just one.”

“Go to hell.”

She was shaking again.

He tried to stay calm; “It’s better to say that you are. You’re angry that she’s dead, you’re angry because she never-”

“-never looked at me with hope.”

He went quiet.

She stopped shaking; “I was a dud child. I wasn’t who she wanted me to be – I was an embarrassment to both of them...... Both of them were ashamed of me.”

_No, no not your father –_

_“_Father told me I had to work hard to be the person I wasn’t. He said something was “off” but he never said what. I looked in mirrors, I asked Kate, I asked my brothers but I didn’t find anything. I studied as hard as I could to please him and it seemed to work so I studied even harder. Tried to show him I could do something.”

_Sweetheart, he never meant it that way –_

_“_And mother just ignored my efforts so I stopped trying. She didn’t talk to me unless it was orders to eat or sleep and when father died, she just.......”

Seller felt sadness; “She made your life a misery.”

_“_But she still loved me, didn’t she? She fed me meals that were made by her own hands, she chased children who called me names and she sang to me so I could sleep safely. And father used to do the same. He’d even play with me in the fields and listen to my stupid stories about fairies and God knows what else I thought I saw. Isn’t that love?”

_“_And that’s how you’ve chosen to remember them?”

_“_Father was a good man. I was never scared of him.”

_“_But your mother?”

“She was just human Seller. Like the both of us. She was just human but she was still my mother. Why did you make me leave her there? She was hurting, she was hurting and she was so scared. I’d never have left that house if you left me there. Even if the flames took me as well.... Why’d you make her go away?”

Tears.

Seller felt his body go into shock once more. It was bad enough in the Galley. This was worse. There was no anger here.

_Seller. Please._

He saw her immediately try to hide her tears; “No. Don’t fight it. It’s better to let it out.”

“But she-”

“She never would have said it if she realized, you’d do this to yourself. She didn’t mean to hurt you. She loved you and I’m sure she loves you as you are. You’re a brave, loving kid who has done her parents proud.”

He knew he sounded strange to her, but she needed to hear it.

What guard she had was now gone as she quietly but openly wept.

Without realizing it, he reached out and held her. It was only when he felt her hands clutch him did he realise what was going on.

He looked up to see James and Dr Roberts staring.

In fact, nearly all the slaves were in the room. Seller hadn’t even noticed it was late in the afternoon when most of the slaves were on a break.

And then Sarah appeared; “Uncle? What did you do?”

He didn’t have any words. He just looked at her and then was lost in his own thoughts.

Then the ship suddenly jolted. Then stopped.


	41. Grass and Sand

** _Madness returns to the ship._ **

** _She had been struck by cannon fire. The drunk lookout paid deeply for his mistake while I, raced to the nearest cock boat with the girl in my arms. I helped Travesty, Antony, Adam, Doctor Roberts, Sarah and James on, and Lesley helped me get the boat water. Then we jumped in and got in._ **

** _I see Hood in the only other cock boat. Several of his men too. With Bess, Marston, Fairly, Emmet, Kayser Catherine…._ **

** _And Annie._ **

“Wisely and slow, they stumble that run fast”.

** _I see Tony silently sigh in relief that the girl is talking again. Even if it's nonsense to him._ **

** _Those left behind don’t deserve mercy. Neither do I – but at least I can keep her alive. And what’s happening? The Navy. Finally. Apparently, they found time away from the war._ **

** _We are able to row away, undisturbed while The Black Lady is attacked, and we watch from a safe distance. I can see Hood’s tears as his crew is overcome. The ship sinks to the bottom. Those ont captured are now surely dead from bullets, knife wounds or drowning._ **

“How are you doing Ruth?” Travesty asked Ruth quietly.

“I have a pain in my neck and a throbbing headache. My legs still hurt courtesy of Tony and my mother’s murderer won’t leave me alone. Other than that, I’m doing very well.”

“Still fighting eh?”

“I’m no victim little man.”

Seller gave Dr Roberts his row and sat next to her; “Annie made it. I’m sorry.”

“I don’t care. It’s not going to be her hand that finally kills me.”

“You’re not going to die anytime soon.”

“You’re a having a rare moment of _dòchas_. What do you call it? Hope?”

Seller felt uncomfortable; “Don’t you have any?”

She blinked.

Then just shrugged; “I’m tired of talking.”

He knew pestering her wasn’t going to help. So, he too went quiet.

The two boats followed a seagull Tony had seen and within an hour, land was in sight.

The survivors reached shore and exhausted, sat around the sand – for some, it had been ages since their two feet had touched land. As soon as energy returned, they wandered the coast. Wondering how the hell this all happened…

A ruined castle and abbey lay up a hill. The sunset behind it. No one spoke but watched this sight. Except one.

Bess noticed Ruth had frozen as soon as they made it onto the sand. Ruth bent down and grabbed a handful of sand and let it pour through her fingers.

James, dazed and tired, suddenly found himself jumped on.

“Can you feel that?” Ruth couldn’t hide her excitement. Then her feet touched the grass; “ Can you feel that? It’s not wood! It’s not dust – it’s grass! It’s grass!”

Concerned she would run, James told her to be careful and when she wondered off a little too much, he almost bolted after her.

He felt a tug, stopping him from running after her.

It was Bess; “Let her play.”

** _It’s haunting for me to watch this. The ruins remind me too much of the many houses I’ve burned.... One in..... I look at the others who try to see what beauty there is in the view. Deliberately blocking their ears to the joy in that girl’s voice. The ones in the crowd that my sister brought I mean. They try to hide their shame. She doesn’t. She just looks at my slave with contempt. She won’t lay another finger on the girl with me watching her though. No one will. I’m feared again. I have my respect. But what a cost. I suppose it could have been worse._ **

Lesley, in charge of maps, had no clue where they were.

“Where are we?” Hood was confused; “There should be no Island this close to Britain.”

“Mithridates.”

Hood looked at Sarah; “Speak up girl.”

“This may be Mithridates. Before we left Britain – Lord Joseph Obair said he found an Island with a ruin close to the borders – east of Manchester. He said he was going to make his own country.”

“She’s right.” James nodded; “My Grandfather was friends with him. Up until his love life was leaked to the press.”

“Your Grandfather wasn’t one to mix with fools.”

“You were with him.”

Ruth’s bluntness got a tug of the ear from Tony, only for Bess to slap his arm.

And indeed, who came over to see them but the local leader himself – Lord Joseph Obair.

And James’s mother.

“I want my son.”

James almost run up to her, but Mrs Ban yelled, and a gun was put in his face, stopping him in his tracks.

“I am his owner!” Mrs Ban declared.

“Slaves?” James’s mother was horrified; “What have you done to him? Monsters!”

“How many slaves are there?” Lord Obair asked.

All the slaves who had survived put their hand up.

And so did Travesty.

But Ruth, still playing with the sand and ignoring the drama around her, did not.

“The girl is as well.” James quickly said.

“Why didn’t she put her hand up?”

“She’s not all there.” Seller responded, “Years on the ship have taken it’s toil.”

Suddenly, gunshots were heard.

The Navy ship had returned, and they fired upon the crowd.

The frightened locals carried their leader away. The Navy was very much their enemy too, but they did not have the guns to protect themselves.

“Fall back!” Captain Hood was heard to cry; “Up the hill! Into the ruins! Go! Go!”

** _Why are am I still following that man?_ **


	42. Ruins

The survivors ran up the hill – two pirates were gunned down, their dying cried echoed around the valley – and into the safety of the ruins.

James and Sarah held each other when they realised the other had survived yet again. So did Travesty and Bess.

But then Tony’s anguish cry got their attention.

Adam had tripped on his way up and now lay frozen.

And then Ruth, escaping Seller’s reach to stop her, ran out into the open to reach her friend.

She could hear her friends calling for her to come back as she carefully made her way down.

Ruth looked down the hill. She could see the men in blue, their guns raised and pointed at her.

She didn’t have time to worry. She reached down to Adam and gently helped him up, her body covering him.

A gunshot.

Adam threw himself to the ground.

Ruth felt frustration; “Ok….”

She turned around.

“Can you stop that?”

Frightened for his friend, Adam found the courage to stand up and grab her by the arm; “Ruth, please!”

She pushed him out behind her; “Can you stop it! Stop. I just want to go home.”

No response from the strange men.

Adam was now in tears; “Ruth, come on!” He tugged at her arm; “Come on!”

A gunshot.

Adam yelped in terror and held his friend from behind.

“Stop!”

Lord Obair and James’s mother ran behind the line. The man with the tallest hat told them to be off.

“That’s one of their prisoners. They’re slaves. They said she isn’t right in the head!” James’ mother cried; “They have my son! They are his friends! Let them live!”

Already, most of the guns were being put down and Ruth saw there were human faces under those strange hats. Or were they wigs? She wasn’t sure.

“Come on Ruth.” Adam tried again, taking her wrist; “Let’s go, please!”

Ruth was now looking at the frightened woman who called herself James’s mother. Then at the strange man called Lord Obair.

Honestly, the strangeness in her life was getting a little frustrating.

“Come on Ruth! Come on!”

Adam’s pleas finally worked, and they ran back up the hill. There wasn’t a gunshot or cry to stop them.

** _Stupid little girl._ **

_I agree._

Adam was greeted by the warm embrace from his father and a pat on the head by Lesley.

Ruth felt herself getting roughly grabbed by her shoulders and then she met the ground.

“Hey!” James called out in anger.

Seller had done the deed; “Are you stupid or an imbecile?”

Ruth was used to being thrown on wood but not stone. She curled up and held herself where she lay. Her head hurt.

“Answer me!”

She didn't even look at him; “You don’t owe me anymore.”

Seller yet out a frustrated snarl and walked away.

** _What am I supposed to do now? No one will talk to me, so no one will help me protect her._ **

** **

“James.” Bess silently asked him to see to her while she helped comfort Adam who was in hysterics.

James looked at Sarah and Catherine who both nodded.

They helped Ruth to her feet and took her away from the scheming and arguing that was happening between Hood and the remains of his crew.

Ruth forgot her pain quite suddenly when she saw a ladybug and gently began to play with it.

Sarah was moved by this; “The insects on land are much better than the ones on the ship.”

“The ship had rats.” Ruth responded; “Some were gentle, some were really shy. I had one who would sit next to me on deck until it died from old age. Rats don’t live very long even when well fed.”

“Did it have a name like Leroy?” James asked.

“_Cathal_” Ruth replied; ““Charles” in English. Mum said if she had another son, that’s what his name was going to be.”

“Cathel sounds a lot nicer than Charles.” Catherine remarked; “What’s my names in Gaelic?”

“Several versions of the same name; “_Caitir_,” “_Catriona, ““Caitrona”….._” The ladybug flew away and they saw her visibly become sad.

“What about mine?” Sarah asked.

Ruth didn’t respond.

James thought of something to say; “Hardly seems fair I got three months and you get ten years.”

“No.” She seemed to agree.

“Are you alright?”

“No.”

“You’re being unusually honest.”

Ruth looked at him; “I’ve been thinking. Perhaps I shouldn’t lie anymore. No I’m not alright. I don’t know if I can fight anymore.”

The girls didn’t know what to say.

“Perhaps you shouldn’t then.” James responded.

“I don’t want to give them the satisfaction of them seeing me cry again.”

“Why not?” Sarah asked.

“Mother hated it when I cried.”

“Is that the real reason? You don’t want to disappoint her? Did you cry a lot when you were little?”

Ruth tried to remember; “Once or twice. I tried to keep my tears when I was alone. Or in father’s arms. I was allowed to cry then.”

“She punished more if you did that?” James asked.

She just nodded.

“I don’t think she’d be any less proud of you if you cried now. You’re on your own; you’ve seen things no one else can imagine seeing. And what you’ve been through...... Surely she’d understand?”

No response.

“Was she a good mother?”

“She was when father was alive.”

“But when he died, it all changed? Was she a little cold to you?” Catherine asked; “My father is the same. He was cold towards me when mother died.”

No response.

James was careful; “But she still loved you. She talked Seller into letting you live.”

He saw her hands twist at her ragged sleeves.

“Why did you cry in his arms?” Sarah had to ask.

“We had a talk.” Ruth responded; “I already said enough to you.”

“You trusted James before.”

“I always have. But the truth is, we won’t be seeing each other after this. You’ve all got a home to go back too.”

“And so do you.” James said.

“No.”

“Because I’m not letting you starve in the streets. You’re going to stay with me. Do you remember I promised you about Leroy? And even if he’s not there anymore, we’ll get a horse. Would you like that? Yes?”

He finally got some eye contact.

“So why did you talk to him?”

“We needed to. He’s sorry.”

“Is he really though? The way he treats you-”

“You’d be no better if you were in his shoes. Annie was always a monster to him and then he made mistake after mistake. It’s been ten years – both of us imprisoned by our titles and past. You’d lash out when you could, wouldn’t you?”

The three of them just stared at her.

Ruth looked at her bare feet. They hurt on stone even when she was sitting.

“Why did you save me that morning we first met?”

Odd question from James.

“I didn’t want you to drown.”

“But you said you saw a lot of men fall-”

“I tried to help them too. I always tried.”

“But without talking. What did I do to make you speak?”

He saw her eyes gaze at his hair. Then at his face.

“I liked your hair. John’s hair was familiar.”

“Your brother? You had some hope?”

“I guess so. I knew you weren’t, but for a second I believed it.”

“Yet you still made the effort to befriend me.”

“I have to try somehow – somehow to fight whatever’s keeping me back inside.”

“Fear of losing someone close to you again? Is that why you had trouble talking to people? You didn’t want to go through the pain again?”

Again, her hands clenched the sleeves.

A sudden yell from Hood got Sarah’s attention.

Catherine couldn’t here; “What is he saying?”

“He’s ordering Mr Seller to command one half of the castle while he does the other.”

“Mr Seller?” James wondered why she didn’t say “Uncle Jonathan”.

“I’m not calling him my uncle anymore.”

She regretted saying it when she saw the look Ruth threw her. She felt the need to explain that she was very much at odds with her family since finding out what her Uncle did to Ruth and her mother.

“I didn’t expect you to get this angry about it.” Ruth was visibly troubled.

“Why shouldn’t I? You are my friend. My family are responsible for your troubles.”

“Aren’t you supposed to support them?”

“Not if they’re a bunch of murderers. James doesn’t like the fact his Grandfather was a privateer.”

“Or that he started this nonsense.” James said, “If he hadn’t had treated Hood so poorly, he wouldn’t have taken this ship. Maybe you’d still be home with your mother.”

Ruth got up; “I won’t argue with him again if that’s what you’re worried about-”

“I’m more worried he’ll harm you again. All this will pass – hopefully we’ll get on that ship and go home again – but if not, I don’t doubt he’ll do whatever he can to break you again.” Sarah explained.

Ruth just looked at her.

Then she unexpectedly, walked away.

“Ruth?” James tried to call her back.


	43. First Battle

“What do you want?”

Seller was watching the Navy when he felt a familiar presence.

Ruth was cautious; “Can I ask you a question?”

He turned to her.

“How’s Sarah doing?” 

He glared; “Are you trying to make a joke out of what’s happened between us?”

She wasn’t; “She doesn’t want to talk to you?”

“She doesn’t want anything to do with me. And Annie’s furious that I stopped your.... I’m not on good terms with anyone. Hood won’t even look at me.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want this.”

“Don’t apologize-”

“Sir-”

“And do NOT call me “Sir”. This was my mistake, not yours. My mistake. You will not apologize on my behalf.”

He heard footsteps and saw his niece, James and Catherine running and then stopping when they saw him.

“Ok.” Ruth didn’t notice them.

Seller pretended he was fine; “There’s going to be more gunshots firing soon. What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know.”

“Here’s what you’re going to do. You’re going to stay here and do as you’re told alright? Don’t touch the guns and when they fire, stay out of our way. In fact go and stay with James. He’ll keep you alive.”

“He’s asking too many questions.”

“That’s your own fault for hiding your many answers.”

“That…. Doesn’t make sense.”

** _I could throw her to the ground if those three weren’t watching me._ **

** _The fact I still want to hurt her bothers me. I held this kid while she cried. Why do I still hate her?_ **

Hood cried out and fired upon the men in blue.

Seller saw the panic in his slave’s face.

“Don’t.” He warned.

The other slaves ran for cover – Emmet was seen holding Kayser. Adam was well protected. Catherine and Sarah stuck with James as they lay down and waited till the first scare died down.

As the calm claimed the ruins, everyone checked to see who was still alive.

Adam noticed immediately; “Where’s Ruth?”

She was gone.

\------

_James is indeed alive._

_Part of me wants to run up that hill and take him away, but Lord Obair and the Navy captain agree that is unsafe. This Hood character is dangerously unstable, and the less lives taken the better._

_I came to Obair’s new community as I believed in his thoughts. While I do not care for his relationship, his idea of a community who ignores skin color, respects all religions and cares for it’s most vulnerable is something worth joining in. I have no one left. Or so I thought._

_We had a few new arrivals before the pirates found themselves in Mithridates – A Scottish family, the man’s disabled brother and their old neighbor. Their homes were burnt and they knew better than to try their luck in the city. The gentleman - A Mr John Munro - was a farmer and farmer's are needed in Mithridates. He is welcomed by most. The children - two twin boys and an older girl are welcomed to our new school. Some in the community called them savages but Obair put a stop to it. The Scottish people do not deserve the brutality already shown to them._

_The young woman who protected the black child was indeed a Scot. Her accent wasn’t as thick as the family we have but it was there. I hope and pray we can help her and all the slaves trapped in there._

_The pirates attacked and now more than a few lay dead. No slaves have yet died or been injured. I hope to see less casualties._

_Someone has to pay for my husband's murder and my sons torture._

_Signed - Lady Coleman. Entry number 776._


	44. Gone

Ruth’s mind was blank as she tried to get as far away from the horrible noise of the guns as possible. She didn’t think about her friends or her enemies. She just wanted to get away from it all.

_Little one. What have I told you about running into the woods alone? Why would you do such a thing when you’re afraid of being alone?_

_You don’t have your drawings to hide behind now. You don’t have your pens to sink your sorrow –_

Ruth found herself on the ground. The leaves broke her fall but it still hurt. She struggled to get up.

_He told you to stay behind. Why do you have to make things so difficult for him? The man has tried so hard for us both, you know that. Why do you resist that?_

_“He took you all away?” Is that your answer?_

_Yes he did. And he’s sorry. You know dahm well he’s sorry. He could have murdered you right there but he didn’t. He could have thrown you in the fire with me, but he didn’t. And he could have let John Ban smoother you without interference. But he saved you. He has saved your life so many times yet you’re never grateful._

Ruth gave up and held herself where she lay.

_Sweetheart, please.... Remember your father’s hands when he rubbed your back? Try to imagine it. My hands never worked for you. My hands could never comfort you like they did my sons. I could never understand what made you fear me till now. I was a very cold to you wasn’t I? Is that why you couldn’t open yourself to me? Because you knew that despite my affection for you, you knew I was deeply troubled. Troubled by the times and our money problems of course but you most of all? You said it best. I didn’t have any hope. You were so simple yet so – so intelligent too. You hid from other children yet you spoke to small creatures as if they understood you. And I’d watch you and I’d wonder why God gave me this child. Your father said the Lord gave special children to open our eyes a little more – he was never embarrassed by you. He was worried too, of course he was bothered at times – but he was never ashamed._

_I wish you could remember his face when he realised his new child was a little girl. We had two boys and another that died early, so it was a happy surprise. And you were such a quiet, delicate little thing who liked to play with the buttons on his shirt..... Our community would joke that you would be spoilt rotten when they watched him play with you. He used to sit your down and let you stroke his fingers. You seemed to like holding his fingers – you seemed to like being around him even when he was angry with you. He very rarely was but there were times your odd behaviour would push him too. Do you remember that time you were told to go back home but instead you ran to the top of the hill and stood there for hours just to watch the sunset? And you were late for bed do you remember? Did you know that when he punished you, he just sat there sobbing and sobbing that he had to raise his arm against his little girl. You didn’t even cry did you? Not until you saw his tears and you begged him to stop. It hurt you to see him cry._

_I know it was very hard for you when he died. You lost the one person who seemed to understand, respect and even accept who you were. You’re brothers loved you but they’d tease you mercilessly and even let their friends in on the joke. You were a joke. It’s a sad truth but that’s how we treated you after his death. You had no one to stick up for you._

_Do you remember the things I did? I know you have nightmares even now but you tell yourself that wasn’t who I was. Perhaps you’re right. I was so angry with your father, so angry that he couldn’t fight his illness like he fought for us both. He comforted me, he loved me – he made me feel like a queen and not the wife of a farmer with three very different children. Davie was a calm, thoughtful boy but a very hard worker – very serious. John was the real joker – he had my temper and occasional lack of empathy but he still had a big heart. I knew my boys. I didn’t know you. I didn’t know you and I hated myself for that._

_Why do you still think of me so highly even now with your mind matured and the clouds thinner? Do you just forget the bad memories and cling to the good ones? But what good ones?_

_Kicking those girls out of the house for tearing apart the drawing you made for me? And you were so relieved that you held me? Singing? You liked my voice? It made you feel safe? You forgave what I did because you saw......_

_You were some girl Ruth. God, dear God thank you for such a gift -_

_You want me back?_

_I wish I could sweetheart. You know I wish –_

The sound of gunshots finally stopped.

Ruth did her best to relax and despite her shaky legs, got up and checked her surroundings.

She wondered how far she had gone.

\---

“What do you mean gone?” Bess was beside herself; “Did no one think to be with her?”

“We’re trying to survive out here; our thoughts shouldn’t be on that girl.” Mrs Ban responded.

“Oh, do be quiet before you feel my own fist!”

“How dare you speak to your mistress like that!”

“Be quiet!” Seller shut his sister up; “You don’t own her anymore.”

James, who had been feeling disorientated since his friend had vanished, suddenly saw her bag; “She’s left her drawings!”

“The works of a mad woman.” Mrs Ban muttered.

“No. No not mad.” Travesty spoke up; “We’ve done a terrible mistake. All those supposed tantrums over the years – they weren’t her being difficult. It was a cry for help. I know blaming Seller for starting this is the easy thing to do but it was all of us. We failed.”

“She can heal Joel.” James promised him.

A gunshot from the navy struck a pirate dead.

Then suddenly a cry from the forest.

James knew; “Ruth! If you can hear us, come back!”

Nothing,

\---

_Did you hear that? Go back. Ruth! Can’t you hear me?_

\---

Seller left his post and started to head into the forest.

“Where are you going?” Sarah asked.

“The question is, why are you all staying here? You heard what Ruth said to me. I don’t owe her. In fact – James – you take this lot across the lines. They’ll know you.”

“What about Ruth?” James asked.

“I’ll find her. When I do, I’ll give myself up and hand her over.”

Sarah started her lecture; “You better not do anything to hurt her-”

“Just go with James!”

And Seller disappeared.


	45. Munro

** _I hear Hood’s cry for me as the guns go off yet again. The Navy must have tired of waiting and finally made their way up. Our crew is few in numbers and they will be overpowered soon._ **

** _I hear coughs._ **

** _I race through the forest, tripping on roots like an idiot but I know I can’t go any slower._ **

** _I find her._ **

“Ruth?”

Ruth blinked away the clouds forming in her eyes to see Seller looking down.

“Jesus, you’ve been sick all over yourself.” He sounded disgusted; “Get up.”

Suddenly, she heard yells.

Then Seller lay on the ground.

She got up quickly and saw a man in blue being attacked by Mrs Ban. He died pretty quickly. Then another soldier appeared and the knife from the bayonet went right though the woman.

Ruth used what little strength she had to pull Seller away.

The second man in blue saw her; “You. You’re the young girl. Is that man a slave?”

She nodded.

“You need to go to the camp at the hill. Understand?”

A gunshot got his attention and he ran off – leaving Mrs Ban’s body and his bayonet still stuck in her body.

Seller opened his eyes; “They got Annie?”

She nodded. She didn’t dare look anymore. Forgetting his headache, Seller reached over and walked her into the direction of the ruins.

He saw more bodies of what were his fellow crew members. None of them was Sarah which made him glad. He spared her from the sight by holding her close and telling her to look at his boots.

But soon, the pain in his head was too much and he had to stop. He sat on one of the walls and told her to carry on. She knew where to go.

Instead, she just stood there as if waiting for him to take her down.

“I thought you’d want to get away from me as soon as you could.”

She didn’t even look at him.

“Why didn’t you just tell them I was a pirate and let them run me through?”

“I don’t like blood. I don’t like seeing people die.”

“I wouldn’t have felt a thing.”

“I’d rather know what was happening.”

“Well I don’t! It’s over now. Everyone’s at their camp – why don’t you go down?”

Her fingers shook.

He grew irritated; “Do I have to play priest to you?”

“No.”

“Then go. Go and find them and go home.”

“What have I got to go back too?”

Seller looked at her.

“James – his Grandfather did a picture and the farm is just gone. There’s nothing there.”

“What picture? The one on my piano?”

She nodded.

“Ruth. You’re family’s farm..... Maybe that’s not the life you have to go back too. You have people who care about you down there.”

“I’ve done nothing for them.”

“You saved Adam from me and Annie countless times. Tony’s forever been grateful for that. And your actions saved Bess from me. I know I would have killed her. I don’t know why but I would have..... So now she and Joel Travesty can be together now. And James and Sarah – she came over because you were with him. They bonded because of you. All because of you.”

“You’re terrifying when you’re trying to be kind.”

Seller had to laugh; “You’re parents are proud of you whatever you decide to do. But I think you should go back now.”

“What about you? Will you chance it?”

“They’ll know my name. No doubt my old friends have told them what I’ve done.”

“So there’s no hope? Can’t you run?”

** _Why should you be concerned for me?_ **

“I don’t think I’ll survive one way or another. Maybe I should be brave and face justice.”

“The rope hurts.”

“At I won’t get beaten before they tie me – I’ll get to drink before I face the rope.”

“It still hurts. I almost cried.”

“I just wish I could go and see her grave before I go. Just to say a final sorry. Come on. Come on I’ll walk you down.”

“I don’t wish this.”

“Neither do I.” He got up; “Please. Come on.”

\----

_Seller took my child back down the hill._

_They were greeted not by friends but five men of the navy whose guns were drawn to both. A sound from a horse nearby stole my child’s attention and she ignored their commands and Seller’s plea for her to listen._

_James thankfully came running and told the captain she was not the enemy. Ruth was taken to the nearest house where the surviving slaves were recovering from their ordeal. No local from the Island was allowed to see them while they were questioned and seen to._

Despite James and his mother’s efforts, Ruth was separated from the group for her questioning. James was not even allowed to be in the same room. She was placed in an unfurnished room where there was no bed or seat for her and only one small window.

_Despite not being one of the prisoners, the Navy is unkind to her._

_They do not care for the Scots and nor do they care for a girl whose sanity is questioned. The guard taking the questions demands she stop her fingers shaking, threatens to leave her without food and demands answers quickly. _

_She only gives her name. Ruth Munro._

“She gave her name as Ruth Munro. You said her name was Stevens.” The Captain said, suspicion clouded his tone.

“The pirates gave her that name when she only told her first.” Travesty explained. Despite his size, the fact he worked for God meant he was treated better. He was able to protect Anthony and Adam but not Ruth.

“She won’t say where she’s from or what she was doing with the pirates either.”

“I told you all that.” James was frustrated with his rescuer’s; “Let me be in the same room and maybe she’ll talk more.”

Finally it was agreed. James was appalled when an remorseful guard informed him what his friend had put up with and when the captain and his interrogator arrived, he berated them for their treatment – reminding them that she had suffered for ten years and did not need this.

“Is Leory here?” she asked after his explosion.

James wiped his eyes; “Yes. He’s at the house mother lives in now.”

He saw her smile; “Can I see him?”

“After this. You answer what they ask ok?”

Ruth frowned at the men who had bothered her; “But they ask questions they already know. Why must I answer?”

“They just need to be sure what we’ve said is correct. None of us want to be wrong with what we’ve said about you.”

"They're not very nice. Can you stay?"

"I will."

Ruth paced a little.

“Well, shall we get started?” The Captain asked.

James gave him a look; “Fine. Ruth?”

“Can I do some drawing afterwards?” She asked innocently.

“Sure.” James promised.


	46. Two Weeks Later

_Our once proud town is gone and Davie, old Kate, John and his family went on a journey to the city only to hear about the founding of Mithridates and the need for farmers._

_And so here they are. Trying to start a new life only to hear about pirates which drives Davie mad._

_Both brothers agree to watch the hangings. Imagine their uncle and mother’s murderer in their place._

_I can only hope they recognize Seller. And then ask questions._

_I can only hope._

Emmet and Kayser were now known as Kobina and Giles. When they learnt about Lord Obair, they both decided that Mithridates was the best place for them. They were surprised to see they weren’t the first and only male couple and certainly not the only ones that were interracial.

Bess was concerned; “Giles, what about your family? Is there anyway we can find them in France?”

“France is in a bad way.” Giles told her; “And I have no family that would miss me. Kobina is family.”

Travesty was offered a role as one of the church leaders in Mithridates, which he accepted. At first Bess was unsure but she agreed to stay. She had no family but Joel.

Catherine and James arranged for Tara to be taken to see her husband and son and they too decided to stay. Catherine was offered a place in their home and gladly took it, not wanting to go home.

James and Sarah weren’t sure what to do.

And Ruth hadn’t made any plans.

Meanwhile, the surviving pirates were in the newly build jail cells. All of them, even the ones James had told the Navy were “forced”. Everyone’s attention was in the debate what to do with them. The Navy wanted to hang them all but Obair and those who helped him were trying to negotiate to spare those who had been “forced”.

Hood was to die. Everyone agreed with that. Seller, certainly, but the others?

Dr Roberts was the first to be freed. A higher ranking officer in the Navy recognized him and he was let go. He now joined the effort to free his friends.

“Between the four of us Roberts,” Lesley told him; “You deserve the second chance. Go my dear friend.”

Meanwhile, James had brought both Sarah and Ruth to his mother’s new home.

James noticed that his mothers’ staff were rather disrespectful to his friend at first. Ruth didn’t like giving orders and was uncomfortable with the help offered, which made the staff comment on the “girl raised by savages”.

“I never realized how deeply some myths are believed. If we ever manage to completely abolish slavery, perhaps we could start educating people that people are just that - people. A different nationality – like skin colour – does not make the person a savage. Few share that view I’m afraid, but they know Ruth is in my care now. I will come down hard on anyone who hurts her.” James promised a very worried Sarah who had overheard some comments.

\----

_I’m struggling to understand my son’s reasoning’s to bringing this feral girl into my house. Obair says we should welcome everyone, but these Celts are truly savage. This one has no table manners, no understanding of personal space and she’s very rude and abusive. What is he thinking?_

_Diary entry 799._

_\----_

Jane Coleman finished her diary entry and had dinner. Lord Obair and his board were invited guests, and everyone looked their best. But Ruth didn’t appear as she was told to meet Obair himself, who was interested to hear her story. Mrs Coleman was embarrassed but Obair was, while disappointed, said it was probably too much to ask given it had only been a week or two.

Without telling her son, Mrs Coleman entered Ruth’s private room to confront the girl.

The room was just a bed with a set of drawers. It looked like a servants room. It was luxury to Ruth though and she was still getting used to sleeping in a bed. Mrs Coleman found her drawing on the ground.

“You didn’t come down for dinner today.”

“Wasn’t hungry.” Ruth mumbled without a glance.

“We had guests. You could have shown a little respect by turning up.”

The girl gave a sigh and looked up; “They all ask stupid questions.”

“Insightful ones.”

“Stupid. “Do you think your little town has been taken over by sheep? Do you wish to go home? Will you try to find your mother and father?” I can’t sit through that and eat at the same time. I’ll be sick.”

Mrs Coleman folded her arms; “Maybe it was just as well you stayed here, if you were going to embarrass us.” She saw a dress she had given Ruth was on the ground; “You don’t seem to appreciate the new dresses I bought in.”

“One of your servants told me not to wear them.”

“Why?”

“Something about them being from a workhouse. She said I deserved better.”

“Is that what you think is it?”

“I didn’t understand her-”

“Yet you speak perfect English?”

“I don’t understand most people. Don’t take it to heart.”

Ruth didn’t sound or appear offended. Mrs Coleman frowned even more. This girl was too easy to scold, and she did nothing to help her cause.

Was it different being away from her parents who may have fed her other people as she heard these Celt’s do?

“What sort of meat did you parents give you?” She asked.

Finally, Ruth frowned; “Is this where James gets it from? The stupid questions? I ate lamb or rabbit. Whatever Mother made. Mostly what grew on the farm.”

“Not anything else? We’ve heard stories down here about what you Celt’s have eaten. Perhaps they is some civilization after all.”

“It’s nice.” Ruth muttered.

“You ought to be grateful for what my son has done for you.”

“I am.”

“Yet you wish to go back up north?”

“I would like to see my mother’s grave.”

Mrs Coleman went silent.

“But I won’t stay there.” Ruth added, “There’s nothing for me but her grave. And father’s. And maybe my brothers ones. Or else find out what happened to them.”

“If that’s what you wish-”

“I’d rather you talk to James about it. Not to me.” Ruth went to the door.

“Where are you going?”

“To visit Mr Seller.” Ruth picked up her old coat.

“The man who murdered you mother? Why are you wearing your old coat?”

“Can you please talk to your son? Good night.” And Ruth left, ignoring a well meaning servant who asked if she needed company.


	47. A Quick Prison Break

“That little girl you brought in certainly isn’t grateful for your charity.” James mother huffed when she came back downstairs.

“Charity?” James was confused; “She’s in a place that’s very different to the two lives she has known. Please give her a chance.”

“I had Lord Obair in today and he wanted to see her. I told her about it but she never showed. Why did you bring that savage into our home? Our family has become a joke because of her.”

“I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for that “savage”. She stopped me from jumping off the ship and kept my moral up – she gave me a reason to stay there and wait to be rescued. She saved me well before Navy came. Aren’t you grateful that I’m still alive? Are you just saying those words because you know this is what father would say-”

“You will not speak ill of the dead!”

“Whatever your thoughts on “savages”, they’re still human being’s who deserve our respect. I can’t just let Ruth go into the world or – or lock her up in some Bedlam like house, it’ll kill her. I can’t let that happen. It’s not charity that’s made me give her a home Mother – the girl became like my little sister.”

“The sooner you and Sarah figure out where you are going the better. I want her out of my house.”

Sarah overheard; “She’s been on her own for too long now. She needs people that care for her. She has so much on her mind Mrs Coleman, we can’t expect her to suddenly be a model young woman.”

“Father’s dead. But you weren’t trapped on a ship with his murderer and serving the monster for over ten years were you?” James added.

His mother now seemed a little ashamed but muttered that she was not going to have the girl left with her. She didn’t tell them Ruth was out or where she had gone.

\--

Ruth felt uneasy after she left the house so she went for a quiet walk.

She noticed quite quickly that she was receiving a lot of attention from the locals. A lot of stares, a lot of whispers. Not unkind but still made the girl feel uncomfortable.

She then headed to the jail cells where a Navy solider recognized her and asked, rather condescendingly, what she wanted.

Ruth did her best to be polite; “The names Ruth Munro – I was a prisoner on the ship that this man was Quartermaster for - I’d like to speak to him before you kill – yes sorry, hang him.” She had a thought; “Sorry, isn’t kill or hang the same thing in the English language?”

“No. It’s not.” The man was already eager for her to leave.

“ It’s not? So what’s the difference?”

“Just get along savage.”

Ruth felt her patience leave her; “I’m getting sick of being called that. I’m sure it fits well with some of your prisoners here, but I never took part in anything.”

The prisoners could hear everything.

The man told her she should learn her place and leave.

“Is there a rule that says no one can visit the prisoners?” Ruth tried again.

“No but-”

“Then let me through or I’ll tell Mr Coleman how I was treated, and he’ll let Lord Obair know who his _guests_ treated his new locals.”

The man muttered something, but he let her past. He didn’t feel her hands grab at something he was holding.

“Strange man.” Ruth muttered in English. She didn’t care he would understand her.

Lesley was worried; “Ruth, what are doing here?”

Ruth didn’t respond but opened the door.

Marston, Fairly and Lesley looked at each other and they ran.

Ruth entered the cell and locked the door behind her.

She heard cries but the swearing afterwards told her the three pirates had made it out.

Seller had just stood there, open mouthed; “You’re bloody mad.”

“I know.”

Hood was in a different cell. His legs had been shot to pieces, but he cursed the girl for not opening the door.

Seller struggled with his chains; “What do you want?”

“I figured you’d want to speak to me again.”

“Figured? Why would I?”

“You spoke a lot on the ship. Too much for someone who claimed they didn’t care about their actions. I thought it would be easier if I was here to bare the brunt of it again.”

Seller was confused; “Why would I want to do that to you?”

“You did it on the ship.”

“That was different!”

“Was it?”

Seller didn’t reply.

The door was banged upon. The same solider demanded his keys and threatened to shoot the girl if she didn’t come out.

Seller gestured to her with the keys. He freed himself and lied – telling the soldier he himself had freed the prisoners and had taken the girl hostage.

Ruth thought this was stupid but stayed silent.

She also thought James and Sarah were going to be angry with her when they found out about this.

She didn’t mind. Everyone got angry with her at least three times.

She watched as Seller angrily opened the door and pulled the swearing soldier in. There was a scuffle. Then a shot.

She grabbed her head and whimpered. Seller's hand was on her head as he comforted her.


	48. The Cell

Ruth’s allies only heard where Ruth was when news broke out that three of the prisoners had escaped and one had captured a “young girl.” And a soldier who tried to rescue her was now lying dead in the same cell.

James received a note from Travesty telling him that “the three prisoners” were hiding in his house. Bess had hid them in the basement and was now at the jail, calling for the girl’s safe return.

He and Sarah raced down were a crowd had gathered. He accidently bumped into a man with a stick, apologised quickly and ran into the jail, requesting to see and speak to Seller.

Seller had the door locked. His “captive” sat in the straw with her bag and was looking through her new drawings. She had just calmed down from the gun shot. The victim lay dead quite near.

Seller tried to stay calm; “What’s the picture then?”

“_Mo phàrantan.”_

He looked the picture; “Your parents?”

She nodded.

He went over and had a closer look; “So this is Maggie.”

Ruth was confused; “I don’t remember her saying her name to you.”

He lied quickly; “I heard your uncle call her that.”

She frowned but didn’t say anything as he took her drawing and examined it.

“My God….” She heard him mutter, “…. She captured everything……”

“Should I let you keep it?” She asked.

“What kind of question is that?”

“You sure you don’t want to – to maybe talk to her alone?”

“It’s your mother; and it’s your drawing. I’ll be dead soon.”

“Should l…. Go back?”

He looked at her; “You really wanted to talk to me didn’t you? Not the other way around.”

She didn’t answer.

“Well….. We’re not going to be long. And no. I don’t think you should go back. You can’t just be left on your own. You can take care of yourself but I’m not confident you’ll be safe. Is James offering you support?”

“Yes. I’m staying with him just now.”

“Good. The boy has a soft heart, but he has backbone. And he’s rich enough to act like an angel”

“You don’t need money to do good. You need to get your hands dirty sometimes. That’s what father told me once.”

Seller could hear arguing. He decided to keep the girl talking; “He’d be proud of you.”

She gave a small pause: “He made mother a nice person. He used to get up at five of six in the morning and he didn’t come back till six in seven in the evening. He’d come in and he’d pick me up and sit near the fire with me on his lap. He’d just sit there quietly for a few minutes and then he’d put me down and go to talk to mother. Sometimes he came home early if the boys fought or mother was having trouble with one of us...... He’d calm me down if I was upset. He was a very gentle father. Before the school was built, he was the one who taught me to read, write and speak English. Mother could write a little but she couldn’t read very well so he was the one that taught me everything, including chess.”

“Yet you don’t know how to sew?”

“I didn’t see the point in doing it. It was irritating and boring. I preferred drawing even then. Sometimes I’d draw him while he was working in the fields. He always smiled when he saw me or the boys watching him.”

“He was a farmer?” Seller could hear the voices getting louder.

“_Tuathanach. _He said something about being lucky that our town wasn’t hit by the rich folk. Said it was because our sheep helped keep us there. Said if things turned bad, we’d have to go to.... Can-nan-da? Canda?”

“Canada?”

“He said it was like a second Scotland. I didn’t understand him. I didn’t understand a lot of what he said really. Perhaps I confused his fear of the future to him – feeling somewhat ashamed of me.”

“You were young. It was an easy mistake.”

“And he died before I could know him as a person rather than just my father – a man trying to help me survive this world. John – I remember he took it really hard and I was distressed because he was crying. We were all taken to a neighbour’s farm because of his illness. Mother said the last thing he told her was that he wished he could hold us all again one last time. Uncle Allistaire then came to help us with the farm – teach my brothers what to do and that. I continued to go to school – when I felt like it.”

“You played truant?”

“Mr Cowie made Mother really angry once. A boy locked me outside and I was too scared to knock on the door because you weren’t supposed to be outside after the bell rang or – so I went home instead.”

_I told you about this._

_“_So of course that upset your mother.”

_“_She kept asking me if I ever cared for father’s last wishes for me to get a good education.”

_“_How did you respond to that?”

“No.”

Seller huffed; “Well. Brilliant.”

_“_It wasn’t really. She said I had to start showing more affection towards my family rather than to my dog, doll and drawings....... So she tore my drawings up and sent me to bed that night. I lost my doll too. I don’t know where it went.”

“The Fireplace.”

He saw the change in her face; “How….”

“Your father gave you that doll?” He interrupted her thoughts.

“It was a bad day. I wish I could forget but I can’t. It was the only toy I had that he managed to buy just for me. I couldn’t believe she’d do that you know?”

“You do realise you’re making her out to be a monster.”

“I know I am. I’m being honest, that’s what happened. My mother was just like anyone – she wasn’t a saint, she made mistakes – but she was good. I was loved, and I knew that even if her words sometimes hurt. I knew. I actually understood. I actually understood-”

A scream.

The small window in the cell had faces pressed against it.

The person who screamed was a very old woman.

“Child!” She cried as Seller and Ruth stared; “Oh sweet Jesus look at you...... You haven’t changed at all!” She turned; “Get the Munro’s! They must see this.”

Seller looked at Ruth.

Ruth was pale.

“Who was that?” He dared ask.

Her voice was a whisper; “I wasn’t expecting her to still be breathing. She must be at least eighty now.”

“Is that the old one who used to look after you-?”

“Yes it was.”

“She looked like she’s been crying for the past ten years. Maybe she has. I don’t think she was the only one. Maybe you have a place here.”

“Who are the Munro’s…..?”

“Perhaps they really did survive?” Seller tried to give some hope.

She shook her head.

“You’ve no hope left have you? Christ. What the hell have I done?”

The door knocked.

“Mr Seller? We have more men outside this door. Give yourself up, or we’ll fire into the room!” cried a voice they didn’t recognise.

“And kill my captive?” Seller jeered; “This community won’t look favourly on you if you kill one of their own!”

“You could run….” Ruth was visibly scared.

“I can’t keep running away from what I’ve done. Do you understand me?” Seller gestured for her to stay low; “Where’s Coleman?” He demanded. “I want to talk to him!”

James was brought in. The door was shut quickly.

“She’s alright.” Seller told him; “There’s an old woman out there who recognised her from her past. I don’t want her to see my death, do you understand?”

“I just wanted to talk.” Ruth told him; “I didn’t mean for any of this.”

“It’s alright.” James said gently; “You and me can leave together ok?”

“I don’t want hanging’s. That too much.”

Seller looked at James; “You’re going to have a lot on your hands. Feeble minded lunatic that she is. Scared little girl who wants her mother back.”

James almost snarled back when he released the door behind him was open.

Seller was putting on an act.

He raised the gun he had taken from the dead soldier at Ruth; “Go on then. Get out.”

She didn’t move.

He reached out and grabbed her close; “I gave you a chance!”

“Let go!” The man in charge ordered. Guns drawn.

Seller sensed Ruth was frightened. He whispered; “Don’t give up. Live your life and forget me.”

He threw her and raised the gun high.

The guns raised at him fired.

James rushed forward to Ruth and held her.

Seller was on the ground; “Let her be who she is, don’t try to change her. This world doesn’t deserve her. I hope it realises that soon enough.”

Then he was dead.

James spared Ruth from seeing Seller and got her out quickly. Sarah was there to help him.

She was in a state of shock, but she was talking which was a relief. Sarah distracted her mind by talking about Leroy and the horse she wanted to buy. Ruth spoke like a child but anything out of her mouth was better than silence.

Bess was there as soon as she could and held the girl, relieved she was safe. Tony kept his son away but checked om her too.

The Lord Obair himself came but he wisely didn’t pry for answers. He was told what happened and seemed to accept it. He did give some time to watch Ruth draw before departing.

James gave himself a moment; “Ruth. What old woman was Seller on about?”

“Kate Matthews lives here. She was my neighbour.” Ruth continued to draw.

“The same woman who looked after you sometimes?”

“Yes.”

Bess frowned; “We should investigate. I can keep her at my house I…. Have room.” She was careful what to say with Navy soldier still around searching for her friends.

James and Sarah agreed.


	49. Reunion

_Davie and John are in shock when told what old Kate had seen._

_Could it be that the same girl they heard had been taking hostage was indeed their little sister?_

_“_Are you hurt?” Bess asked her young friend once they were alone in her new house.

“No.” Ruth answered, still drawing.

Bess looked up as the door opened and Travesty and James entered. Joel nodded with a serious face.

_My boys finally meet James and confirm who they are._

_Now they wait excitedly outside the new priest doors. Joel asks them to be quiet as he and James enter._

Bess was careful; “Ruth dear?”

Not used to being called “dear”, Ruth’s face would have made Bess laugh if she wasn’t being serious.

“We’re going to have some people come in alright?”

Ruth’s eyes saw James; “Are you angry with me?”

“No.” James assured her.

She started to mutter; “Forgiveness right? I can’t forget because I – I really can’t do that. But I can stop feeling the hate in my heart right?” She seemed to notice him again; “Why are you here?”

“You’re some girl.” Travesty felt sad. He looked at James who nodded.

The door was opened.

_She sees them._

_She recognizes them._

_But she doesn’t know what to do._

The two men had been told their sister had gone through a lot, so it was best for her to react first.

Old Kate had been right. She still looked like the seven-year-old that was taken. Only older. Paler. Underfed and in clothes she wouldn’t have worn at home.

And she was very still when she saw them.

They had aged in her eyes but there was no mistaken who they were.

James closed the door for some privacy; “Forgive me gentleman, but she’s spent the last ten years believing you were both dead. Do you want to be alone?”

John saw the panic in Ruth’s eyes; “No sir. No just…..” He didn’t know what to say.

“Ruthie?” Davie hobbled nearer; “_Piuthrag….._John, she’s still the same. Look at her!”

“Aye.” John tried to settle his older brother; “She is.”

“She’s got mother’s eyes and-”

Davie lost his balance.

Without thinking, Ruth jumped down from her stool and took his arm.

Feeling her hand, Davie reached out and held her. He started to sob, speaking to her in Gaelic. John bent down and joined them.

Old Kate was let in to see the reunion. The old dog that stayed by Davie’s side barged in as fast as an old dog could.

Davie let go and allowed the dog some room; “I kept him safe. We found him and took care of him.”

Ruth’s hand stroked the dog who excitedly tried to lick it.

Tears finally appeared in her eyes.

\----

David and John Munro had brought their mother’s ashes with them to Mithridates. They explained that there was nothing to burn once the smoke cleared. Old Kate had helped them collect what was left and had nursed Davie while he struggled with his physical and mental problems.

Davie had trouble letting go of his sister, amazed and rejoicing that she was alive. She still seemed to be in a state of shock and only muttered a few words when spoke to. The urn that held her mother’s ashes did nothing to calm her but no one expected that from her.

Bess and Travesty told James and Sarah that if they wanted to leave Mithridates, they would look after Ruth. Getting a new home by themselves wasn’t going to be easy and Ruth needed to be near her bothers.

Later, James found Ruth alone. Her mother’s urn was still on the table and she was just staring at it.

“You alright?” He asked gently, knowing the days events had tired her.

She didn’t look up.

_Sweetheart? Sweetheart what’s on your mind?_

“_Màthair, Athair. Tha mi gad ionndrainn gu mòr.” _James heard her mutter. He repeated what she in English; “Mother, father. I miss you a lot”.

“_Mo chridhe briste. Tha fios agam gum.”_

“My heart hurts. I know that.”

“_Ach mi bhith math._ _Tha mi a 'feuchainn ri gàire. Cuimhnich mi na faclan a tha thu a 'bruidhinn nuair a bhiodh daoine ag ràdh rudan a bha an aghaidh mo.”_

“But I’ll be good. I’ll try to smile. I’ll remember the words you spoke when people said things that were against me.”

“_Tha mi caraidean a bhith agad a-nis. Tha mi nach eil aonar.”_

“I have friends now. I’m no longer alone.”

“You’re getting there.” Ruth finally looked at him.

“You’re making it very easy for me.”

“I shouldn’t hide how I feel.”

“_thu deagh charaid – _you’re a good friend.” James smiled.

Ruth’s eyes shone. She looked at the urn.

“_Daidean_, _mamaidh. _I’ve come home.”

_“You should rest now.” She adds to me._

_I wish I could hold her. But I know she will be safe for now. No one will touch her or hurt her again._

A few months later, Joel Travesty and Bess Driscoll. Travesty became the new private high school’s priest. A school named “Clarifloors”. He was welcomed with full arms and enjoyed his new role in helping the young.

James and Sarah moved back to Plymouth to sell off what was left of his father’s company. It would take years but they agreed to wait till they had done everything before marrying.

And Ruth’s drawings started to get the communities attention. With time to kill, she started drawing a lot more and Lord Obair helped create a galley and send them across the world, bringing his new community money and resources.

Things finally seemed to have get better for her.


	50. Ending

Dear Uncle Neville

I write to tell you a follow up.

As you know, Sarah and I finally managed to get in contact with you in regards to father’s trade ship deal. We sold his ships and are no longer in business with slavery. After what we experienced together, we believe it is wrong. You agreed to help pay the workers and keep Grandfather’s pictures. Myself and Sarah then returned to Mithridates to marry and work with Joseph Obair.

It’s been some years since we first had out feet touch the Island and our new friends – now old – decided to stay.

Anthony – Tony and his wife and son still live with Catherine Hood. She’s lost the use of her legs but she treats them well. Her strong will has kept them safe though thankfully her neighbors seem to have taken to the family well though Adam had a tough time at first.

Kobina and Giles are still together. So is Marston and Lesley. They’ve stopped drinking. Fairly is now chief of Magistrate’s and Dr Roberts is Lord Obair’s private doctor. There are plenty doctors to go around and are happy to treat for free.

As for Ruth, things seemed to be well. Joel and Bess were firm yet loving to her. Bess mentioned that she sometimes “needed a good smack” but she still did her drawings. At the school, a separate building was being made for the arts and one room already built became her unofficial drawing room. She never seemed to leave. Perfectionist. All her drawings got more detailed as the years went.

Her brothers were still close by. John has a family and despite being barely thirty, he has eight children with one on the way. He told me his children were very fond of their Aunt. His wife was less than understanding and told her children not to spend too much time with their feeble-minded and eccentric Aunt - something she would regret ever saying.

Davie became a gardener for the new school so he lived just next door to his sister and occasionally came in for lunch and dinner. They had to lock the doors when it rained or snowed just to keep her inside when she wanted to draw outside. Her brothers tell me that’s just their sister.

Hood was finally executed after many years. Lord Obair had no great love for the death penalty but Catherine gave him her blessing and he was hanged just a few days before Sarah and I wed. Bess assured me she kept Ruth away. Ruth never asked about it anyway.

It was after the wedding that things began to go horribly wrong.

I already noticed Ruth seemed paler than usual. She had just turned twenty-four and her health had improved with a healthy diet. The last time I’d seen her, she’d put on weight and was as sharp as ever. Now, she seemed tired and I heard her cough a lot.

_I know as soon as she lets out the first cough that it’s over._

_And bless her, she does too._

_She remembers how her father coughed and claimed he was fine. How I demanded he rest, and he refused. She was too young to go to school, so she saw our fights. And our tears._

_I wish I could have shielded her from them._

Mother had grown sick so I forgot my worries and I nursed her until she died.

Then I received a letter. She wrote in Gaelic so it took me a while to translate.

She said she was ill and wanted to see me.

Sarah decided to come with me. We agreed not to tell anyone what Ruth had done to avoid trouble. Especially from the oldest brother.

Davie, I think, always feared he would lose his sister again. Before my own wedding, I heard him scolding her for staying out late “painting”. Her dry response was that she was a “drawer” and she coughed. He told her she was coughing because she wasn’t sleeping before Bess told him to watch his tone.

And when we saw her, our hearts dropped.

It was very clear to our eyes that Ruth was very ill. It was too gradual for the others to see but to our absent eyes, she had changed. She was paler, thinner and she didn’t have the same energy she had before.

The others asked questions - why did we come back and why didn't we tell them we were coming?

I decided to wait to give the answer. 

I arranged for Doctor Roberts to see her. His arrival surprised everyone but Ruth who spent a good two hours with him alone. I paid him afterwards.

I had to witness her brother yell at her for wasting my time and demanded she apologize.

Typically, she was blunt; "No."

"Do you not realize how much money it is for James and Sarah to come down?" Davie towered over her as she tried to draw.

She didn't even look at him; "Yes."

"Apologize then!"

"Mr Munro." Bess stepped in. She told him to back off and reminded him his sister was not a child – and it was my decision to have Dr Roberts see to her.

Bess had always been protective of Ruth but now out of that ship, she was a powerhouse. She was a second mother who defended the girl from a few of the not-so-understanding types. In a community who welcomed all races and cultures, there’s always some bad eggs and a feeble-minded Scotswomen was going to go through some problems.

Lord Obair, to his credit, made as much arrangements as possible to make sure she was comfortable in this new land. He personally bought her a bed and art equipment and was in the process of building a room for her to do her work once the theatre was built.

But now, things had got worse.

Myself and Davie then took her to town to meet Doctor Roberts in his own house.

“So what is it?” Davie asked as soon as the doctor had checked on his sister.

“Not good.” Dr Roberts admitted.

"Well?"

“Tuberculosis.”

I saw the colour leave her brother’s face; “No – no what do you mean?”

“She’s very sick, she won’t be here long.” The doctor’s own voice was trembling. He had shared a few years with that girl too.

Before we could respond, we heard the door slam open and we ran after her.

A rainbow had been spotted and she innocently thought to try and grab it’s end. The end happened to be right outside the school gates and we must have ran for a good two minutes before she managed to get there just in time before it vanished.

By the time I had caught up with her, she was in a very excitable mood but she was doubled over and coughing.

A small crowd had gathered and I noticed everyone was visibly worried.

Davie struggled with the hill but when he heard his sister cough badly, he told her; "Ruth. You need to go home."

“But I touched it!” I remember her saying excitedly; “I wanted to do it.”

He was barley hiding back his tears; “Go home.”

"But-"

"Go home!"

He regretted his harsh tone immediately. 

Ruth wasn't stupid; "I did tell you I was ill." 

And she limped back home alone, ignoring the eyes that followed her.

Davie broke down.

You can imagine the devastation when word got out. 

Death was not new to Mithridates for both young and old, but I feel that Ruth's story and her own artistic work touched a lot of people and the fact she would be cheated out of a chance of a good life was a bitter taste to swallow.

For her part, Ruth didn’t change her way’s. She still drew, made beautiful drawings and tried to go outside for walks despite the warnings.

Although we were told not to tell her what could be, I think she knew. Ruth was no “dud”. She must have known she was dying and was at peace with it, if perhaps confused.

_Oh she knew._

The past three months was dedicated to making her days as comfortable as possible. Bess made sure she ate warm food and her bed covers were warm for her. When outside, she wore the warmest coat and she was told to drink as much as she wanted. She never did touch gin or rum again but she drank a lot of water for her sore throat. John kept his children at a safe distance, Adam – now helping his parents in a local shop, came and played some final games of chess. She wasn’t as sharp as she once was so he let her win.

On her final day, she seemed to be her usual – not good but not worse – but she secretly left the house Bess and Travesty lived and cared for her in, and walked across the school grounds to the still to be built “Arts Building”. It rained heavily and her coat was left at home. A student saw her walking past – the last someone saw her walking - and said she was shivering. He alerted a teacher but that teacher didn't send the alarm until it was too late.

_She’s alone. But she doesn’t feel alone._

_She was awake the whole night, struggling with her right hand. She could no longer draw. And she struggled with the pain in her chest. _

_Both Bess and Travesty woke in the night only to hear her coughs. Bess sat with her and begged her to try and sleep. She even made some hot tea to warm her and ease the pain._

_My child drank what she could but her eyes never closed._

_She felt no more need to fight._

_And as the sun rose, she knew she had little time left._

_Now she is in her room. The room where she could be left alone with her imagination. Her memories. _

_She looks at every drawing. Makes a few adjustments._

_Remembers everything. Her memory doesn't even stop to rest._

_She quietly accepts she won’t be able to draw more memories. She did her best._

_She looks up at me – my drawing._

_She manages to fix an ear before she suddenly feels her chest sink in. She drops her pencil and and wheezes._

_The pencil made such a noise that it covered her struggles for breath._

_She manages to get some air but she is now in the ground._

_I reach down and tell her it's ok. I don't know if she can hear me but I can't stand by._

_One last look at my picture._

_One last breath._

_And then she sees me._

_She is confused; “You... forgave me?”_

_I cannot help but sob as I finally hold her again._

_I know watching them find her will destroy her, so I quickly take her away for now. If she wishes to come back, she can. But I won’t let her see the sorrow to follow._

Bess raised the alarm that morning. she told me later that both her and Joel had been up in the night with her. She was unsettled and her cough clearly indicated she was in severe pain. You can imagine how frightened she was when she could find her.

Davie was in a panic when I got word that Ruth was missing. I knew one place she could be was her art room. She had worried about a drawing she had made on her mother. I told her brother I would go in and see if she was there.

I already had a bad feeling when I walked into the unfinished building. It seemed darker somehow.

I saw some light under her art room's door. I listened for coughs. Nothing.

“Ruth?” I called.

I tried the door but it was stiff so I had to push it with my shoulder.

“Ruth?”

My eyes noticed a pencil rolling in circles on the floor so I reached out to pick it up.

Then I saw her.

She was on the ground. She lay on her back her head facing the picture of her mother that still lay waiting for it to be put up.

I knew straight away.

I took her in my arms and saw her eyes were half open. I closed them gently. She was still warm. Her face showed no pain. But that was of little comfort.

“I’m so sorry.” I could only say. I waited in vain for an answer.

I tried to lift her a little and her hand fell lifeless.

I had to stop, and, in my weakness, I let out a sob. I remember putting my forehead against hers and apologizing again – for not being there when she took her final breath. I apologized if she was scared and I remember apologizing to her mother for not keeping a watchful eye. And I apologized on behalf of everyone. They had all failed her daughter. Everyone.

I heard the others outside but didn’t call out.

The door knocked but I didn’t call out.

Then it opened.

Silence.

You can imagine her family and friend’s reaction the moment they saw me holding her. They didn’t need to ask.

Davie’s howls of agony and grief could be heard everywhere, telling the community that their “prodigy” was gone.

She wasn’t the first person to die in Mithridates, but she was the first one that the world seemed to know about.

Tony brought her to the chapel where Sarah and Catherine offered to "keep watch." Giles and Kobina thankfully stepped in to watch overnight while a funeral was quickly planned.

As you can imagine, the funeral was devastating. The Mithridates people use funerals to talk about the deceased person. So many had been touched by this one girl and it was very hard for her fellow survivors to admit that they never realized how much easier her antics made it for them. She was a distraction to our own misery. Sometimes we took our anger out on her but she never changed - even after her own life was cruelly exposed. 

Both her brothers spoke of the little girl before she was taken - a shy little thing that was pushed around by their own friends. John admitted he could be cruel, telling us Davie was the more responsible one who would stand up for her. Davie disagreed, saying he could be just as cruel. He spoke in tears of how the first lose made him realize how much he did in fact love and care for her and he was thankful they had time to reconnect.

Tony spoke on behalf of us former slaves. Bess was too distraught while Joel was of course, leading the service. He spoke about her quiet bravery, not backing down from her mother's killer or the other pirates. The act she went out of her way to protect Adam and tried to help Bess. Her honesty that she was routinely punished for when it should have been praised.

And finally, Fairly - now a respected teacher and his past as a pirate long forgotten and forgiven - spoke the words that we were all feeling. We felt betrayed on her behalf. She should have had a chance of a happier log life. But for all it's worth, her last years were the best.

She was on a small table, lying as she had been found by me, if much prettier. Her brothers wouldn’t let her be put in a coffin or even a bag. Simply because their sister had been afraid of the dark.

They didn't even want to bury her when the conversation about what to do with her body was brought up. Burning her was out of the question too.

It was Lesley - now married with Marston who worked as one of three Blacksmith's in town - who suggested she be preserved.

So it was decided to preserve the body and leave her where she at her most happiest – the art room. Her mother’s urn by her side.

The unfinished arts building was redesigned and became a Memorial Building. Names of students and teachers began to slowly cover parts of the walls, but Ruth’s art room became her tomb. Her pictures are to stay where they were, while she is on display, glass stopping anyone from holding her again.

Bess - with Tony, Sarah, John and Davie's help - still takes care of her, but it’s an unenviable task.

I of course visit her when I can. To apologize. Weep occasionally. And apologize again for assuming I’d helped give her a happy ending.

I can try and get on with my life contented that I’ve done my part – but I can always do more for people like her.

Your nephew, James.


End file.
